The30MinuteShakespeare

CHARACTERS IN THE PLAY

The following is a list of characters that appear in this cutting of

Twelfth Night.

Twenty-three actors performed in the original production. This number can be increased to about thirty or decreased toabout twelve by having actors share or double roles.

For the full breakdown of characters, see Sample Program.

FESTE: Jester to Countess Olivia MARIA: Olivia’s waiting gentlewoman OLIVIA: An Illyrian countess

VIOLA: A lady of Messaline shipwrecked on the coast of Illyria (disguised as Cesario)

MALVOLIO: Steward in Olivia’s household

ORSINO: Duke of Illyria

CURIO: Gentleman serving Orsino

SIR TOBY BELCH: Olivia’s kinsman

SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK: Sir Toby’s companion

ATTENDANTS MUSICIANS NARRATORS

 

 

 

 

✴ SCENE 1. (ACT I, SCENE V)

Olivia’s house.

STAGEHANDS set bench stage right, chair stage left, and table center stage.

Enter NARRATOR from stage rear.

As NARRATOR introduces the roles, players enter from stage rear, cross the stage in character, and exit stage right (see Performance Notes).

 

NARRATOR

Our story takes place in Illyria, an ancient (and mythical) country in Southern Europe on the Adriatic Sea. Two twins, Sebastian and Viola are separated in a shipwreck. Viola, believing her brother Sebastian to be dead, disguises herself as a man and takes a position as a page in the Court of the Duke Orsino, who is romantically pursuing the wealthy Countess Olivia, still mourning the sudden death of her brother. Livingat Olivia’s household is her drunken cousin Sir Toby, with frequent visits by his goofy party friend Sir Andrew Aguecheek.

Also at Olivia’s house are the puritanical and fun- hating Malvolio, the maid, Maria, and the court Fool, who comes and goes as he pleases, Feste: So, our tale begins, with Viola being sent to Olivia’s estate to deliver a love message from the Duke Orsino,

(whispering to audience) whom Viola herself secretly loves. The scene takes place in the courtyard of the estate of Countess Olivia.

 

Exit NARRATOR stage rear.

FESTE, stage right, by bench, is practicing balancing a broom on his chin. Enter MARIA from stage rear. When she enters, FESTE gives a surprised yelp, and the broom drops.

 

MARIA (takes the broom from the ground and sweeps under the table and chair)

Tell me where thou hast been!

My lady will hang thee for thy absence.

 

FESTE

Let her hang me: he that is well hang’d in this world need to fear no colours.

 

MARIA

That may you be bold to say in your foolery.

(sweeps FESTE’S shoes playfully)

FESTE

Well, God give them wisdom that have it; and those that are fools, let them use their talents. (juggles, center stage, and bows to audience)

MARIA

Peace, you rogue, no more o’ that. Here comes my lady: make your excuse wisely, you were best.

(places the broom against the table)

 

Exit MARIA stage rear.

 

FESTE (looking upward)

Wit, an’t be thy will, put me into good fooling!

(winks at audience)

Enter LADY OLIVIA stage left with ATTENDANTS behind her and

 

MALVOLIO bringing up the rear. OLIVIA sits in stage left chair, MALVOLIO stands to her right, and ATTENDANTS standon either side of the table.

 

FESTE (with a big bow and flourish of his hat)

God bless thee, lady!

 

OLIVIA (to MALVOLIO)

Take the fool away.

MALVOLIO starts to take FESTE’S arm, but the latter nimbly escapes, spins around, and lands on the bench in a cross-legged pose, smiling cleverly.

 

FESTE

The lady bade take away the fool; therefore, I say again, take her away.

 

OLIVIA

Sir, I bade them take away you.

FESTE

Lady, I wear not motley in my brain. Good madonna, give me leave to prove you a fool.

OLIVIA

Make your proof.

 

FESTE (approaches the chair and kneels at OLIVIA’S feet)

Good madonna, why mourn’st thou?

 

OLIVIA

Good fool, for my brother’s death.

FESTE

I think his soul is in hell, madonna.

OLIVIA

I know his soul is in heaven, fool.

 

FESTE

The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your brother’s soul being in heaven. Take away the fool, gentlemen.

 

FESTE stands, puts the fool’s cap on OLIVIA’S head, pauses, and puts it on MALVOLIO’S head instead. He begins tolead MALVOLIO out, stage right, but the latter realizes what is happening and indignantly pushes FESTE away.FESTE tumbles over backward, spins around the stage right pole, and finishes leaning against the pole, smiling. MALVOLIO stiffly assumes his position at OLIVIA’S right, and she cracks a small smile at this foolery.

 

OLIVIA

What think you of this fool, Malvolio? Doth he not mend?

 

MALVOLIO

Yes, and shall do till the pangs of death shake him. Infirmity, that decays the wise, doth ever make the better fool.

FESTE

God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the better increasing your folly! (begins to balance the broom on his chin again)

OLIVIA

How say you to that, Malvolio?

MALVOLIO

I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such a barren rascal.

 

MALVOLIO crosses to FESTE and casts the broom across the room with his cane, knocking FESTE to the ground in the process.

FESTE shoots him a dirty look.

 

Look you now, he’s out of his guard already.

ATTENDANT picks up the broom, casually sweeping a little dust toward MALVOLIO, places it at the side of the table,and resumes her position.

 

OLIVIA

O, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio.

 

Exit MALVOLIO stage right, cocking his ear as if hearing a knock at the door.

 

(calling after the departing MALVOLIO) There is no slander in an allow’d fool, though he do nothing but rail.

 

FESTE (regains his composure and grasps the broom once more, dancing around the room)

Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, for thou speak’st well of fools!

Exit FESTE stage right, still dancing with the broom. Enter MALVOLIO stage right, passing the dancing FESTE andgiving him a dirty look. FESTE sweeps the feet and pants of MALVOLIO, who hurries away, indignant, and takes his place at OLIVIA’S right.

 

MALVOLIO

Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman much desires to speak with you. What is to be said to him, lady? He’s fortified against any denial.

OLIVIA

Tell him he shall not speak with me.

MALVOLIO

Has been told so.

OLIVIA

What kind o’ man is he?

MALVOLIO

Why, of mankind.

OLIVIA

Of what personage and years is he?

MALVOLIO

Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough for a boy; one would think his mother’s milk were scarce out of him.

OLIVIA

Let him approach: call in my gentlewoman.

 

MALVOLIO (calling toward curtain)

Gentlewoman, my lady calls.

Exit MALVOLIO stage right. Enter MARIA from curtain.

OLIVIA stands and crosses to table, facing the audience. ATTENDANTS brush her hair and hold the mirror as sheapplies her lipstick.

 

OLIVIA

Give me my veil: come, throw it o’er my face. We’ll once more hear Orsino’s embassy.

 

MARIA places OLIVIA’S veil over her face and then dons her own, as do the ATTENDANTS. They all stand in a line in frontof the chair.

Enter VIOLA, clutching in her hand a rolled up scroll of paper tied with a ribbon. She is confused by the ladies,approaches them, sits on the bench, stands, and tentatively approaches them again.

 

VIOLA

The honourable lady of the house, which is she?

OLIVIA

Speak to me; I shall answer for her. Your will?

 

VIOLA (reading from her paper)

Most radiant, exquisite, and unmatchable beauty, (stops reading) I pray you, tell me if this be the lady ofthe house, for I never saw her: I would be loathe to cast away my speech.

 

OLIVIA

What are you? What would you?

VIOLA

What I am, and what I would, are as secret as maidenhead: to your ears, divinity; to any other’s, profanation. (looks atATTENDANTS and motions with her head for them to leave)

OLIVIA

Give us the place alone: we will hear this divinity.

 

Exit MARIA and ATTENDANTS stage rear.

 

VIOLA

Good madam, let me see your face.

 

OLIVIA (moves toward the table and takes a quick peek at the mirror)

You are now out of your text: but we will draw the curtain, and show you the picture. (removes her veil) Look you, sir, such a one I was, this present: is’t not well done?

 

VIOLA (with a look of admiration, and perhaps some envy or disappointment)

Excellently done, if God did all.

 

OLIVIA

’Tis in grain, sir; ’twill endure wind and weather.

VIOLA

My lord and master loves you.

OLIVIA

How does he love me?

VIOLA

With adorations, with fertile tears,

With groans that thunder love, with sighs of fire.

OLIVIA

Your lord does know my mind; I cannot love him.

(returns to her chair, and sits)

VIOLA

If I did love you in my master’s flame,

 

With such a suffering, such a deadly life, In your denial I would find no sense;

I would not understand it.

 

OLIVIA

Why, what would you?

 

VIOLA (strolls to the stage right pole, leans against it, and gazes out toward the audience)

Make me a willow cabin at your gate, And call upon my soul within the house; Write loyal cantons of contemned love,

And sing them loud even in the dead of night; Halloo your name to the reverberate hills, And make the babbling gossip of the air

Cry out, “Olivia!”

 

OLIVIA (stands up from chair and moves slowly and somewhat seductively toward VIOLA, backing her into the stage right pole)

You might do much. What is your parentage?

 

VIOLA

Above my fortunes, yet my state is well: (clears her throat and tries to speak in a lower, more masculine voice)

I am a gentleman.

OLIVIA

Get you to your lord;

I cannot love him: let him send no more; Unless, perchance, you come to me again, To tell me how he takes it. Fare you well:

I thank you for your pains: spend this for me.

(gives her a large coin)

 

VIOLA

I am no fee’d post, lady; keep your purse: (starts to leave stage right, stops, and turns back)

My master, not myself, lacks recompense. Farewell, fair cruelty.

 

Exit VIOLA stage right.

 

OLIVIA (walking excitedly in a semicircle toward the table, stopping to inspect herself in the mirror)

Thy tongue, thy face, thy limbs, actions, and spirit, Do give thee fivefold blazon: not too fast;

(stops center stage to keep herself in check)

Soft, soft!

Even so quickly may one catch the plague?

(catches her breath, leaning against the table for support; takes a sip of wine, fans herself, looks at the wine glass, then drains it in one gulp)

Methinks I feel this youth’s perfections With an invisible and subtle stealth

To creep in at mine eyes. Well, let it be. What, ho, Malvolio!

Enter MALVOLIO stage right.

 

MALVOLIO

Here, madam, at your service.

OLIVIA

Run after that same peevish messenger,

The county’s man: he left this ring behind him, If that the youth will come this way to-morrow, I’ll give him reasons for’t. (hands him the ring)

Hie thee, Malvolio.

MALVOLIO

Madam, I will.

 

Exit MALVOLIO stage right.

 

OLIVIA (facing front)

I do I know not what; and fear to find Mine eye too great a flatterer for my mind.

Fate, show thy force: ourselves we do not owe; What is decreed must be, and be this so!

Exit OLIVIA, quickly, stage left.

STAGEHANDS remove bench, place chair stage right, bring on throne and place it to the right of chair, and placetable stage left, setting it with wine bottle, glasses, and a plate of fruit.

Enter NARRATOR from stage rear.

✴ SCENE 2. (ACT II, SCENE IV)

Duke Orsino’s palace.

 

NARRATOR

Back at Duke Orsino’s palace, the Duke has a “man to man” talk with Viola about men’s passions, as Viola struggles to keep her own feelings for the Duke secret.

Exit NARRATOR stage rear.

Enter DUKE ORSINO, VIOLA, and CURIO from stage left. Enter DUKE ORSINO’S BAND from stage rear, comically playing over one an- other. DUKE ORSINO sits in his throne, with VIOLA in the chair to his left and CURIO standing to the right of the table. CURIO offers an apple slice to DUKE ORSINO, who takes a thoughtful bite and puts the slice back on the tray. The music stops.

 

DUKE ORSINO

If Music be the food of love, play on! Now, good Cesario, but that piece of song,

That old and antique song we heard last night: Methought it did relieve my passion much, Come, but one verse.

 

CURIO

He is not here, so please your lordship, that should sing it.

 

CURIO offers an apple slice to VIOLA, who reaches for it then changes her mind. As CURIO passes by BAND, a membergrabs

 

a slice, and the other members roll their eyes. Before she can eat it, CURIO snatches the slice away, looks around,cleans it off a bit, and puts it back on the tray. He then takes a bite of fruit himself, and puts the rest in his pocket.

 

DUKE ORSINO

Who was it?

 

CURIO (regaining his composure, trying not to reveal that he has eaten the fruit)

Feste, the jester, my lord; a fool that the Lady Olivia’s father took much delight in: he is about the house.

 

DUKE ORSINO

Seek him out: and play the tune the while.

Exit CURIO stage left.

Once again, BAND begins to play, each member playing over the other.

 

Come hither, boy: if ever thou shalt love, In the sweet pangs of it remember me; How dost thou like this tune?

 

VIOLA

It gives a very echo to the seat Where Love is throned.

 

VIOLA leans against DUKE ORSINO while the music plays, and both feel a strange sense of discomfort. The music stops.

 

DUKE ORSINO (regains his composure)

Thou dost speak masterly:

My life upon’t, young though thou art, thine eye

 

Hath stay’d upon some favour that it loves; Hath it not, boy?

 

VIOLA

A little, by your favour.

 

DUKE ORSINO

What kind of woman is’t?

 

VIOLA

Of your complexion.

 

VIOLA moves her chair closer to his, beginning to lean against him, when they are surprised.

Enter CURIO and FESTE from stage rear.

 

DUKE ORSINO

O, fellow, come, the song we had last night. It is old and plain,

And dallies with the innocence of love, Like the old age.

 

FESTE

Are you ready, sir?

 

DUKE ORSINO

Ay; prithee, sing.

BAND MEMBER is about to get her chance for a solo, and there is a silence as she takes time to prepare. Shetriumphantly blows one note, but it is interrupted by a sudden whistle from FESTE. Enter DRUMMERS stage right, followed by other members of

FESTE’S BAND. ALL dance and move to the music, with DUKE ORSINO’S BAND eventually joining in.

 

FESTE (with singers repeating certain words) Come away, come away, death, And in sad cypress letme be laid; Fly away, fly away, breath;

I am slain by a fair cruel maid.

My shroud of white, stuck all with yew, O, prepare it!

My part of death, no one so true Did share it.

Not a flower, not a flower sweet,

On my black coffin let there be strown; Not a friend, not a friend greet

My poor corpse, where my bones shall be thrown: A thousand thousand sighs to save,

Lay me, O, where

Sad true lover never find my grave, To weep there!

Exit FESTE, SINGERS, BANDS, and CURIO stage right, all dancing and drumming. DUKE ORSINO and VIOLA look onamusedly. They are alone now.

 

VIOLA

My Lord,

Say that some lady, as perhaps there is, Hath for your love as great a pang of heart As you have for Olivia . . .

 

DUKE ORSINO

There is no woman’s sides

Can bide the beating of so strong a passion As love doth give my heart; no woman’s heart So big, to hold so much. Make no compare Between that love a woman can bear me

And that I owe Olivia.

 

VIOLA (crosses to the table and sneaks a look at herself in her pocket mirror)

Ay, but I know—

 

DUKE ORSINO

What dost thou know?

 

VIOLA (turns to face him; walks slightly forward, center stage)

Too well what love women to men may owe: In faith, they are as true of heart as we.

My father had a daughter loved a man, As it might be, perhaps, were I a woman,

I should your lordship. (throws him a coy, sidelong glance)

 

DUKE ORSINO

And what’s her history?

 

VIOLA (turns her head away from him again; speaks out to audience)

A blank, my lord. She never told her love. And, with a green and yellow melancholy, She sat like Patience on a monument,

Smiling at grief. (turns to him) Was not this love indeed? We men may say more, swear more: but, indeed,

Our shows are more than will; for still we prove Much in our vows, but little in our love.

 

DUKE ORSINO (walks sympathetically toward VIOLA and puts his arm around her shoulder)

But died thy sister of her love, my boy?

 

VIOLA (liking his touch but also finding it hard to bear; pulls away, turns, and takes a step forward)

I am all the daughters of my father’s house,

 

And all the brothers too; and yet I know not.

(pauses; turns back to him)

Sir, shall I to this lady?

 

DUKE ORSINO

Ay, that’s the theme.

To her in haste; give her this jewel; say, My love can give no place, bide no delay.

Exit VIOLA stage right and DUKE ORSINO stage rear, both stopping to look back at each other as they leave.

STAGEHANDS remove throne, move table to center stage, and place two more chairs around the table, setting it withtwo mugs (one large and one small), bottle of wine, pot, pan, and two wooden spoons.

Enter NARRATOR from stage rear.

 

 

 

 

✴ SCENE 3. (ACT II, SCENE III)

Olivia’s house.

 

NARRATOR

Meanwhile, back at Olivia’s house, Sir Toby,

Sir Andrew, and Feste sing and dance the night away. This does not sit well with Malvolio.

Exit NARRATOR stage rear.

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK from stage rear. SIR TOBY immediately fills the huge mug forhimself and the small one for his companion. He takes a center stage seat.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Approach, Sir Andrew: not to be a-bed after midnight is to be up betimes. (hands the small cup to SIR ANDREW, who examines his meager portion)

 

SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK (sits in stage right chair)

I know not: but I know, to be up late is to be up late.

(clink their mugs and drink to that)

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

A false conclusion: I hate it as an unfill’d can. (holds up empty wine bottle and tries to shake out its last fewdrops) To be up after midnight, and to go to bed then, is early; let us therefore eat and drink. (calls to stageleft door) Maria, I say! A stoup of wine! (waves the empty bottle about, attempting to suck out more liquid, somehow)

 

SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK

Here comes the fool, i’ faith.

Enter FESTE from stage right.

SIR ANDREW spots FESTE, who motions for him to be quiet as he taps SIR TOBY on his right shoulder, then his left, and hides behind the chair. He peers over the top of the chair, surprising SIR TOBY, who gives a whoop and nearly jumps out of his seat.

 

FESTE

How now, my hearts! Did you never see the picture of We Three?

 

FESTE puts his arm around the two men and produces a flask from his pocket, which delights SIR TOBY. He sits in stage right chair.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Welcome, ass. Now let’s have a catch.

 

SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK

By my troth, the fool has an excellent breast. Now, a song.

SIR TOBY reaches into his own purse, which is empty, so he reaches into SIR ANDREW’S, who doesn’t even notice. SIR TOBY hands a coin to FESTE.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Come on; there is sixpence for you: let’s have a song.

 

FESTE

Would you have a love-song, or a song of good life?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

A love-song, a love-song.

 

SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK

Ay, ay: I care not for good life.

FESTE gives a flourish and a whistle, and FESTE’S BAND enters noisily to see what the commotion is about. Once thedisorder dies down, SINGERS perform the song, standing between FESTE and TOBY, slightly upstage.

 

SINGERS

O mistress mine, where are you roaming? O, stay and hear; your true-love’s coming, That can sing both high and low:

Trip no further, pretty sweeting; Journeys end in lovers’ meeting, Every wise man’s son doth know. What is love? ’Tis not hereafter; Present mirth hath present laughter; What’s to come is still unsure:

In delay there lies no plenty;

Then come kiss me, sweet-and-twenty, Youth’s a stuff will not endure.

 

SINGERS curtsy coyly to the men as MARIA grabs one of the wine jugs for them to share. Exit SINGERS and MARIA stage left.

 

SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK (leaning on his elbows, his face close to SIR TOBY’S, gazing fondly toward where the women once were)

A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH (smells his breath and falls back in his chair)

A contagious breath.

 

SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK (not realizing SIR TOBY is referring to his breath)

Very sweet and contagious, i’ faith.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion. But shall we make the welkin dance indeed?

 

SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK

Most certain. Let our catch be, “Thou knave.” Begin, fool: it begins, “Hold thy peace.”

 

FESTE

I shall never begin, if I hold my peace.

 

SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK

Good, i’ faith. Come, begin.

They all stand and sing the song, accompanied by FESTE’S BAND, and dance around the table banging pots and pans, singing, “Hold thy peace, Thou Knave,—Huh! Hold thy peace!”

Enter MARIA stage right.

 

MARIA

What a caterwauling do you keep here! If my lady have not call’d up her steward Malvolio, and bid him turn you out of doors, never trust me.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Tilly-vally, lady! (sings) “There dwelt a man in Babylon, lady, lady!”

SIR ANDREW, FESTE, and FESTE’S BAND join in, repeating “Lady lady,” and the noise level rises again.

 

MARIA

For the love o’ God, peace!

 

Enter MALVOLIO from stage rear. He is dressed in a ridiculous nightshirt, nightcap, and slippers.

MALVOLIO

My masters, are you mad? Or what are you? Have you no wit, manners, nor honesty, but to gabble like tinkers at this time of night? Do ye make an ale-house of my lady’s house? Is there no respect of place, persons, nor time, in you?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck-up!

(offers his mug to MALVOLIO, who recoils in disgust)

 

MALVOLIO

Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady bade me tell you, that, though she harbours you as her kinsman, she’s nothing allied to your disorders.

 

DRUMMERS start up again.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH (sings)

Shall I bid him go?

 

FESTE (sings)

What an if you do?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH (sings)

Shall I bid him go, and spare not?

 

FESTE (sings)

O, no, no, no, no, you dare not.

MALVOLIO takes a drumstick from DRUMMER and breaks it. DRUMMER immediately produces another drumstick fromhis jacket pocket.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH (walks right into MALVOLIO’S face)

Out o’ time, sir? Ye lie. Art any more than a steward? Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale? Go, sir, rub your chain with crumbs. A stoup of wine, Maria!

 

MALVOLIO (takes a step toward curtain and turns around) Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady’s favour at anything more than contempt, you would not give means for this uncivil rule: she shall know of it, by this hand.

Exit MALVOLIO stage rear.

 

MARIA (calling after him)

Go shake your ears!

ALL join in with a rousing chorus of, “Go shake your ears! Go shake your ears!”

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Come, Come. I’ll go burn some sack; ’tis too late to go to bed now.

Drums start softly as a prelude to singing of the last song. Enter NARRATOR from stage right, coming downstage.

NARRATOR

In time, Viola’s twin brother Sebastian reappears alive and well,

Enter VIOLA from stage right (as Sebastian) with her hair still up.

 

and marries the happy Olivia,

Enter OLIVIA from stage left; she dances with VIOLA (as Sebastian).

 

and the Duke Orsino finds love with the ecstatic Viola.

VIOLA turns around, lets down her hair, spins back around, and dances with DUKE ORSINO, who has entered from stage right.

 

Sir Toby and Maria even get married!

SIR TOBY and MARIA dance.

 

What a life! And, even though there is still some ill will between Malvolio and the revelers, for the

end of our merry play, we invited him to join in the dance too!

Enter MALVOLIO from stage rear, who stands stiffly with arms crossed, scowling, and then gradually begins to smileand dance a little.

Enter ALL, dancing.

 

ALL (singing “The Wind and the Rain”)

When that I was and a little tiny boy, With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, A foolish thing was but a toy,

For the rain it raineth every day.

 

But when I came to man’s estate, With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,

’Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate, For the rain it raineth every day.

 

But when I came, alas, to wive, With hey, ho, the wind and the rain By swaggering could Inever thrive, For the rain it raineth every day.