Greetings, fellow Le't Make a Sceners!
Here is the script for "Much Ado About Nothing", Let's Make a Scene!
Here it is in PDF format (look for the blue link)
Here is the script in Word format:
Here is the Zoom link for the event:
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83927713237
Here is the Facebook event link:
https://www.facebook.com/share/1Azwn4kYmQ/
**
We look forward to seeing you there with bells on!
Nick
Here is the script text pasted:
Much Ado About Nothing:
The 30-Minute Shakespeare
Characters in the Play
Beatrice: Leonato’s niece and Hero’s cousin
Benedick: A young lord of Padua
Don Pedro: Prince of Aragon
Balthasar: Attendant on Don Pedro
Don Juan: His illegitimate brother
Leonato: Governor of Messina
Claudio: A young lord of Florence
Hero: Leonato’s daughter
Margaret and Ursula: Gentlewomen attending on Hero
Friar Francis: A priest
Dogberry: Master constable
Verges: Dogberry’s assistant.
Narrators
***
Scene 1. (act i, Scene i)
Before Leonato’s house.
Narrator:
As the war ends, the soldiers return to Messina where they are warmly greeted by the Governor, Leonato. Benedick and Beatrice renew their battle of wits.
Beatrice
I pray you, is Signior Benedick returned from the wars or no?
Balthasar
O, he’s returned; and as pleasant as ever he was.
Beatrice
I pray you, how many hath he killed and eaten in these wars?
Leonato
Faith, niece, you tax Signior Benedick too much; but he’ll be meet with you, I doubt it not.
Balthasar
He hath done good service, lady, in these wars.
Beatrice
He hath an excellent stomach.
He is no less than a stuffed man:
but for the stuffing,—well, we are all mortal.
Leonato
You must not, sir, mistake my niece. There is a kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick and her: they never meet but there’s a skirmish of wit between them.
Beatrice
In our last conflict four of his five wits went halting off, and now is the whole man governed with one.
Balthasar
Don Pedro is approached.
Don Pedro
Good Signior Leonato, you are come to meet your trouble: the fashion of the world is to avoid cost, and you encounter it.
Leonato
Never came trouble to my house in the likeness of your grace: for trouble being gone, comfort should remain; but when you depart from me, sorrow abides and happiness takes his leave.
Benedick
What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?
Beatrice
Is it possible disdain should die while she hath such meet food to feed it as Signior Benedick? Courtesy itself must convert to disdain, if you come in her presence.
Benedick
Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of all ladies, only you excepted: and I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart; for, truly, I love none.
Beatrice
A dear happiness to women: they would else have been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that: I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.
Benedick
Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher.
Beatrice
A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.
Benedick
I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and so good a continuer. But keep your way, i’ God’s name; I have done.
Beatrice
You always end with a jade’s trick: I know you of old.
Leonato [to Don John]
Let me bid you welcome, my lord: being reconciled to the prince your brother, I owe you all duty.
Don John
I thank you: I am not of many words, but I thank you.
Leonato [to Don Pedro]
Please it your grace lead on?
Don Pedro
Your hand, Leonato; we will go together.
Scene 2. (act ii, Scene iii)
Leonato’s orchard.
Narrator
Benedick declares that he will never love one woman; The three men trick Benedick into believing Beatrice loves him. Benedick falls for it and decides to love Beatrice.
Benedick
Love may transform me to an oyster; but I’ll take my oath on it, till he have made an oyster of me, he shall never make me a fool. One woman is fair, yet I am well; another is wise, yet I am well; another virtuous, yet I am well; but till all graces be in one woman, one woman shall not come in my grace Ha! the prince and Monsieur Love! I will hide me in the arbour. (hides behind stage left pillar)
Don Pedro
See you where Benedick hath hid himself?
Come hither, Leonato. [louder so Benedick hears] What was it you told me of to-day, that your niece Beatrice was in love with Signior Benedick?
Claudio
I did never think that lady would have loved any man.
Leonato
No, nor I neither; but most wonderful that she should so dote on Signior Benedick, whom she hath in all outward behaviors seemed ever to abhor.
Benedick
Is’t possible? Sits the wind in that corner?
Don Pedro
Why, what effects of passion shows she?
Claudio
Bait the hook well; this fish will bite.
Don Pedro
How, how, pray you? You amaze me: I would have I thought her spirit had been invincible against all assaults of affection.
Leonato
I would have sworn it had, my lord; especially against Benedick.
Benedick [from behind plant, head popping up]
I should think this a gull, but that the white-bearded fellow speaks it: knavery cannot, sure, hide himself in such reverence.
Claudio
He hath ta’en the infection: hold it up.
Don Pedro
Hath she made her affection known to Benedick?
Leonato
No; and swears she never will: that’s her torment.
Leonato
She’ll be up twenty times a night, and there will she sit in her smock till she have writ a sheet of paper: my daughter tells us all.
Claudio
Now you talk of a sheet of paper, I remember a pretty jest your daughter told us of.
Leonato
O, when she had writ it and was reading it over, she found Benedick and Beatrice between the sheet?
Leonato
O, she tore the letter into a thousand halfpence; railed at herself, that she should be so immodest to write to one that she knew would flout her;
Claudio
Then down upon her knees she falls, weeps, sobs, beats her heart, tears her hair, prays, curses; “O sweet Benedick! God give me patience!”
Don Pedro
It were good that Benedick knew of it by some other, if she will not discover it.
Claudio
To what end? He would make but a sport of it and torment the poor lady worse.
Don Pedro
If she should make tender of her love, ’tis very possible he’ll scorn it; for the man, as you know all, hath a contemptible spirit. I am sorry for your niece. Shall we go seek Benedick, and tell him of her love?
Claudio
Never tell him, my lord: let her wear it out with good counsel.
Leonato
Nay, that’s impossible: she may wear her heart out first.
Don Pedro
Well, we will hear further of it by your daughter: let it cool the while. I love Benedick well; and I could wish he would modestly examine himself, to see how much he is unworthy so good a lady.
Leonato
My lord, will you walk? dinner is ready.
Don Pedro
Let there be the same net spread for her.
Benedick
This can be no trick: They have the truth of this from Hero. They seem to pity the lady: it seems her affections have their full bent. Love me! why, it must be requited. I hear how I am censured: I did never think to marry: I must not seem proud: They say the lady is fair; ’tis a truth; and wise, but for loving me; I will be horribly in love with her. The world must be peopled. When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married.
Scene 3. (act iii, Scene i)
Leonato’s garden.
Narrator
Now it is the women’s turn to trick Beatrice into believing that Benedick loves her. She falls for it and decides to love Benedick. Where is this all leading?
***
Hero
Now, Ursula, Margaret, when Beatrice doth come, My talk to thee must be how Benedick Is sick in love with Beatrice. Now begin.
Ursula
But are you sure That Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely?
Hero
So says the prince and my new-trothed lord.
Margaret
And did they bid you tell her of it, madam?
Hero
They did entreat me to acquaint her of it; But I persuaded them, if they loved Benedick, To wish him wrestle with affection, And never to let Beatrice know of it.
Ursula
Why did you so? Doth not the gentleman Deserve as full as fortunate a bed As ever Beatrice shall couch upon?
Hero
She is so self-endeared.
Margaret
Sure, I think so; And therefore certainly it were not good She knew his love, lest she make sport at it.
Ursula
Such carping is not commendable.
Hero
But who dare tell her so? If I should speak, She would mock me into air;
Margaret
She’s limed, I warrant you: we have caught her, madam.
Hero
If it proves so, then loving goes by haps:
Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.
Beatrice
What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true? Stand I condemn’d for pride and scorn so much? Contempt, farewell! and maiden pride, adieu! No glory lives behind the back of such.
And, Benedick, love on; I will requite thee, Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand: If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee To bind our loves up in a holy band; For others say thou dost deserve, and I Believe it better than reportingly.
Scene 4. (act iV, Scene i)
A church.
Narrator
At the wedding of Claudio and Hero, Claudio, having been tricked into believing Hero has been unfaithful, refuses to marry her. Friar Francis hatches a scheme to right this wrong.
Friar Francis [to Claudio]
You come hither, my lord, to marry this lady.
Claudio
No.
Leonato To be married to her: friar, you come to marry her.
Friar Francis
Lady, you come hither to be married to this count.
Hero
I do.
Friar Francis
If either of you know any inward impediment why you should not be conjoined, charge you, on your souls, to utter it.
Claudio
Know you any, Hero?
Hero
None, my lord.
Friar Francis
Know you any, count?
Leonato
I dare make his answer, none.
Claudio
O, what men dare do! what men may do! what men daily do, not knowing what they do!
Stand thee by, friar.Father by your leave:
Will you with free and unconstrained soul Give me this maid, your daughter?
Leonato
As freely, son, as God did give her me.
Claudio
There, Leonato, take her back again:
Give not this rotten orange to your friend; She’s but the sign and semblance of her honour. Behold how like a maid she blushes here! But she is none:
She knows the heat of a luxurious bed; Her blush is guiltiness, not modesty.
Leonato
What do you mean, my lord?
Claudio
Not to be married, Not to knit my soul to an approved wanton. You seem to me as Dian in her orb, As chaste as is the bud ere it be blown; But you are more intemperate in your blood Than Venus, or those pamper’d animals That rage in savage sensuality.
Don John
Sir, they are spoken, and these things are true.
Benedick
This looks not like a nuptial.
Hero
True! O God!
Claudio
Is this face Hero’s? Are our eyes our own?
Hero
O, God defend me! how am I beset!
Claudio
To make you answer truly to your name.
Hero
Is it not Hero? Who can blot that name?
Claudio
Marry, that can Hero; Hero itself can blot out Hero’s virtue. What man was he talk’d with you yesternight Out at your window betwixt twelve and one? Now, if you are a maid, answer to this.
Hero
I talk’d with no man at that hour, my lord.
Don Pedro
Why, then are you no maiden. Leonato, I am sorry you must hear: upon mine honour, Myself, my brother and this grieved count Did see her, hear her, at that hour last night Talk with a ruffian at her chamber-window Who hath indeed, most like a liberal villain confess’d the vile encounters they have had A thousand times in secret.
Don John
Fie, fie! they are not to be named, my lord, Not to be spoke of. Thus, pretty lady, I am sorry for thy much misgovernment.
Claudio
O Hero, what a Hero hadst thou been, If half thy outward graces had been placed About thy thoughts and counsels of thy heart!
But fare thee well, most foul, most fair! farewell, Thou pure impiety and impious purity! For thee I’ll lock up all the gates of love, And on my eyelids shall conjecture hang, To turn all beauty into thoughts of harm, And never shall it more be gracious. (turns his back to hero)
Leonato
Hath no man’s dagger here a point for me?
[hero swoons;]
Beatrice
Why, how now, cousin! wherefore sink you down?
Don John
Come, let us go.
Leonato
Do not live, Hero; do not ope thine eyes:
Why ever wast thou lovely in my eyes?
Mine and mine I loved and mine I praised And mine that I was proud on, mine so much That I myself was to myself not mine, Valuing of her,—why, she, O, she is fallen Into a pit of ink, that the wide sea Hath drops too few to wash her clean again.
Friar Francis
Hear me a little; By noting of the lady I have mark’d A thousand blushing apparitions To start into her face, a thousand innocent shames In angel whiteness beat away those blushes; Trust not my age, My reverence, calling, nor divinity, If this sweet lady lie not guiltless here Under some biting error.
Hero
O my father, Prove you that I yesternight Maintain’d the change of words with any creature, Refuse me, hate me, torture me to death!
Friar Francis
There is some strange misprision in the princes.
Benedick
Two of them have the very bent of honour; And if their wisdoms be misled in this, The practise of it lives in John the bastard, Whose spirits toil in frame of villanies.
Leonato
I know not.
If they wrong her honour, The proudest of them shall well hear of it.
Friar Francis
Pause awhile. Your daughter here the princes left for dead:
Let her awhile be secretly kept in, And publish it that she is dead indeed and do all rites that appertain unto a burial.
Leonato
What shall become of this? what will this do?
Friar Francis
This shall on her behalf Change slander to remorse; So will it fare with Claudio:
When he shall hear she died upon his words, The idea of her life shall sweetly creep Into his study of imagination, (optimistic and comforting) Come, lady, die to live:
this wedding-day Perhaps is but prolong’d: have patience and endure.
Benedick
Lady Beatrice, have you wept all this while?
Beatrice
Yea, and I will weep a while longer.
Benedick
I do love nothing in the world so well as you: (long pause) is not that strange?
Beatrice
You have stayed me in a happy hour: I was about to protest I loved you.
Benedick
Come, bid me do any thing for thee.
Beatrice
Kill Claudio.
Benedick
Ha! not for the wide world.
Beatrice
You kill me to deny it. Farewell.
Benedick
Is Claudio thine enemy?
Beatrice
Is he not approved in the height a villain, that hath slandered, scorned, dishonoured my kinswoman?
—O God, that I were a man! I would eat his heart in the market-place.
I cannot be a man with wishing, therefore I will die a woman with grieving.
Benedick
Tarry, good Beatrice. By this hand, I love thee.
Beatrice
Use it for my love some other way than swearing by it.
Benedick
Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath wronged Hero?
Beatrice
Yea, as sure as I have a thought or a soul.
Benedick
Enough, I am engaged; I will challenge him. I will kiss your hand, and so I leave you. By this hand, Claudio shall render me a dear account. Go, comfort your cousin: I must say she is dead: and so, farewell.
Scene 5. (act iV, Scene ii)
A prison.
Narrator
Constable Dogberry arrests Conrade and manhandles English.
Dogberry
Come, let him be opinioned.
Conrade
Off, coxcomb!
Dogberry
God’s my life, where’s the sexton? let him write down the prince’s officer coxcomb. Come, bind them. (there is nobody there) (to coNrADe) Thou naughty varlet!
Conrade
Away! you are an ass, you are an ass.
Dogberry
Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not suspect my years? O that the Sexton were here to write me down an ass!
But, masters, remember that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass.
No, thou villain, thou art full of piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness.
I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer, and, which is more, a householder, and, which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in Messina, and one that knows the law, go to; and a rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath had losses, and one that hath two gowns and every thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O that I had been writ down an ass!
Scene 6. (act V, Scene iV)
A room in Leonato’s house.
Narrator
We are at another wedding. Let’s hope this one turns
out better than the last one!
Friar Francis
Did I not tell you she was innocent?
Leonato
So are the prince and Claudio, who accused her.
Antonio
Well, I am glad that all things sort so well.
Leonato
Well, daughter, and you gentle-women all, Withdraw into a chamber by yourselves, And when I send for you, come hither mask’d.
Friar Francis
Here comes the prince and Claudio.
Don Pedro
Good morrow to this fair assembly.
Leonato
Good morrow, prince; good morrow, Claudio: We here attend you. Are you yet determined To-day to marry with my brother’s daughter?
Claudio
I’ll hold my mind.
leonaTo
Call her forth, brother; here’s the friar ready.
Claudio
Which is the lady I must seize upon?
Antonio
This same is she, and I do give you her.
Give me your hand: before this holy friar, I am your husband, if you like of me.
Hero
And when I lived, I was your other wife: [unmasking] And when you loved, you were my other husband.
Claudio
Another Hero!
Hero
One Hero died defiled, but I do live, And surely as I live, I am a maid.
Don Pedro
The former Hero! Hero that is dead!
Leonato
She died, my lord, but whiles her slander lived.
Friar Francis
All this amazement can I qualify: When after that the holy rites are ended.
Benedick
Soft and fair, friar. Which is Beatrice?
Beatrice [unmasking]
I answer to that name. What is your will?
Benedick
Do not you love me?
Beatrice
Why, no; no more than reason.
Benedick
Why, then your uncle and the prince and Claudio Have been deceived; they swore you did.
Beatrice
Do not you love me?
Benedick
Troth, no; no more than reason.
Beatrice
Why, then my cousin Margaret and Ursula Are much deceived; for they did swear you did.
Benedick
They swore that you were almost sick for me.
Beatrice
They swore that you were well-nigh dead for me.
Benedick
’Tis no such matter. Then you do not love me?
Beatrice
No, truly, but in friendly recompense.
Leonato
Come, cousin, I am sure you love the gentleman.
Claudio
And I’ll be sworn upon’t that he loves her; For here’s a paper written in his hand, A halting sonnet of his own pure brain, Fashion’d to Beatrice.
Hero
And here’s another Writ in my cousin’s hand, stolen from her pocket, Containing her affection unto Benedick.
Benedick
A miracle! here’s our own hands against our hearts. Come, I will have thee; but, by this light, I take thee for pity.
Beatrice
I would not deny you; but, by this good day, I yield upon great persuasion; and partly to save your life, for I was told you were in a consumption.
Benedick
Peace! I will stop your mouth. [kisses Beatrice]
Don Pedro
How dost thou, Benedick, the married man?
Benedick
In brief, Man is a giddy thing, and this is my conclusion.
[to Claudio]Come, come, we are friends: let’s have a dance ere we are married, that we may lighten our own hearts and our wives’ heels.
Leonato
We’ll have dancing afterward.
Benedick
First, of my word; therefore play, music.
Balthasar
My lord, your brother John is ta’en in flight, And brought with armed men back to Messina.
All other cast members begin to enter, forming a line.
Benedick
Think not on him till to-morrow:
I’ll devise thee brave punishments for him. Strike up, pipers.
ALL sing in unison
Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more, Men were deceivers ever, One foot in sea and one on shore, To one thing constant never:
Then sigh not so, but let them go, And be you blithe and bonny, Converting all your sounds of woe Into Hey nonny, nonny.
All hold hands and take a bow!