Here is the script for Let's Make a Scene: Love's Labor's Lost:
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Nick Newlin
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CHARACTERS IN THE PLAY
The following is a list of characters that appear in this cutting of
Love’s Labor’s Lost.
Twenty actors performed in the original production. This number can be increased to about thirty or decreased to about twelve by having actors share or double roles.
For the full breakdown of characters, see Sample Program.
KING FERDINAND: King of Navarre
BEROWNE
LONGAVILLE DUMAINE
Lords attending on the King
COSTARD: A clown
BOYET
MARCADE
Lords attending on the Princess of France
DULL: A constable
THE PRINCESS OF FRANCE ROSALINE
MARIA KATHARINE
Ladies attending on the Princess
DON ARMADO: A fantastical Spaniard
SIR NATHANIEL: A curate HOLOFERNES: A schoolmaster BOY/MOTH: Page to Don Armado NARRATORS
✴ SCENE 1. (ACT I, SCENE I)
The King of Navarre’s Court.
STAGEHANDS set bench stage right, at an angle, placing table in front of bench; then set throne stage left, at an angle.
Enter NARRATOR from stage rear, coming downstage center.
NARRATOR
The King of Navarre and his lords vow to retire from the world (especially from women) and study for three years. We will see how long this plan lasts!
Exit NARRATOR stage right.
Enter FERDINAND, BEROWNE, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAINE.
FERDINAND stands stage left between the table and bench, placing a scroll and pen on the table. The LORDS standstage right in front of the table, facing FERDINAND.
FERDINAND
Let fame, that all hunt after in their lives, Live regist’red upon our brazen tombs, Andthen grace us in the disgrace of death;
You three, Berowne, Dumaine, and Longaville, Have sworn for three years’ term to live with me, My fellow-scholars, and to keep those statutes That are recorded in this schedule here: Subscribe to your deep oaths, and keep it too.
LONGAVILLE
I am resolv’d; ’tis but a three years’ fast:
The mind shall banquet, though the body pine.
LONGAVILLE signs the scroll and crosses stage left.
DUMAINE
My loving lord, Dumaine is mortified:
To love, to wealth, to pomp, I pine and die, With all these living in philosophy.
DUMAINE signs the scroll and moves to LONGAVILLE’S right.
BEROWNE (walks behind table, looking at scroll)
So much, dear liege, I have already sworn, That is, to live and study here three years. But there are other strict observances:
As, not to see a woman in that term, Which I hope well is not enrolled there: And one day in aweek to touch no food, Which I hope well is not enrolled there.
O! These are barren tasks, too hard to keep, Not to see ladies, study, fast, not sleep.
LONGAVILLE
You swore to that, Berowne, and to the rest.
BEROWNE
By yea and nay, sir, then I swore in jest. What is the end of study? Let me know. Study me how to please the eye indeed, By fixing it upon a fairer eye.
LONGAVILLE
Berowne is like an envious sneaping frost That bites the first-born infantsof the spring.
BEROWNE (leaps onto stage right bench, animated)
Well, say I am: why should proud summer boast Before the birds have any cause to sing?
FERDINAND
Well, sit out; go home, Berowne; adieu.
FERDINAND begins to exit stage left, motioning to others to follow.
BEROWNE (returns to table)
No, my good lord; I have sworn to stay with you; I’ll write my name. (signs his name)
FERDINAND
How well this yielding rescues thee from shame!
BEROWNE (reading)
“Item, That no woman shall come within a mile of my court.”
This article, my liege, yourself must break; For well you know here comes in embassy
The French king’s daughter, with yourself to speak— A mild of grace and complete majesty—
About surrender up of Aquitaine
To her decrepit, sick, and bedrid father: Therefore this article is made in vain,
Or vainly comes th’ admired princess hither.
FERDINAND
What say you, lords? Why, this was quite forgot.
BEROWNE
So study evermore is over-shot:
We must of force dispense with this decree; She must lie here on mere necessity.
Necessity will make us all forsworn
Three thousand times within this three years’ space.
Enter DULL, the constable, holding a letter, from stage right. He is followed by COSTARD.
LONGAVILLE
Costard the swain shall be our sport; And so to study three years is butshort.
DULL
Signior Arm—Arm—commends you. There’s villainy abroad: this letter will tell you more. (hands letter to FERDINAND)
COSTARD
Sir, the contempts thereof are as touching me.
KING
A letter from the magnificent Armado.
COSTARD
The matter is to me, sir, as concerning Jaquenetta. The manner of it is, I was taken withthe manner.
BEROWNE
In what manner?
COSTARD
In manner and form following, sir; all those three:
I was seen with her in the manor-house, sitting with her upon the form, and taken following her into
the park; (sits on bench and pretends to have his arm around a woman on his right)—it is the manner of
a man to speak to a woman, for the form,—in some form.
FERDINAND
Will you hear this letter with attention? (reading) “Great deputy, the welkin’s vicegerent and sole dominator of Navarre, my soul’s earth’s god and body’s fostering patron.”
COSTARD
Not a word of Costard yet.
FERDINAND
Peace!
COSTARD
Be to me, and every man that dares not fight!
FERDINAND
No words!
COSTARD
Of other men’s secrets, I beseech you.
FERDINAND
“So it is, besieged with sable-coloured melancholy, I betook myself to walk, where, I did encounter that obscene and most preposterous event, there did I see that low-spiritedswain, that base minnow of thy mirth,”—
COSTARD
Me.
FERDINAND takes a step downstage to get away from COSTARD,
but COSTARD follows, looking over his shoulder. DULL, in turn, follows COSTARD.
FERDINAND
“that unlettered small-knowing soul,”—
COSTARD
Me.
FERDINAND (takes another step downstage; COSTARD follows, then DULL)
“that shallow vassal,”—
COSTARD
Still me?
FERDINAND (he takes yet another step; COSTARD follows, then DULL)
“which, as I remember, hight Costard,”—
COSTARD
O me!
FERDINAND
“sorted and consorted, contrary to thy established proclaimed edict and continent canon, with— with,— (can’t find the word; turns page over)
COSTARD
With a wench.
FERDINAND
“with a child of our grandmother Eve, a female; Jaquenetta, which Iapprehended with the aforesaid swain,— and shall, bring her to trial. Thine, in heart-burning heat of duty, DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO.”
FERDINAND
But, sirrah, what say you to this?
COSTARD
Sir, I confess the wench.
FERDINAND
Did you hear the proclamation?
COSTARD
I do confess much of the hearing it, but little of the marking of it.
FERDINAND
Sir, I will pronounce your sentence: you shall fast a week with bran and water.
COSTARD
I had rather pray a month with mutton and porridge.
FERDINAND
And Don Armado shall be your keeper. My Lord Berowne, see him delivered o’er: And go we, lords, to put in practice that
Which each to other hath so strongly sworn.
Exit FERDINAND, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAINE stage left.
BEROWNE
I’ll lay my head to any good man’s hat
These oaths and laws will prove an idle scorn. Sirrah, come on.
BEROWNE, COSTARD, and DULL begin to exit stage right.
COSTARD
I suffer for the truth, sir: for true it is I was taken with Jaquenetta, and Jaquenetta is atrue girl; and therefore welcome the sour cup of prosperity!
Affiiction may one day smile again; and till then, sit thee down, sorrow! (sits on bench)
BEROWNE and DULL drag bench offstage right, with COSTARD
remaining seated.
STAGEHANDS remove throne and table and set a second bench stage left.
✴ SCENE 2. (ACT II, SCENE I)
The King of Navarre’s Park.
Enter NARRATOR from stage rear, coming downstage.
NARRATOR
The Princess of France and her ladies arrive at Navarre. Ferdinand’s lords each take aninterest in one of the Princess’s ladies. Maybe that plan not to see women was not such a good idea!
Exit NARRATOR stage right.
Enter the PRINCESS OF FRANCE, ROSALINE, MARIA, KATHARINE,
and BOYET from stage rear.
BOYET and the PRINCESS stand center, with BOYET to the right of the PRINCESS, a few feet away from her. The threeLADIES stand to the left of the PRINCESS, in front of stage left bench.
BOYET
Now, madam, summon up your dearest spirits: Consider who the king your father sends,
and what’s his embassy:
To parley with Matchless Navarre; the plea of no less weight
Than Aquitaine, a dowry for a queen.
PRINCESS
Good Lord Boyet,
You are not ignorant, Navarre hath made a vow, Till painful study shall outwear three years,
No woman may approach his silent court: Tell him the daughter of the King of France,
Importunes personal conference with his Grace.
BOYET
Proud of employment, willingly I go.
Exit BOYET stage right.
PRINCESS (calling after him)
All pride is willing pride, and yours is so.
(to ladies) Who are the votaries,
that are vow-fellows with this virtuous duke?
MARIA (smiling)
Lord Longaville is one.
PRINCESS
Know you the man?
MARIA (steps forward)
I know him, madam: at a marriage feast, saw I this Longaville.
A man of sovereign parts, he is esteem’d, The only soil of his fair virtue’s gloss,—
Is a sharp wit match’d with too blunt a will.
PRINCESS
Such short-liv’d wits do wither as they grow. Who are the rest?
KATHARINE (steps forward)
The young Dumaine, a well-accomplish’d youth,
For he hath wit to make an ill shape good, And shape to win grace though he had no wit.
ROSALINE (steps forward)
Another of these students at that time
Was there with him, if I have heard a truth: Berowne they call him; but a merrier man, Within the limit of becoming mirth,
I never spent an hour’s talk withal.
PRINCESS
God bless my ladies! Are they all in love, That every one her own hath garnished With such bedecking ornaments of praise? Here comes Boyet.
Enter BOYET from stage right.
PRINCESS
Now, what admittance, lord?
BOYET (delighted and excited to be the bearer of good news)
Navarre had notice of your fair approach, And he and his competitors in oath
Were all address’d to meet you, gentle lady, Before I came. Marry, thus much I have learnt; He rather means to lodge you in the field,
Like one that comes here to besiege his court, Than seek a dispensation for his oath,
Here comes Navarre.
Enter FERDINAND, LONGAVILLE, DUMAINE, and BEROWNE from
stage right. All stand in front of stage right bench. FERDINAND
takes the PRINCESS’S hand and bows graciously. LONGAVILLE and
MARIA, KATHARINE and DUMAINE, and ROSALINE and BEROWNE
catch each other’s eyes.
FERDINAND
Fair Princess, welcome to the court of Navarre.
PRINCESS
“Fair” I give you back again; and “welcome” I have not yet: the roof of this court is too highto be yours, and welcome to the wide fields too base to be mine.
FERDINAND
Hear me, dear lady; I have sworn an oath.
PRINCESS
I hear your Grace hath sworn out house-keeping: ’Tis deadly sin to keep that oath, my lord,
And sin to break it.
The PRINCESS turns her back slightly to FERDINAND, facing her LADIES, who share a small smile/laugh with her.She then gives a paper to FERDINAND.
FERDINAND (moving to face the Princess again)
Madam, I will, if suddenly I may.
PRINCESS
You will the sooner that I were away,
For you’ll prove perjur’d if you make me stay.
(turns her back again slightly)
BEROWNE walks stage left toward ROSALINE, clears off the bench with his hat, and motions for her to sit. They both sit on the right side of the bench. All others freeze.
BEROWNE
Did not I dance with you in Brabant once?
ROSALINE
Did not I dance with you in Brabant once?
BEROWNE
I know you did.
ROSALINE
How needless was it then To ask the question!
BEROWNE
You must not be so quick.
ROSALINE
’Tis long of you, that spur me with such questions.
BEROWNE
Your wit’s too hot, it speeds too fast, ’twill tire.
ROSALINE
Not till it leave the rider in the mire.
ROSALINE stands and moves toward center stage. BEROWNE, who has been leaning toward her, falls onto bench. He stands and follows her.
BEROWNE (after a slightly uncomfortable silence)
What time o’ day?
ROSALINE
The hour that fools should ask.
BEROWNE
Now fair befall your mask!
ROSALINE
Fair fall the face it covers!
BEROWNE
And send you many lovers! (leaning toward her slightly)
ROSALINE (turning her back)
Amen, so you be none.
ROSALINE walks back to front of bench while BEROWNE stays center stage and gazes forlornly after her.
BEROWNE
Nay, then will I be gone.
BEROWNE returns to join the other lords stage right. All un- freeze.
FERDINAND
You may not come, fair Princess, in my gates; But here without you shall be so receiv’d
As you shall deem yourself lodg’d in my heart, To-morrow shall we visit you again.
PRINCESS
Sweet health and fair desires consort your Grace!
FERDINAND (looking deeply into her eyes)
Thy own wish wish I thee in every place.
Exit FERDINAND and his LORDS stage right.
BOYET
If my observation,—which very seldom lies, By the heart’s still rhetoric disclosedwith eyes, Deceive me not now, Navarre is infected.
PRINCESS
With what?
BOYET
With that which we lovers entitle affected.
PRINCESS
Your reason.
BOYET (walking downstage center, painting a picture with his words and gestures)
Why, all his behaviors did make their retire
To the court of his eye, peeping thorough desire; His heart, like an agate, with your print impress’d, Proud with his form, in his eye pride express’d; Methought all his senses were lock’d in his eye, As jewels in crystal for some prince to buy.
PRINCESS
Come, to our pavilion: Boyet is dispos’d.
BOYET
But to speak that in words which his eye hath disclos’d. I only have made a mouth of his eye,
By adding a tongue which I know will not lie.
MARIA
Thou art an old love-monger, and speak’st skilfully.
Exit ALL stage rear, led first by the PRINCESS, then her LADIES, and then BOYET, winking at the audience.
✴ SCENE 3. (ACT V, SCENE II)
Before the Princess’s pavilion.
Enter NARRATOR from stage rear, coming downstage.
NARRATOR
The king and his lords, disguised as Russians, visit the ladies, who have theirfun by confusing the men. Poor misguided men! How will it all end?
Exit NARRATOR stage right.
Enter the PRINCESS, KATHARINE, ROSALINE, and MARIA from
stage rear.
The PRINCESS and KATHARINE stand in front of stage right bench;
ROSALINE and MARIA stand in front of stage left bench.
PRINCESS
Sweet hearts, we shall be rich ere we depart, If fairings come thus plentifully in.
A lady wall’d about with diamonds!
(displays her jewels)
Look you what I have from the loving king. But, Rosaline, you have a favor too:
Who sent it? And what is it?
ROSALINE
I thank Berowne;
I am compar’d to twenty thousand fairs.
O! He hath drawn my picture in his letter.
(displays a letter and earrings)
PRINCESS
But, Katharine, what was sent to you from fair Dumaine?
KATHARINE
Madam, this glove.
PRINCESS
Did he not send you twain?
KATHARINE
Yes, madam; and, moreover,
Some thousand verses of a faithful lover;
(displays gloves and a letter)
A huge translation of hypocrisy, Vilely compil’d, profound simplicity.
MARIA
This, and these pearl, to me sent Longaville;
(displays pearls and a letter)
The letter is too long by half a mile.
PRINCESS
I think no less. Dost thou not wish in heart The chain were longer and the letter short?
MARIA
Ay, or I would these hands might never part.
PRINCESS
We are wise girls to mock our lovers so.
ROSALINE
They are worse fools to purchase mocking so. That same Berowne I’ll torture ere I go.
O that I knew he were but in by th’ week!
How I would make him fawn, and beg, and seek.
PRINCESS
None are so surely caught, when they are catch’d, As wit turn’d fool: folly, in wisdom hatch’d,
Hath wisdom’s warrant and the help of school And wit’s own grace to grace a learned fool.
Enter BOYET from stage rear.
PRINCESS
Here comes Boyet, and mirth is in his face. (stands)
BOYET
O! I am stabb’d with laughter! Where’s her Grace?
PRINCESS
Thy news, Boyet?
BOYET
Prepare, madam, prepare! Love doth approach disguised,
Armed in arguments; you’ll be surpris’d:
PRINCESS
But what, but what, come they to visit us?
BOYET
They do, they do, and are apparell’d thus, Like Muscovites or Russians, as I guess. Their purpose is to parley, court, and dance; And every one his love-feat will advance
Unto his several mistress; which they’ll know By favours several which they did bestow.
PRINCESS
And will they so? The gallants shall be task’d: For, ladies, we will every one be mask’d; Hold, Rosaline, this favour thou shalt wear,
(gives ROSALINE her jewels)
And then the king will court thee for his dear; Hold, take thou this, my sweet, and give methine,
(ROSALINE gives the PRINCESS her earrings)
So shall Berowne take me for Rosaline.
And change you favours too; so shall your loves Woo contrary, deceiv’d by these removes.
(MARIA gives KATHARINE her pearl necklace;
KATHARINE gives MARIA her gloves)
PRINCESS
The effect of my intent is to cross theirs; They do it but in mocking merriment; And mock for mock is only my intent.
So shall we stay, mocking intended game,
And they well mock’d, depart away with shame.
SOUND OPERATOR plays Sound Cue #1 (“Trumpet sounds”).
BOYET
The trumpet sounds: be mask’d; the maskers come.
The LADIES put their veils over their faces.
Enter MOTH, FERDINAND, BEROWNE, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAINE,
dressed in Russian habits and wearing masks.
MOTH
“All hail, the richest heauties on the earth!”
(unsure of which masked lady to talk to)
A holy parcel of the fairest dames
The LADIES turn their backs to him.
That ever turn’d their—backs—to mortal views!
BEROWNE
“Their eyes,” villain, “their eyes.”
MOTH
“That ever turn’d their eyes to mortal views!”
BEROWNE
Is this your perfectness? Be gone, you rogue.
Exit MOTH stage right.
ROSALINE (as PRINCESS)
What would these strangers? Know their minds, Boyet.
BOYET
What would you with the princess?
BEROWNE
Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.
ROSALINE
What would they, say they?
BOYET
Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.
ROSALINE
Why, that they have; and bid them so be gone.
BOYET
She says you have it, and you may be gone.
FERDINAND
Say to her we have measur’d many miles To tread a measure with her on this grass.
SOUND OPERATOR plays Sound Cue # 2 (“Dance music”).
FERDINAND goes to ROSALINE, who is sitting on downstage side of stage right bench; he offers his hand to dance but she does not return her hand.
FERDINAND
Will you not dance? How come you thus estranged?
ROSALINE
You took the moon at full; but now she’s chang’d.
FERDINAND and ROSALINE freeze.
BEROWNE (goes to the Princess, who is sitting on downstage side of stage left bench)
White-handed mistress, one sweet word with thee.
PRINCESS
Honey, and milk, and sugar; there is three.
BEROWNE and the PRINCESS freeze.
DUMAINE (goes to MARIA, who is sitting on upstage side of stage right bench)
Will you vouchsafe with me to change a word?
MARIA
Name it.
DUMAINE
Fair lady,—
MARIA
Say you so? Fair lord,
Take that for your fair lady.
DUMAINE and MARIA freeze.
LONGAVILLE goes to KATHERINE who is sitting on upstage side of stage left bench.
KATHARINE
What, was your visord made without a tongue?
LONGAVILLE
You have a double tongue within your mask, And would afford my speechless visor half. One word in private with you ere I die.
KATHARINE
Bleat softly, then; the butcher hears you cry.
KATHARINE and LONGAVILLE freeze.
ROSALINE (unfreezes, along with FERDINAND)
Not one word more, my maids; break off, break off.
The rest unfreeze.
BEROWNE
By heaven, all dry-beaten with pure scoff!
FERDINAND
Farewell, mad wenches; you have simple wits.
PRINCESS
Twenty adieus, my frozen Muscovits.
Exit FERDINAND and his LORDS stage right.
The LADIES come to center stage together, laughing.
ROSALINE
O! They were all in lamentable cases!
The King was weeping-ripe for a good word.
PRINCESS
Berowne did swear himself out of all suit.
MARIA
Dumaine was at my service, and his sword:
“No point” quoth I; my servant straight was mute.
KATHARINE
Lord Longaville said, I came o’er his heart.
BOYET (from stage right)
Madam, and pretty mistresses, give ear: Immediately they will again be here
In their own shapes.
ROSALINE
Good madam, if by me you’ll be advis’d,
Let’s mock them still, as well known as disguis’d. Let us complain to them what fools were here, Disguis’d like Muscovites, in shapeless gear.
BOYET
Ladies, withdraw: the gallants are at hand.
The PRINCESS, ROSALINE, KATHARINE, and MARIA hide behind stage left pillar.
Enter FERDINAND, BEROWNE, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAINE in their
proper habits from stage right.
FERDINAND
Fair sir, God save you! Where’s the princess?
BOYET
Gone to her tent.
The PRINCESS, ROSALINE, MARIA, and KATHARINE come out from behind stage left pillar; the PRINCESS greetsFERDINAND center stage as the other ladies return to their original positions in front of benches.
FERDINAND
All hail, sweet madam, and fair time of day!
PRINCESS
We have had pastimes here, and pleasant game. A mess of Russians left us but of late.
FERDINAND
How, madam! Russians?
PRINCESS
Ay, in truth, my lord;
Trim gallants, full of courtship and of state.
(looks at FERDINAND knowingly)
Were not you here but even now, disguis’d?
FERDINAND (confessing)
Madam, I was.
PRINCESS
Rosaline, what did the Russian whisper in your ear?
ROSALINE
Madam, he swore that he did hold me dear
adding that he would wed me, or else die my lover.
PRINCESS
The noble lord
Most honourably doth uphold his word.
FERDINAND
What mean you, madam? By my life, my troth, I never swore this lady such an oath.
ROSALINE
By heaven, you did; and, to confirm it plain, You gave me this: but take it, sir, again.
FERDINAND
My faith and this the princess I did give; I knew her by this jewel on her sleeve.
PRINCESS
Pardon me, sir, this jewel did she wear;
And Lord Berowne, I thank him, is my dear.
BEROWNE
I see the trick on’t: here was a consent, Knowing aforehand of our merriment, To dash it like a Christmas comedy.
The ladies did change favors, and then we, Following the signs, woo’d but the sign of she. Now, to our perjury to add more terror,
We are again forsworn, in will and error.
Enter COSTARD from stage rear.
Welcome, pure wit! Thou part’st a fair fray.
COSTARD
O Lord, sir, they would know
Whether the three Worthies shall come in or no?
BEROWNE
Go, bid them prepare.
Exit COSTARD stage rear.
FERDINAND
The ship is under sail, and here she comes amain.
The four men and four women sit as couples on the benches, to watch the show.
Enter COSTARD from stage rear, to perform “Pompey.”
COSTARD
“I Pompey am”—
That oft in field, with targe and shield, did make my foe to sweat:
And travelling along this coast, I here am come by chance,
And lay my arms before the legs of this sweet lass of France.
BEROWNE
Pompey proves the best Worthy.
Enter SIR NATHANIEL from stage rear, to perform “Alexander.”
SIR NATHANIEL
“When in the world I liv’d, I was the world’s
commander;
By east, west, north, and south, I spread my conquering might:
My scutcheon plain declares that I am Alisander”—
BEROWNE
Pompey the Great,—
Take away the conqueror, take away Alisander.
COSTARD (to SIR NATHANIEL)
Run away for shame, Alisander.
Exit SIR NATHANIEL stage right.
But there are Worthies a-coming will speak their mind in some other sort.
PRINCESS
Stand aside, good Pompey.
Enter HOLOFERNES and MOTH from stage rear, to perform “Judas” and “Hercules,” respectively. MOTH stands to HOLOFERNES’ left.
HOLOFERNES
“Great Hercules is presented by this imp,
Whose club kill’d Cerberus, that three-headed canis; And when he was a babe, a child, a shrimp,
Thus did he strangle serpents in his manus. Keep some state in thy exit, and vanish.— ”
Exit MOTH stage left.
HOLOFERNES stands center stage, declaiming.
“Judas I am.”—
DUMAINE
A Judas!
HOLOFERNES
Not Iscariot, sir.
“Judas I am, ycliped Maccabaeus.”
DUMAINE
Judas Maccabaeus clipt is plain Judas.
BOYET
Therefore, as he is an ass, let him go.
And so adieu, sweet Jude! Nay, why dost thou stay?
DUMAINE
For the latter end of his name.
BEROWNE
For the ass to the Jude? Give it him:—Jud-as, away!
HOLOFERNES
This is not generous, not gentle, not humble.
Exit HOLOFERNES stage right.
PRINCESS
Alas! Poor Maccabaeus, how hath he been baited.
Enter ARMADO, coming stage right to perform “Hector.”
BEROWNE
Hide thy head, Achilles: here comes Hector in arms.
ARMADO
“The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty, Gave Hector a gift, the heir of Ilion;
A man so breath’d that certain he would fight ye, From morn till night, out of his pavilion.
I am that flower,”—
DUMAINE
That mint.
LONGAVILLE
That columbine.
ARMADO
Sweet Lord Longaville, rein thy tongue.
I will forward with my device. (draws his sword toward COSTARD, who is stage left)
By the north pole, I do challenge thee.
COSTARD
I’ll slash; I’ll do it by the sword.
I bepray you, let me borrow my arms again.
DUMAINE
Room for the incensed Worthies!
COSTARD
I’ll do it in my shirt.
DUMAINE
Most resolute Pompey hath made the challenge!
ARMADO
Sweet bloods, I both may and will.
ARMADO and COSTARD are about to fight, and MOTH is trying to separate them.
Enter MONSIEUR MARCADE, a messenger, from stage rear.
MARCADE
God save you, madam!
PRINCESS
Welcome, Marcade;
But that thou interrupt’st our merriment.
MARCADE
I am sorry, madam; for the news I bring
Is heavy in my tongue. The king your father—
PRINCESS
Dead, for my life!
MARCADE
Even so: my tale is told.
BEROWNE
Worthies away! The scene begins to cloud.
First MOTH, then COSTARD, then ARMADO exit, but ARMADO turns before exiting.
ARMADO
For mine own part, I breathe free breath.
Exit ARMADO.
FERDINAND (bowing his head, wishing to comfort the PRINCESS
but not feeling bold enough)
How fares your Majesty?
PRINCESS (in mourning)
Boyet, prepare: I will away to-night.
FERDINAND
Madam, not so: I do beseech you stay.
PRINCESS
Farewell, worthy lord!
A heavy heart bears not a nimble tongue.
BEROWNE (stepping forward)
Honest plain words best pierce the ear of grief;
For your fair sakes have we play’d foul play with our oaths.
Your beauty, ladies,
Hath much deform’d us, fashioning our humours Even to the opposed end of our intents;
PRINCESS
We have receiv’d your letters, full of love; Your favours, the ambassadors of love; And, in our maiden council, rated them At courtship, pleasant jest, and courtesy, and therefore met your loves
In their own fashion, like a merriment.
DUMAINE
Our letters, madam, show’d much more than jest.
LONGAVILLE
So did our looks.
ROSALINE
We did not quote them so.
FERDINAND
Now, at the latest minute of the hour, Grant us your loves.
PRINCESS (to FERDINAND)
A time, methinks, too short
To make a world-without-end bargain in. No, no, my lord, your Grace is perjur’d much, Full of dear guiltiness; and therefore this:
Go with speed
To some forlorn and naked hermitage, Remote from all the pleasures of the world; There stay until the twelve celestial signs Have brought about the annual reckoning. Then, at the expiration of the year,
Come, challenge me, challenge me by these deserts; And, by this virgin palm now kissing thine,
I will be thine;
FERDINAND
Hence hermit, then. My heart is in thy breast.
DUMAINE (to KATHARINE)
But what to me, my love? But what to me?
KATHARINE
Come when the King doth to my lady come; Then, if I have much love, I’llgive you some.
DUMAINE
I’ll serve thee true and faithfully till then.
KATHARINE
Yet swear not, lest ye be forsworn again.
LONGAVILLE (to MARIA)
What says Maria?
MARIA
At the twelvemonth’s end
I’ll change my black gown for a faithful friend.
LONGAVILLE
I’ll stay with patience; but the time is long.
BEROWNE (to ROSALINE)
Mistress, look on me;
Impose some service on me for thy love.
ROSALINE
My lord Berowne,
You shall this twelvemonth term, from day to day, Visit the speechless sick, and still converse
With groaning wretches; and your task shall be, With all the fierce endeavour of your wit
To enforce the pained impotent to smile. A jest’s prosperity lies in the ear
Of him that hears it, never in the tongue Of him that makes it:
BEROWNE
A twelvemonth! Well, befall what will befall, I’ll jest a twelvemonth in an hospital.
PRINCESS (to the FERDINAND)
Ay, sweet my lord; and so I take my leave.
FERDINAND
No, madam; we will bring you on your way.
The PRINCESS shakes her head no.
BEROWNE
Our wooing doth not end like an old play:
Jack hath not Jill; these ladies’ courtesy Might well have made our sport a comedy.
FERDINAND
Come, sir, it wants a twelvemonth and a day, And then ’twill end.
BEROWNE
That’s too long for a play.
Enter ARMADO from stage rear.
ARMADO
Sweet Majesty, vouchsafe me,—will you hear the dialogue that the two learned men have compiled in praise of the owl and the cuckoo? It should have followed in the end of our show.
FERDINAND
Call them forth quickly; we will do so.
ARMADO
Holla! Approach.
Enter HOLOFERNES, NATHANIEL, MOTH, COSTARD, and others from stage rear.
This is Hiems, Winter; maintained by the owl, Ver, begin.
ALL (standing in a line with a simple right/left step and reciting together)
When all aloud the wind doth blow, And coughing drowns the parson’s saw, And birds sit brooding in the snow, And Marian’s nose looks red and raw,
When roasted crabs hiss in the bowl, Then nightly sings the staring owl: Tu-who;
Tu-whit, to-who—a merry note, While greasy Joan doth keel the pot.
ARMADO
The words of Mercury are harsh after the songs of Apollo.
(to audience) You that way: (gestures to self and cast)
we this way.
All hold hands and take a bow. Exeunt.