Let's Make a Scene: As You Like It! Wed Sep 24th, 2025 7:30 to 8:30 PM

Time for our monthly fun Zoom Shakespeare spectacular. We engage in a dramatic round-robin reading of As You Like it: The 30-Minute Shakespeare

 This time the whimsical comedy As You Like It, where Rosalind and Celia go into the forest of Arden disguised as men, wherein mistaken identity, love, folly, philosophy, rural hijinks and magic ensue!

We read the 30-Minute script round-robin over Zoom, which means you can be a Fool, a tyrant, a lovestruck cross-dresser, a goofy shepherd or a usurping Duke. All in one brief fun play!

 No experience necessary, just a desire to have some fun on a Monday eve from the comfort of your own home with a group of fellow silly armchair thespians lookin' to throw around some high drama.

 Here is Zoom link:

Here is the Facebook event link

 Here is the script as a word doc: (click on the blue)

Here is the script as a PDF: (click on the blue)

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Here is the script text pasted:

CAST of Characters:

DUKE SENIOR: Living in banishment

DUKE FREDERICK: Duke Senior’s brother, and usurper of

his dominions

ROSALIND: Daughter to the banished Duke Senior

CELIA: Rosalind’s cousin, daughter to Duke Frederick

AMIENS

JAQUES/  Lords attending the banished Duke

OLIVER

ORLANDO  /Sons of Sir Rowland de Boys

TOUCHSTONE: A clown

CORIN: A shepherd

SILVIUS: A young shepherd in love

AUDREY: A goatkeeper

PHEBE: A shepherdess

HYMEN: Goddess of Marriage

 

Scene 1. (Act I, Scene III)

A room in Duke Frederick’s palace.

NARRATOR 

Our play begins in the court of the hateful Duke Frederick, who has banished his brother, the former Duke Senior, to the forest of Arden, and now banishes his niece Rosalind as well. Rosalind and her cousin, Duke Frederick’s daughter Celia, devise a plan to escape to the forest together. 

CELIA

Why, cousin Rosalind! Is it

possible, on such a sudden, you should fall into so

strong a liking with old Sir Rowland's youngest son?

ROSALIND

The duke my father loved his father dearly.

CELIA

Doth it therefore ensue that you should love his son

dearly?  

ROSALIND

Let me love him for that, and do you love him

because I do. Look, here comes the duke.

CELIA

With his eyes full of anger.

DUKE FREDERICK

Mistress, dispatch you with your safest haste

And get you from our court.

ROSALIND

Me, uncle?

DUKE FREDERICK

You, cousin

Within these ten days if that thou be'st found          

So near our public court as twenty miles,

Thou diest for it.

ROSALIND

I do beseech your grace,

Let me the knowledge of my fault bear with me.

DUKE FREDERICK

Thou art thy father's daughter; there's enough

CELIA

If she be a traitor, why so am I.

Pronounce that sentence then on me, my liege:

I cannot live out of her company.

DUKE FREDERICK (to Celia)

You are a fool. (to Rosalind)  You, niece, if you outstay the time, upon mine honor,

And in the greatness of my word, you die.

CELIA

O my poor Rosalind, whither wilt thou go?

Wilt thou change fathers?  I will give thee mine.

Let my father seek another heir.

Therefore devise with me how we may fly,

I'll go along with thee.

ROSALIND

Why, whither shall we go?

CELIA 

To seek my uncle in the forest of Arden.

ROSALIND 

Alas, what danger will it be to us,

Maids as we are, to travel forth so far!

Beauty provoketh thieves sooner than gold.

Were it not better,

That I did suit me all points like a man?

We'll have a swashing and a martial outside,

As many other mannish cowards have

That do outface it with their semblances.

CELIA

What shall I call thee when thou art a man? 

ROSALIND  

I'll have no worse a name than Jove's own page;

And therefore look you call me Ganymede.

But what will you be call'd?

CELIA  

Something that hath a reference to my state

No longer Celia, but Aliena. 

ROSALIND  

But, cousin, what if we assay'd to steal

The clownish fool out of your father's court?

Would he not be a comfort to our travel?

CELIA 

He'll go along o'er the wide world with me.

Leave me alone to woo him. Let's away.    

 

Scene 2. (Act II, Scene I)

The Forest of Arden.

NARRATOR from 

In the Forest of Arden, Duke Senior and his exiled Lords make the best of their life in the woods, 

where they meet Orlando, who himself has been cast out by his older brother Oliver. 

DUKE SENIOR

Now, my co-mates and brothers in exile,

Are not these woods

More free from peril than the envious court?

Sweet are the uses of adversity,

Which finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks,

Sermons in stones, and good in every thing. 

AMIENS 

Happy is your grace,

That can translate the stubbornness of fortune

Into so quiet and so sweet a style. 

DUKE SENIOR

Why, how now, monsieur Jaques! What, you look merrily!

JAQUES

A fool, a fool!  I met a fool i' the forest,

A motley fool; 

a miserable world!

O that I were a fool!

I must have liberty as the wind,

To blow on whom I please; 

for so fools have;

But who comes here? 

ORLANDO.

Forbear, and eat no more.

JAQUES 

Why, I have eat none yet. 

DUKE SENIOR

What would you have?  

ORLANDO  

I almost die for food; and let me have it.

DUKE SENIOR  

Sit down and feed, and welcome to our table.

ORLANDO

Speak you so gently?  )

Pardon me, I pray you:

I thought that all things had been savage here;       

If ever you have look'd on better days,

If ever from your eyelids wiped a tear

Let gentleness my strong enforcement be:

In the which hope I blush, and hide my sword. 

DUKE SENIOR

True is it that we have seen better days.

ORLANDO

Then but forbear your food a little while,

Whiles, like a doe, I go to find my fawn.

DUKE SENIOR (to Jaques)

Thou seest we are not all alone unhappy:

This wide and universal theatre

Presents more woeful pageants than the scene

Wherein we play in.

JAQUES 

All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players: 

They have their exits and their entrances;  

And one man in his time plays many parts,

Last scene of all,

That ends this strange eventful history,

Is second childishness and mere oblivion,

Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything. 

DUKE SENIOR 

Give us some music; and, good cousin, sing.

SONG [sung as they exit]

Blow, blow, thou winter wind.

Thou art not so unkind

As man's ingratitude;

Thy tooth is not so keen,

Because thou art not seen,

Although thy breath be rude.

Heigh-ho! Sing, heigh-ho! Unto the green holly:

Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:   

Then, heigh-ho, the holly!

This life is most jolly.

Heigh-ho! 

 

Scene 3 (Act III, Scene II)

NARRATOR 

Orlando hangs love notes for Rosalind in the forest. Rosalind, as Ganymede, and Celia, as Aliena, discover the love notes and meet the lovestruck Orlando.

.

[ORLANDO hangs a piece of paper on tree.]

ORLANDO

Hang there, my verse, in witness of my love:

O Rosalind! These trees shall be my books

Run, run, Orlando; carve on every tree

The fair, the chaste and unexpressive she. 

[Enter ROSALIND with a paper, reading].

ROSALIND

From the east to western Ind,

No jewel is like Rosalind.

Let no fair be kept in mind

But the fair of Rosalind.

TOUCHSTONE 

If a hart do lack a hind,

Let him seek out Rosalind.

Sweetest nut hath sourest rind,

Such a nut is Rosalind.   

He that sweetest rose will find

Must find love's prick and Rosalind. 

ROSALIND

Peace, you dull fool! Here comes my sister, reading: stand aside.

Enter Celia from stage right, reading.

CELIA

Nature presently distilled

Helen’s cheek, but not her heart,

Cleopatra’s majesty,

Atalanta’s better part,

Sad Lucretia’s modesty.

Rosalind of many parts

Of many faces, eyes and hearts,    

Heaven would that she these gifts should have,

And I to live and die her slave.

[to Corin and Touchstone]

How now! Back, friends! Shepherd, go off a little.

Go with him, sirrah.

TOUCHSTONE

Come, shepherd, let us make an honorable retreat.

CELIA

Dids’t thou hear without wondering how thy

name should be hanged and carved upon these trees?

Trow you who hath done this? 

ROSALIND

I prithee now 

tell me who it is.

CELIA

O wonderful, wonderful, and most wonderful

wonderful! And yet again wonderful, and after that,  

out of all hooping!

ROSALIND

I prithee take the cork out of thy mouth, that I may drink thy tidings.

CELIA

So you may put a man in your belly. 

It is young Orlando.

ROSALIND

Orlando?

CELIA

Orlando. 

ROSALIND

Alas the day! What shall I do with my doublet and

hose? What did he when thou sawest him? What said

he? How looked he? Did he ask for me? Where remains he?

and when shalt thou see   

him again? Answer me in one word.

CELIA

You must borrow me Gargantua’s mouth first—

ROSALIND

But doth he know that I am in this forest and in

man's apparel? Sweet, say on.

CELIA

I found him under a tree like a dropped acorn.

Soft! Comes he not here?

ROSALIND

'Tis he: slink by, and note him.

[Aside to CELIA] I will speak to him, like a saucy  

lackey and under that habit play the knave with him.

Enter ORLANDO.

ROSALIND [She speaks in a low, mannish tone.]

ROSALIND

Do you hear, forester?

ORLANDO

Very well: what would you?

ROSALIND

There is a man haunts the forest, that

abuses our young plants with carving “Rosalind” on   

their barks; if I could meet that fancy-monger I would

give him some good counsel, for he seems to have the

quotidian of love upon him.

ORLANDO

I am he that is so love-shaked: I pray you tell me

your remedy.

ROSALIND

Love is merely a madness, 

Yet I profess curing it by counsel.   

ORLANDO

Did you ever cure any so?

ROSALIND

Yes, one, and in this manner. He was to imagine me

his love, his mistress; and I set him every day to

woo me, and thus I cured him. 

ORLANDO 

I would not be cured, youth.   

ROSALIND 

I would cure you, if you would but call me Rosalind

and come every day to my cote and woo me. 

ORLANDO 

With all my heart, good youth.

ROSALIND

Nay you must call me Rosalind. Come, sister, will

you go?    

.

            

Scene 4 (Act III, Scene III)

NARRATOR

Touchstone has a strong attraction to the simple goatherder Audrey, who does not seem to understand his witticisms very well.

TOUCHSTONE

Come apace, good Audrey. I will fetch up your goats, Audrey. 

And, how now, Audrey. Am I the man yet? Doth my simple feature content you? 

AUDREY 

Your features, Lord warrant us!

What features?

TOUCHSTONE)

I am here with thee and thy goats, as the most capricious poet, honest Ovid, was among the Goths. 

Truly, I would the gods had made thee poetical.

AUDREY

I do not know what “poetical” is. Is it honest in deed and word? Is it a true thing?

TOUCHSTONE 

No, truly, for the truest poetry is the most feigning, and lovers are given to poetry

AUDREY

Would you not have me honest?

TOUCHSTONE

Truly, and to cast away honesty upon a foul slut were to put good meat into an unclean dish

AUDREY

I am not a slut, although I thank the gods I am foul (thinks she is flattering herself, not knowing the meaning of the words she speaks

TOUCHSTONE

Well, praised be the gods for thy foulness; sluttishness may come hereafter. But be it as it may be, I will marry thee. 

AUDREY

Well, the gods give us joy

TOUCHSTONE

Come, sweet Audrey. We must be married, or we must live in bawdry. 

 

Scene 5 (Act III, Scene V)

Another part of the forest.

NARRATOR 

Silvius, a lovestruck shepherd, vainly woos the scornful Phebe, who falls for Rosalind (as Ganymede). Nothing is simple in love!

SILVIUS

Sweet Phebe, do not scorn me

If ever you meet in some fresh cheek

the power of fancy,

Then shall you know the wounds invisible   

That love's keen arrows make.

PHEBE 

But till that time

Come not thou near me: and when that time comes,

Afflict me with thy mocks, pity me not;

As till that time I shall not pity thee.

ROSALIND)

And why, I pray you? What though you have no beauty,--

Must you be therefore proud and pitiless? 

Why, what means this? Why do you look on me?[(to Celia] I think she means to tangle my eyes too! 

No, faith, proud mistress, hope not after it. 

[to Silvius] You foolish shepherd, wherefore do you follow her,

Like foggy south puffing with wind and rain?

'tis such fools as you

That makes the world full of ill-favor'd children:

[to Phebe] Mistress, sell when you can: you are not for all markets:    

Cry the man mercy; love him; take his offer:

Foul is most foul, being foul to be a scoffer.

So take her to thee, shepherd: fare you well

PHEBE

Sweet youth, I pray you, chide a year together:

I had rather hear you chide than this man woo.

ROSALIND [to Phebe]

He's fallen in love with your foulness 

[to Celia]and she'll fall in love with my anger. I'll sauce her

with bitter words. [to Phebe] Why look you so upon me?    

I pray you, do not fall in love with me,

For I am falser than vows made in wine:

Besides, I like you not. 

[to Silvius]Shepherd, ply her hard

PHEBE 

“Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?”

SILVIUS 

Sweet Phebe,—

PHEBE)

Ha, what say'st thou, Silvius?

SILVIUS 

I would have you.

PHEBE 

Silvius, the time was that I hated thee,

But since that thou canst talk of love so well,

Thy company, I will endure. 

SILVIUS

Loose now and then

A scatter'd smile, and that I'll live upon.

PHEBE 

Know'st now the youth that spoke to me erewhile?

SILVIUS

Not very well, but I have met him oft;

PHEBE

Think not I love him, though I ask for him:

There was a pretty redness in his lip,

The best thing in him is his complexion.

I love him not nor hate him not; (angering a bit)

and yet I have more cause to hate him than to love him:

For what had he to do to chide at me?

I will be bitter with him and passing short.

Go with me, Silvius. 

SILVIUS Phebe, with all my heart!

.

 

Scene 6 (Act V, Scene II)

The forest.

NARRATOR 

Oliver, having reconciled with his brother Orlando, tells of his love for Aliena. Meanwhile, Rosalind assures Orlando, Silvius, and Phebe that she can solve all of their love woes, and that they will all be married the next day.

ORLANDO

Is't possible that on so little acquaintance you

should like her? That but seeing you should love

her? And loving woo? And, wooing, she should

grant? And will you persever to enjoy her?

OLIVER

Neither call the giddiness of it in question, my sudden

wooing, nor her sudden consenting; 

I love Aliena; 

consent with both that we may enjoy each other: it

shall be to your good; for my father's house and all  

the revenue that was old Sir Rowland's will I

estate upon you, and here live and die a shepherd. 

ORLANDO 

You have my consent. Let your wedding be to-morrow:

 Go you and prepare Aliena. 

ROSALIND 

O, my dear Orlando. 

Your brother and my sister no sooner

met but they looked, no sooner looked but they

they made a pair of stairs

to marriage. They are in the very wrath of love

and they will together;

clubs cannot part them.   

ORLANDO

They shall be married to-morrow, Ganymede. [turns toward her]

But, O, how bitter a thing it

is to look into happiness through another man's

eyes!

ROSALIND

Why then, to-morrow I cannot serve your turn for

Rosalind? 

ORLANDO

I can live no longer by thinking.

ROSALIND 

Believe then, if

you please, that I can do strange things: I have,

since I was three year old, conversed with a

magician. If you do love Rosalind so near the heart

as your gesture cries it out, when your brother

marries Aliena, shall you marry her.

Look, here comes a lover of mine and a lover of hers.

PHEBE [to Rosalind]

Youth, you have done me much ungentleness.

ROSALIND

You are there followed by a faithful shepherd;

Look upon him, love him; he worships you. 

PHEBE

Good shepherd, tell this youth what 'tis to love.

SILVIUS

It is to be all made of sighs and tears;

And so am I for Phebe.

PHEBE

And I for Ganymede. 

ORLANDO

And I for Rosalind.

ROSALIND

And I for no woman. 

SILVIUS

It is to be all made of faith and service;

And so am I for Phebe.

PHEBE

And I for Ganymede.

ORLANDO

And I for Rosalind.  

ROSALIND

And I for no woman.

SILVIUS

It is to be all made of fantasy,

All made of passion and all made of wishes,

And so am I for Phebe.

PHEBE

And so am I for Ganymede.

ORLANDO

And so am I for Rosalind.

ROSALIND

And so am I for no woman.    

Pray you, no more of this; 'tis like the howling

of Irish wolves against the moon.

[to SILVIUS]

I will help you, if I can:

[to PHEBE]

I would love you, if I could. To-morrow meet me all

together.  

[to PHEBE]

I will marry you, if ever I marry woman, and I'll be

married to-morrow:

[to ORLANDO, passionately]

I will satisfy you, if ever I satisfied man, and you

shall be married to-morrow:

[to SILVIUS]

I will content you, if what pleases you contents

you, and you shall be married to-morrow.

 

 

Scene 7. (Act V, Scene IV)

The forest.

NARRATOR

The Goddess of Marriage, Hymen, arrives to bring the lovers together and the comedy to a merry ending..

DUKE SENIOR

Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boy

Can do all this that he hath promised?

ORLANDO

I sometimes do believe, and sometimes do not;

As those that fear they hope, and know they fear.

HYMEN 

With great importance and Godliness

Then is there mirth in heaven,

When earthly things made even

Atone together.

Good duke, receive thy daughter

Hymen from heaven brought her,

That thou mightst join her hand with his    

Whose heart within his bosom is.

ROSALIND

[to ORLANDO]

To you I give myself, for I am yours.

DUKE SENIOR

If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.

ORLANDO

If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.

PHEBE [to Rosalind]

If sight and shape be true,

Why then, my love adieu!

HYMEN

Peace, ho! I bar confusion:

'Tis I must make conclusion

Of these most strange events:

Here's eight that must take hands

To join in Hymen's bands,

If truth holds true contents.

Whiles a wedlock-hymn we sing,

Feed yourselves with questioning;

That reason wonder may diminish,

How thus we met, and these things finish.

DUKE SENIOR

Proceed, proceed: we will begin these rites,

As we do trust they'll end, in true delights.

 

[Readers each read one line of the song]

It was a lover and his lass

With a hey, and a ho, and a hey-nonny-no,

That o’er the green cornfield did pass

In springtime, the only pretty ring time,

When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding.

Sweet lovers love the spring.

And therefore take the present time,

With a hey, and a ho, and a hey-nonny no,

For love is crowned with the prime,

In springtime, the only pretty ring time,

When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding.

Sweet lovers love the spring.

 

THE END!

 

 

 

All participants will receive a FREE emailed PDF of As You Like It: The 30-Minute Shakespeare

Let's Make a Scene: Richard III Tuesday August 26th, 2025 7:30 to 8:30 PM

We hope you can join us for our monthly "Let's Make a Scene!"  Tuesday, August 26th, 7:30 to 8:30 PM EST.

 We will round-robin read Richard III: The 30-Minute Shakespeare over Zoom.

 Be a villainous hunchback King, a grieving-but-easily-seduced widow, a vicious ex-queen, someone soon-to-be murdered, the ghosts of the recently murdered, and more!  All in good fun.

 Revel in this (summer-like) winter of our discontent!

 No experience necessary, just show up and read the script in a dramatic fashion.  Here is a link to the script to download and print it or read it on a tablet:

Word doc: (click on blue link to open/download:)

Here is the script as PDF:


Here it is pasted as text:

Characters In the Play

The following is a list of characters that appear in this cutting of Richard III.

Twenty characters appeared in the original production. This number can be increased to about thirty or decreased to about twelve by having actors share or double roles.

For the full breakdown of characters, see Sample Program.

Richard, Duke oF Gloucester: later King Richard III 

Clarence: Brother to King Edward and Richard

Guard

Lady Anne: Widow of Prince Edward (son to the late King   Henry VI), later wife to Richard

Queen Elizabeth: King Edward’s wife (formerly the Lady 

Grey)

Duke of Buckingham

Queen Margaret: Widow of King Henry VI

James Tyrrell: Gentleman 

Narrator

Duchess of York: Mother of Richard, Edward, and Clarence

Ghost of Prince Edward Ghost of King Henry VI Ghost oF Lady Anne Ghost oF Duke of Buckingham 

Ghosts of Two Princes Lord Stanley: Earl of Derby 

Earl oF Richmond: Henry Tudor, later King Henry VII 

Scene 1. (act i, Scene i.)

Richard 

Now is the winter of our discontent 

Made glorious summer by this son of York, 

Grim-visaged war hath smoothed his wrinkled front; He capers nimbly in a lady’s chamber To the lascivious pleasing of a lute. 

But I, that am not shaped for sportive tricks, 

I, that am rudely stamped by dissembling nature, 

Deformed, unfinished, sent before my time 

Into this breathing world scarce half made up, 

And that so lamely and unfashionable

That dogs bark at me as I halt by them— 

And therefore, since I cannot prove a lover I am determinèd to prove a villain. 

Plots have I laid, inductions dangerous, 

By drunken prophecies, libels, and dreams, To set my brother Clarence and the King 

      In deadly hate, the one against the other. 

Dive, thoughts, down to my soul. 

Here Clarence comes.

Clarence

I 

Brother, good day. What means this armèd guard That waits upon your Grace? His Majesty, 

Tend’ring my person’s safety, hath appointed this conduct to convey me to the Tower.

Richard

Why, this it is when men are ruled by women. ’Tis not the King that sends you to the Tower. My Lady Grey his wife, Clarence, ’tis she That tempers him to this extremity.  We are not safe, Clarence; we are not safe. Brother, farewell. I will unto the King, Meantime, this disgrace in brotherhood Touches me deeper than you can imagine.

Clarence

I know it pleaseth neither of us well.

Richard

Well, your imprisonment shall not be long. 

I will deliver you or else lie for you. Meantime, have patience.

Richard

 Go tread the path that thou shalt ne’er return. Simple, plain Clarence, I do love thee so 

That I will shortly send thy soul to heaven, 

Clarence hath not another day to live; 

Which done, God take King Edward to His mercy, And leave the world for me to bustle in. For then I’ll marry Warwick’s youngest daughter. 

What though I killed her husband and her father? 

Scene 2. (act i, scene ii.)

Anne

Poor key-cold figure of a holy king, 

Thou bloodless remnant of that royal blood, 

O, cursèd be the hand that made these holes; Cursèd the heart that had the heart to do it; If ever he have wife, let her be made More miserable by the death of him.

Avaunt, thou dreadful minister of hell. 

Thou hadst but power over his mortal body; His soul thou canst not have. Therefore begone.

Richard

Sweet saint, for charity, be not so curst.

Anne

Behold this pattern of thy butcheries.  O, see, see dead Henry’s wounds ! 

Open their congealed mouths and bleed afresh!— Blush, blush, thou lump of foul deformity, 

For ’tis thy presence that exhales this blood 

From cold and empty veins where no blood dwells. 

Thy deeds, inhuman and unnatural, 

Provokes this deluge most unnatural.—

Richard

Divine perfection of a woman, I did not kill your husband.

Anne

Why then, he is alive.

Richard

Nay, he is dead, and slain by Edward’s hands. 

Anne

In thy foul throat thou liest. Queen Margaret saw Thy murd’rous falchion smoking in his blood.

Richard

I was provokèd by her sland’rous tongue. 

Anne Thou wast provokèd by thy bloody mind, That never dream’st on aught but butcheries. Didst thou not kill this king?

Richard

 I grant you.

Anne

Dost grant me, hedgehog? 

O, he was gentle, mild, and virtuous.

Richard

The better for the King of heaven that hath him. Anne He is in heaven, where thou shalt never come. And thou unfit for any place but hell.

Richard

Yes, one place else, if you will hear me name it.

Anne

Some dungeon.

 Richard

Your bedchamber. 

Your beauty was the cause of that effect— Your beauty, that did haunt me in my sleep To undertake the death of all the world, 

So I might live one hour in your sweet bosom.

Anne

Black night o’ershade thy day, and death thy life. It is  a quarrel just and reasonable 

To be revenged on him that killed my husband.

Richard

He that bereft thee, lady, of thy husband Did it to help thee to a better husband.

Anne

Where is he?

Richard

Here.

Anne spits at Richard..

Why dost thou spit at me? 

Anne Would it were mortal poison for thy sake. Out of my sight! 

Thou dost infect mine eyes.

 

Richard

Thine eyes, sweet lady, have infected mine. 

Thy beauty hath, and made them blind with weeping. 

Lo, here I lend thee this sharp-pointed sword, And humbly beg the death upon my knee. 

Anne

Arise, dissembler. Though I wish thy death, I will not be thy executioner.

Richard

Then bid me kill myself, and I will do it.

Vouchsafe to wear this ring.

Anne

To take is not to give.

. Richard

Look how my ring encompasseth thy finger; Even so thy breast encloseth my poor heart. 

And if thy poor devoted servant may But beg one favor at thy gracious hand, 

Thou dost confirm his happiness forever.

Anne

 What is it?

Richard

After I have solemnly interred And wet his grave with my repentant tears, I will with all expedient duty see you. 

Grant me this boon.

Anne

With all my heart, and much it joys me too To see you are become so penitent.— Farewell.

Richard

Was ever woman in this humor wooed?

Was ever woman in this humor won? 

I’ll have her, but I will not keep her long. 

What, I that killed her husband and his father, And I no friends to back my suit at all But the plain devil and dissembling looks? 

Ha! 

Shine out, fair sun, till I have bought a glass, That I may see my shadow as I pass.

Scene 3. (act i, Scene iii.)

 Richard

They do me wrong, and I will not endure it! Who is it that complains unto the King That I, forsooth, am stern and love them not? I must be held a rancorous enemy.

Queen Elizabeth Come, come, we know your meaning, brother Gloucester. 

You envy my advancement, and my friends’.

Richard Our brother is imprisoned by your means, Myself disgraced, and the nobility Held in contempt.

Queen Elizabeth 

I never did incense his Majesty Against the Duke of Clarence. 

My lord, you do me shameful injury Falsely to draw me in these vile suspects. 

Small joy have I in being England’s queen.

Queen Margaret 

Thy honor, state, and seat is due to me.

. Richard

’Tis time to speak, my pains are quite forgot.

Queen Margaret) Out, devil! Thou killed’st my husband Henry 

in  

 the Tower, 

And Edward, my poor son, at Tewkesbury. 

A murd’rous villain, and so still thou art.

Richard

Foul, wrinkled witch, what mak’st thou in my sight? 

Wert thou not banishèd on pain of death?

Queen Margaret 

I was, but I do find more pain in banishment Than death can yield me here by my abode. 

A husband and a son thou ow’st to me; 

And thou a kingdom;— all of you, allegiance. This sorrow that I have by right is yours, 

And all the pleasures you usurp are mine. 

Can curses pierce the clouds and enter heaven? 

Why then, give way, dull clouds, to my quick curses! Edward thy son, that now is 

Prince of Wales, 

For Edward our son, that was Prince of Wales, Die in his youth by like untimely violence. Thyself a queen, for me that was a queen, 

Outlive thy glory, like my wretched self. 

Long mayst thou live to wail thy children’s death And see another, as I see thee now, 

Decked in thy rights, as thou art stalled in mine. 

Long die thy happy days before thy death, 

And, after many lengthened hours of grief, 

Die neither mother, wife, nor England’s queen.—

Queen Elizabeth.

Have done thy charm, thou hateful, withered hag.

Queen Margaret 

And leave out thee? Stay, dog, for thou shalt hear me.

No sleep close up that deadly eye of thine, Unless it be while some tormenting dream Affrights thee with a hell of ugly devils. 

Thou elvish-marked, abortive, rooting hog, 

The slave of nature and the son of hell, 

Thou slander of thy heavy mother’s womb, 

Thou loathèd issue of thy father’s loins, 

 Poor painted queen, vain flourish of my fortune, Why strew’st thou sugar on that bottled spider, Whose deadly web ensnareth thee about? 

Fool, fool, thou whet’st a knife to kill thyself. The day will come that thou shalt wish for me To help thee curse this poisonous bunch-backed toad. 

O Buckingham, take heed of yonder dog! 

Look when he fawns, Beware   of him. 

Sin, death, and hell have set their marks on him

 

Richard

What doth she say, my lord of Buckingham?

Buckingham

Nothing that I respect, my gracious lord.

Queen Margaret

What, dost thou scorn me for my gentle counsel, And soothe the devil that I warn thee from? 

O, but remember this another day,

When he shall split thy very heart with sorrow.

Buckingham

My hair doth stand an end to hear her curses.

Richard

The secret mischiefs that I set abroach 

I lay unto the grievous charge of others. 

And thus I clothe my naked villainy 

With odd old ends stol’n forth of Holy Writ, And seem a saint when most I play the devil

Scene 4. (act iV, Scene ii.)

Narrator 

We are now in Act 4. A lot has happened since Act 

1. Richard has caused the murder of his brother 

Clarence. (Note to Richard: nobody likes a bully.) Somehow, Richard manages to become king. But he is not happy yet! So he asks his ally Buckingham to murder Elizabeth’s sons, the two young princes. Richard is on a roll!

Richard

Cousin of Buckingham.

Buckingham

My gracious sovereign.

Richard

Give me thy hand.

Ah, Buckingham, now do I play the touch, To try if thou be current gold indeed: 

Young Edward lives; think now what I would speak.

Buckingham

 Say on, my loving lord.

Richard

Why, Buckingham, I say I would be king.

Buckingham

Why so you are, my thrice-renownèd lord.

Richard

Ha! Am I king? ’Tis so—but Edward lives.

Buckingham

True, noble prince.

Richard

Shall I be plain? I wish the bastards dead, And I would have it suddenly performed.

Buckingham Give me some little breath, some pause, dear lord, Before I positively speak in this.

Richard

High-reaching Buckingham grows circumspect.— No more shall he be the neighbor to my counsels.

Tyrrel

James Tyrrel, and your most obedient subject.

Richard

Dar’st thou resolve to kill a friend of mine?

 

Tyrrel

Please you. But I had rather kill two enemies.

Richard

Why then, thou hast it. Two deep enemies, Tyrrel, I mean those bastards in the Tower..

Tyrrel

I will dispatch it straight.

Buckingham

My lord, I claim the gift, my due by promise, For which your honor and your faith is pawned— Th’ earldom of Hereford 

Which you have promisèd I shall possess.

I am not in the giving vein today.

Buckingham

And is it thus? Repays he my deep service 

With such contempt? Made I him king for this? O, let me be gone while my fearful head is on!

Scene 5. (act iV, Scene iV.)

Queen Margaret

So now prosperity begins to mellow And drop into the rotten mouth of death. Here in these confines slyly have I lurked To watch the waning of mine enemies. Who 

comes here?

Queen Elizabeth 

Ah, my poor princes! Ah, my tender babes, Hover about me with your airy wings And hear your mother’s lamentation.

Duchess

So many miseries have crazed my voice That my woe-wearied tongue is still and mute.

Queen Margaret 

I had an Edward till a Richard killed him;

I had a husband till a Richard killed him. Thou hadst an 

Edward till a Richard killed him; Thou hadst a Richard till a Richard killed him. From forth the kennel of thy womb hath crept A hellhound that doth hunt us all to death—

Duchess

That foul defacer of God’s handiwork 

Thy womb let loose to chase us to our graves. Earth gapes, hell burns,fiends roar, To have him suddenly conveyed from hence. 

Cancel his bond of life, dear God I pray, That I may live and say “The dog is dead”.

 Queen Elizabeth

 Thou didst usurp my place, and dost thou not Usurp the just proportion of my sorrow? Now thy proud neck bears half my burdened yoke, From which even here I slip my weary head And leave the burden of it all on thee. 

Farewell, York’s wife, and queen of sad mischance. 

These English woes shall make me smile in France.

Richard

Who intercepts me in my expedition?

Queen Elizabeth)

Tell me, thou villain-slave, where are my children?

Duchess

Art thou my son?

Richard

Madam, I have a touch of your condition, That cannot brook the accent of reproof.

Duchess

Thou cam’st on Earth to make the Earth my hell. A grievous burden was thy birth to me; 

Therefore take with thee my most grievous curse,) 

The little souls of Edward’s children. 

Bloody thou art; bloody will be thy end. 

Shame serves thy life and doth thy death attend.

Richard

Stay, madam. I must talk a word with you. You have a daughter called Elizabeth, I love thy daughter. And do intend to make her Queen of England.

Queen Elizabeth

How canst thou woo her?

That would I learn of you.

Queen Elizabeth 

Shall I be tempted of the devil thus?

Richard

Ay, if the devil tempt you to do good. 

Queen Elizabeth 

Yet thou didst kill my children.

Richard

But in your daughter’s womb I bury them, 

Where, in that nest of spicery, they will breed Selves of themselves, to your recomforture.

Queen Elizabeth (comforted and hypnotized by this idea) Shall I go win my daughter to thy will?

Richard

And be a happy mother by the deed.

Queen Elizabeth I go.

Richard

Relenting fool and shallow, changing woman!

Scene 6. (act V, Scene iii.)

Narrator

Guess what happened to Richard’s only real ally Buckingham for refusing to kill the two young princes? You guessed it: Execution! Meanwhile, Richmond and his army are preparing to march against Richard. Richard tries to get some rest in his tent, but the pesky ghosts of people he has killed interrupt his beauty sleep. Sorry, Richard. Payback is a bitch.

. Richard

Up with my tent!—Here will I lie tonight. But where tomorrow?

.

Ghost of Edward

 Let me sit heavy on thy soul tomorrow. Think how thou stabbed’st me in my prime of youth Despair therefore, and die! 

 Despair therefore, and die!

Ghost of Henry VI

When I was mortal, my anointed body By thee was punchèd full of deadly holes. 

Think on the Tower and me. Despair and die!  Despair and die!

Ghost of Anne  

Richard, thy wife, that wretched Anne thy wife, That never slept a quiet hour with thee, Now fills thy sleep with perturbations. Tomorrow, in the battle, think on me, And fall thy edgeless sword. Despair and die! 

Despair and die!

Ghost of Buckingham

The first was I that helped thee to the crown; The last was I that felt thy tyranny. O, in the battle think on Buckingham, And die in terror of thy guiltiness. 

               And die in terror of thy       guiltiness!

Ghosts of Princes (to Richard)

Dream on thy cousins smothered in the Tower. Let us be lead within thy bosom, Richard, 

And weigh thee down to ruin, shame, and death. 

Thy nephews’ souls bid thee despair and die. Despair and

                  Die!

 Richard  

Give me another horse! Bind up my wounds! Have mercy, Jesu!— Soft, I did but dream. 

O coward conscience, how dost thou afflict me! What do I fear? Myself? There’s none else by. 

My conscience hath a thousand several tongues, And every tongue brings in a several tale, 

And every tale condemns me for a villain. I shall despair. There is no creature loves me, And if I die no soul will pity me.

Scene 7 (act V, Scenes 4 and 5)

Richard

A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!

[Richmond takes his sword and, in slow motion, stab the terrified Richard and kills him].

 Richmond 

God and your arms be praised, victorious friends! 

The day is ours; the bloody dog is dead. 

“The bloody dog is dead!”

Stanley

Courageous Richmond 

Wear it, enjoy it, and make much of it. 

 

Richmond

England hath long been mad and scarred herself: 

The brother blindly shed the brother’s blood; The father rashly slaughtered his own son; The son, compelled, been butcher to the sire.

O, now let Richmond and Elizabeth, 

The true succeeders of each royal house, 

By God’s fair ordinance conjoin together, 

All

Now civil wounds are stopped, peace lives again. That she may long live here, God say amen. 

ALL hold hands and take a bow!

*** 

FREE PDF of Richard III: The 30-Minute Shakespeare to all participants.

 Be there!  Or be absent at your own peril!

Let's Make a Scene: A Midsummer Night's Dream Tuesday July 8th 2025 7:30 to 8:30 PM EST

Greetings from The 30-Minute Shakespeare!

 It's time for our monthly Let's Make a Scene!

Tuesday, July 8, 2025, 7:30 to 8:30 PM EST.

 Happy Summer, Folks! It's time for our monthly fun Zoom Shakespeare spectacular. We engage in a dramatic round-robin reading of "A Midsummer Night's Dream: The 30-Minute Shakespeare"!

 You get to play a sprite, a fairy queen, and ass (typecasting?) a confused-by-magic-potion lover, and more, all from your own home, transported with your fellow readers to a hysterical and magical world.

 Free, silly, no experience necessary!

 Here is a PDF of the script:

Click the blue link to download

Here is the script in Word format:

Click blue link to download

(Click the blue link to download)

 Here is the Zoom link:

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85710837675?pwd=ijhSD3bf8SG1CgsiEen45J82BHNeTq.1

Here is the Facebook event link:

https://www.facebook.com/share/19g44U4Tjp/

 All participants will receive a FREE emailed PDF of A Midsummer Night's Dream: The 30-Minute Shakespeare

 Play on!

**


Here is the script, pasted:

A Midsummer Night’s Dream: The 30-Minute Shakespeare

 

SCENE 1 (ACT III, SCENE II).

 

NARRATOR  

In the woods outside of Athens, Oberon, the king of the fairies, and Puck, a hobgoblin in Oberon’s service are wreaking havoc on the love lives of our characters by anointing their eyes with love juice, sometimes with unexpected consequences!

OBERON
I wonder if Titania be awaked;
Then, what it was that next came in her eye,
Which she must dote on in extremity.-
Here comes my messenger.
            [Enter PUCK]
How now, mad spirit!
What night-rule now about this haunted grove?

 

PUCK

My mistress with a monster is in love. 
A crew of patches, rude mechanicals,
Were met together to rehearse a play,
The shallowest thickskin of that barren sort,
An ass’s nole I fixed on his head:
So, at his sight, away his fellows fly;
When in that moment,—so it came to pass,—
Titania waked, and straightway loved an ass.

 

OBERON

This falls out better than I could devise.
But hast thou yet latch’d the Athenian’s eyes
With the love-juice, as I did bid thee do?

 

PUCK
I took him sleeping,—that is finish’d too,—
And the Athenian woman by his side;
That, when he waked, of force she must be eyed.

 

[Enter HERMIA and DEMETRIUS]. 

 

OBERON

Stand close: this is the same Athenian. 

 

PUCK

This is the woman, but not this the man.

 

DEMETRIUS
O, why rebuke you him that loves you so?

 

HERMIA
For thou, I fear, hast given me cause to curse.
If thou hast slain Lysander in his sleep,
See me no more, whether he be dead or no.

 

DEMETRIUS
There is no following her in this fierce vein:
Here therefore for a while I will remain.
            

OBERON
What hast thou done? thou hast mistaken quite,
And laid the love-juice on some true-love’s sight:
About the wood go swifter than the wind,
And Helena of Athens look thou find:
By some illusion see thou bring her here:
I’ll charm his eyes against she do appear.

 

PUCK
I go, I go; look how I go,
Swifter than arrow from the Tartar’s bow.

 

OBERON Flower of this purple dye,
Hit with Cupid’s archery,

            Sink in apple of his eye!
When his love he doth espy,
Let her shine as gloriously
As the Venus of the sky. 

 

PUCK 
Captain of our fairy band,
Helena is here at hand;
And the youth, mistook by me,
Pleading for a lover’s fee.
Shall we their fond pageant see?
Lord, what fools these mortals be!

LYSANDER
Why should you think that I should woo in scorn?
Scorn and derision never come in tears:
Look, when I vow, I weep.

 

HELENA
You do advance your cunning more and more.
When truth kills truth, O devilish-holy fray!
These vows are Hermia’s: will you give her o’er?

 

LYSANDER
I had no judgment when to her I swore.
Demetrius loves her, and he loves not you.

 

DEMETRIUS [awaking;]
O Helen, goddess, nymph, perfect, divine!
Thy lips, those kissing cherries, tempting grow!
O, let me kiss
This princess of pure white, this seal of bliss! 
            

HELENA

O spite! O hell! I see you all are bent
To set against me for your merriment:
You both are rivals, and love Hermia;
And now both rivals, to mock Helena. 
            

LYSANDER
You are unkind, Demetrius; be not so;
For you love Hermia;- this you know I know:

 

DEMETRIUS
Lysander, keep thy Hermia; I will none:
If e’er I lov’d her, all that love is gone.

 

DEMETRIUS [to Lysander]
Look, where thy love comes; yonder is thy dear.

 

HERMIA
Lysander, found; 
Mine ear, I thank it, brought me to thy sound.
But why unkindly didst thou leave me so?

 

LYSANDER
Why should he stay, whom love doth press to go?

 

HERMIA 
What love could press Lysander from my side?

 

LYSANDER 
Lysander’s love, that would not let him bide,- 
Fair Helena; who more engilds the night
Than all yon fiery O’s and eyes of light.
[to Hermia] Why seek’st thou me? could not this make thee know,
The hate I bear thee made me leave thee so?

 

HERMIA 
You speak not as you think: it cannot be.

 

HELENA
Lo, she is one of this confederacy!
Now I perceive they have conjoin’d all three
To fashion this false sport in spite of me.
Injurious Hermia! most ungrateful maid!
Have you conspired, have you with these contrived
To bait me with this foul derision?

 

HERMIA 

I am amazed at your passionate words.
I scorn you not: it seems that you scorn me.

 

HELENA
Have you not set Lysander, as in scorn,
To follow me, and praise my eyes and face?
And made your other love, Demetrius—
Who even but now did spurn me with his foot—
To call me goddess, nymph, divine, and rare.

 

LYSANDER
Stay, gentle Helena; hear my excuse:
My love, my life, my soul, fair Helena!

 

HELENA
O excellent!

 

HERMIA [to Lysander]
Sweet, do not scorn her so.

 

LYSANDER)
Helen, I love thee; by my life, I do. 

 

DEMETRIUS 

I say I love thee more than he can do.

 

LYSANDER 
If thou say so, withdraw, and prove it too.   

.

DEMETRIUS
Quick, come!

 

HERMIA
Lysander, whereto tends all this? 

 

LYSANDER [to Hermia]
Hang off, thou cat, thou burr! vile thing, let loose,
Or I will shake thee from me like a serpent! 

 

HERMIA
Am not I Hermia? are not you Lysander?
I am as fair now as I was erewhile.
Since night you loved me; yet since night you left me:

 

LYSANDER
Ay, by my life;
And never did desire to see thee more.
Be certain, nothing truer; ‘tis no jest
That I do hate thee, and love Helena.

 

HERMIA [to Helena]
O me!— you juggler! you canker-blossom!
You thief of love! what, have you come by night
And stol’n my love’s heart from him?

 

HELENA 
Fie, fie! you counterfeit, you puppet, you!

 

HERMIA
Puppet! why, so; ay, that way goes the game.
Now I perceive that she hath made compare
Between our statures; she hath urged her height;
And are you grown so high in his esteem,
Because I am so dwarfish and so low?
How low am I, thou painted maypole? Speak;
How low am I? I am not yet so low
But that my nails can reach unto thine eyes. 

 

HELENA

 I pray you, though you mock me, gentlemen,
Let her not hurt me: 
You perhaps may think,
Because she is something lower than myself,
That I can match her.

 

HERMIA
Lower! hark, again.

 

HELENA
O, when she’s angry, she is keen and shrewd!
And though she be but little, she is fierce.

 

HERMIA

Little again! Let me come to her. 
            

LYSANDER

Get you gone, you dwarf;
You minimus, of hind’ring knot-grass made;
You bead, you acorn.

 

LYSANDER [to Demetrius]
Now follow, if thou darest, to try whose right,
Of thine or mine, is most in Helena.

 

DEMETRIUS
Follow! nay, I’ll go with thee, cheek by jowl.

 

HELENA
Your hands than mine are quicker for a fray;
My legs are longer though, to run away. 

 

HERMIA
I am amazed, and know not what to say.

 

OBERON
This is thy negligence. 

 

PUCK
Believe me, king of shadows, I mistook.

 

OBERON
Thou see’st these lovers seek a place to fight:
Hie therefore, Robin, overcast the night;
Then crush this herb into Lysander’s eye;
And make his eyeballs roll with wonted sight.
When they next wake, all this derision
Shall seem a dream and fruitless vision.

 

PUCK 
Up and down, up and down,
I will lead them up and down:
Here comes one

LYSANDER
Where art thou, proud Demetrius? speak thou now.

 

PUCK [imitating Demetrius]
Here, villain; drawn and ready. 
Follow me, then,
To plainer ground.

 

LYSANDER 
When I come where he calls,
then he is gone 

[yawns] 

Here will I rest me. 

DEMETRIUS [not seeing Lysander]
Lysander! speak again:
Thou runaway, thou coward, art thou fled?

 

PUCK
Ho, ho, ho! Coward, why comest thou not? 

 

DEMETRIUS
Thou runn’st before me, shifting every place.
Faintness constraineth me
To measure out my length on this cold bed. 
            

HELENA
O weary night, O long and tedious night,
Sleep, that sometime shuts up sorrow’s eye,
Steal me awhile from mine own company. 
            

PUCK
Yet but three? Come one more;
Two of both kinds makes up four.
Here she comes, curst and sad:-
Cupid is a knavish lad,
Thus to make poor females mad.

 

HERMIA
Never so weary, never so in woe;
I can no further crawl, no further go;
Here will I rest me till the break of day.
            

PUCK
On the ground
Sleep sound:
I’ll apply
To your eye,
Gentle lover, remedy.


            [squeezing the herb on LYSANDER’s eyelids]

 

When thou wakest,
Thou takest
True delight
In the sight
Of thy former lady’s eye

 

SCENE 2 (ACT IV, SCENE I)

 

NARRATOR 

Through magical fairie mischief, Bottom the Weaver has been transformed into an ass, and Titania, Queen of the fairies has fallen in love with him. We are still in the woods . . .

 

TITANIA)
Come, sit thee down upon this flowery bed, 
While I thy amiable cheeks do coy,
And stick musk-roses in thy sleek smooth head,
And kiss thy fair large ears, my gentle joy.

 

BOTTOM
Where’s Peas-blossom?

 

PEAS-BLOSSOM
Ready.

 

BOTTOM
Scratch my head, Peas-blossom.
Where’s Monsieur Cobweb?

 

COBWEB
Ready.

 

BOTTOM
Monsieur Cobweb, good monsieur, get your weapons in your hand, and kill me a red-hipp’d humble-bee on the top of a thistle; and, good monsieur, bring me the honey-bag.

Where’s Monsieur Mustard-Seed?

 

MUSTARD-SEED


What’s your will?

 

BOTTOM
Nothing, good monsieur, but to help Cavalery Peas-blossom to scratch.

I must to the barber’s, monsieur; for methinks I am
marvelous hairy about the face; and I am such a
tender ass, if my hair do but tickle me, I must scratch.

 

TITANIA
What, wilt thou hear some music, my sweet love?

 

BOTTOM
I have a reasonable good ear in music: let’s have the tongs and bones. 

 

[Bottom yawns]

 

 I have an exposition of sleep come upon me.

 

TITANIA
Sleep thou, and I will wind thee in my arms.-
Fairies, be gone, and be all ways away.
O, how I love thee! how I dote on thee! 

 

 

OBERON

Welcome, good Robin. See’st thou this sweet sight?
Her dotage now I do begin to pity: I will undo
This hateful imperfection of her eyes:
And, gentle Puck, take this transformed scalp
From off the head of this Athenian swain;
That he, awaking when the other do,
May all to Athens back again repair,
And think no more of this night’s accidents,
But as the fierce vexation of a dream.
But first I will release the fairy queen.
Be as thou wast wont to be

See as thou wast wont to see:
Now, my Titania: wake you, my sweet queen.

 

TITANIA 
My Oberon! what visions have I seen!
Methought I was enamour’d of an ass.

 

OBERON 
There lies your love.

 

TITANIA)
How came these things to pass?)
O, how mine eyes do loathe his visage now! 
            

OBERON
Silence awhile.—Robin, take off this head.—
Titania, music call; and strike more dead
Than common sleep of all these five the sense.

 

TITANIA
Music, ho! music, such as charmeth sleep. 

 

PUCK
Now, when thou wakest, with thine own fool’s eyes peep. 
            

TITANIA
Come, my lord; and in our flight,
Tell me how it came this night
That I sleeping here was found
With these mortals on the ground.

 

THESEUS
We will, fair queen, up to the mountain’s top,
But, soft! what nymphs are these? 
            

EGEUS
My lord, this is my daughter here asleep
And this, Lysander; this Demetrius is;
This Helena, I wonder of their being here together.

 

THESEUS 

Wake them.

 

LYSANDER
Pardon, my lord.
            

THESEUS
I pray you all, stand up.
I know you two are rival enemies: 
How comes this gentle concord in the world,
That hatred is so far from jealousy,
To sleep by hate, and fear no enmity?

 

LYSANDER
My lord, 
I cannot truly say how I came here;
I came with Hermia hither 

EGEUS

I beg the law, the law, upon his head.

 

DEMETRIUS
But, my good lord, I wot not by what power,—
But by some power it is,—my love to Hermia,
Melted as the snow,
And all the faith, the virtue of my heart,
The object, and the pleasure of mine eye,
Is only Helena. 
            

THESEUS
Fair lovers, you are fortunately met:
Egeus, I will overbear your will;
For in the temple, by and by, with us
These couples shall eternally be knit:
Away with us to Athens! three and three,
We’ll hold a feast in great solemnity.
Come, Hippolyta.

 

DEMETRIUS

Are you sure
That we are awake? It seems to me
That yet we sleep, we dream.- 
Let’s follow him;
And, by the way, let us recount our dreams.

 

BOTTOM [awaking]
I have had a most rare vision. I have had a dream,—past the wit of man to say what dream it was: man is but an ass, if he go about to expound this dream. Methought I was (and methought I had) but man is but a patch’d fool, if he will offer to say what methought I had. I will get Peter Quince to write a ballad of this dream: it shall be called Bottom’s Dream, because it hath no bottom; and I will sing it in the latter end of a play before the duke:

 

SCENE 3 (ACT V, SCENE I)

Athens. An apartment in the palace of Theseus

 

 

NARRATOR 
To complete our festive comedy, Bottom and the
“rude mechanicals” perform the merry and tragical play of Pyramus and Thisbe for Theseus and Hippolyta and our newly married lovers. The fairies bless the three marriages and all is well. But still we wonder, has this all been a dream?

 

 

THESEUS
Here come the lovers, full of joy and mirth.
Come now; what masks, what dances shall we have,
What revels are in hand? Call Philostrate.

 

PHILOSTRATE 
Here, mighty Theseus.

 

THESEUS
Say, what abridgement have you for this evening?
What mask? what music?

 

PHILOSTRATE
Make choice of which your highness will see first.

 

THESEUS [reading]
“The battle with the Centaurs, to be sung
By an Athenian eunuch to the harp.”
We’ll none of that: 
That is an old device; 
 “A tedious brief scene of young Pyramus
And his love Thisbe; very tragical mirth.”
Merry and tragical! tedious and brief!
That is, hot ice and wondrous strange snow.
How shall we find the concord of this discord?

 

PHILOSTRATE
A play there is, my lord, some ten words long,
But by ten words, my lord, it is too long,
There is not one word apt, one player fitted:

 

THESEUS
What are they that do play it?

 

PHILOSTRATE
Hard-handed men, that work in Athens here,
Which never labour’d in their minds till now;

 

THESEUS
And we will hear it.

 

PHILOSTRATE
No, my noble lord;
It is not for you: I have heard it over,
And it is nothing, nothing in the world;

 

THESEUS
I will hear that play;
For never any thing can be amiss,
When simpleness and duty tender it.
Go, bring them in:-and take your places, ladies.

 

PHILOSTRATE
So please your grace, the Prologue is address’d.

 

THESEUS
Let him approach. 

.

PROLOGUE
If we offend, it is with our good will.
That is the true beginning of our end.
The actors are at hand; and, by their show,
You shall know all that you are like to know.
            

THESEUS
This fellow doth not stand upon points.

 

LYSANDER
He hath rid his prologue like a rough colt;

 

HIPPOLYTA
Indeed he hath play’d on his prologue like a child 
on a recorder.

 

THESEUS
Who is next?

 

PROLOGUE
Gentles, perchance you wonder at this show;
But wonder on, till truth make all things plain.

 

WALL 
In this same interlude it doth befall
That I, one Snout by name, present a wall;
And such a wall, as I would have you think,
That had in it a crannied hole or chink,
Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisbe,
Did whisper often very secretly.

 

THESEUS
Pyramus draws near the wall: silence!

 

PYRAMUS
O grim-look’d night! O night with hue so black!
O night, which ever art when day is not!
I fear my Thisbe’s promise is forgot!—
And thou, O wall, O sweet, O lovely wall,
That stand’st between her father’s ground and mine!
Show me thy chink, to blink through with mine eyne!.
Thanks, courteous wall: Jove shield thee well for this!
But what see I? No Thisbe do I see.
O wicked wall, through whom I see no bliss!
            

THISBE
O wall, full often hast thou heard my moans,
My cherry lips have often kiss’d thy stones. 

 

PYRAMUS
I see a voice: now will I to the chink,
To spy an I can hear my Thisbe’s face.—
Thisbe!

 

THISBE
My love! thou art my love, I think.

 

PYRAMUS
O, kiss me through the hole of this vile wall!

 

THISBE
I kiss the wall’s hole, not your lips at all. 

 

PYRAMUS
Wilt thou at Ninny’s tomb meet me straightway?

 

QUINCE [exasperated] Ninus’ Tomb!

 

THISBE
‘Tide life, ‘tide death, I come without delay.

 

WALL
Thus have I, wall, my part discharged so;
And, being done, thus wall away doth go.

 

HIPPOLYTA
This is the silliest stuff that e’er I heard.

 

THESEUS
Here come two noble beasts in, a moon and a lion.

.

LION
You, ladies may now perchance both quake 
and tremble here,
When lion rough in wildest rage doth roar.
Then know that I one 
Snug the joiner am,

 

THESEUS
A very gentle beast, and of a good conscience.
Let us listen to the moon.

 

MOONSHINE
This lantern doth the horned moon present;
Myself the man-i’-th’-moon do seem to be.

 

HIPPOLYTA 
I am aweary of this moon. Would he would change.

 

LYSANDER
Proceed, moon.

 

MOONSHINE
All that I have to say is, to tell you that the lantern 
is the moon; I, the man-i’-th’-moon; this thorn-bush, my thorn-bush; and this dog, my dog.

 

DEMETRIUS
Here comes Thisbe.

 

THISBE
This is old Ninny’s tomb. 

 

QUINCE 

Ninus’ tomb, man!

 

THISBE
This is old Ninnies’ tomb!. Where is my love?

 

QUINCE, “Aarrrgh!” 

 

LION
O—

DEMETRIUS
Well roar’d, lion.

 

THESEUS
Well run, Thisbe.

 

HIPPOLYTA
Well shone, moon.

 

THESEUS
Well moused, lion.

 

DEMETRIUS
And then came Pyramus.

 

PYRAMUS
Sweet moon, I thank thee for thy sunny beams;
But mark, poor knight,
What dreadful dole is here!
Eyes, do you see?
How can it be?
O dainty duck! O dear!
Thy mantle good,
What, stain’d with blood?
Come, tears, confound;
Out, sword, and wound
The pap of Pyramus,—
Ay, that left pap,
Where heart doth hop: [stabs himself]
Thus die I, thus, thus.

Now am I dead,
Now am I fled;
My soul is in the sky:
Tongue, lose thy light;
Moon, take thy flight:.
Now die, die, die, die, die. (dies)

 

THESEUS
With the help of a surgeon he might yet recover, 
and yet prove an ass.

 

THISBE

Asleep, my love?
What, dead my dove?
O Pyramus, arise!
Speak, speak. Quite dumb?
Dead, dead? A tomb
Must cover thy sweet eyes.
His eyes were green as leeks.
Come, trusty sword;
Come, blade, my breast imbrue [stabs herself]
And, farewell, friends,—
Thus Thisbe ends,-
Adieu, adieu, adieu.  dies]

 

BOTTOM 
Will it please you to see the epilogue, or to hear a Bergomask dance between two of our company?

 

THESEUS
No epilogue, I pray you; for your play needs no excuse.       The iron tongue of midnight hath told twelve:
Lovers, to bed; ’tis almost fairy-time. 

 

OBERON
Now, until the break of day,
Through this house each fairy stray.
So shall all the couples three
Ever true in loving be; 


PUCK


If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,-
That you have but slumber’d here,
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,

PUCK
And Robin shall restore amends!

 

ALL REPEAT


And Robin shall restore amends!


All raise arms holding hands, and bow!

 

Let's Make a Scene Henry IV Part I! Tuesday June 3rd, 2025 7:30 to 8:30 PM EST Script and links

Greetings thespians, and yes that is what thou art!


Here is Script for Let's Make a Scene Henry IV Part I: The 30-Minute Shakespeare:


This is the Doc: (Click blue link to download).  You can print it out or read it on a tablet.

We will read the script round-robin, so you get to be many characters and play many roles, just like in real life!


Here is is in PDF format:


I will paste script as a text below.

Here is the Zoom link for the event


https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81394890689?pwd=ba8nVQY0gcgDhIz9HkvRbyaQYp2FmM.1


Enjoy and see you on the virtual stage!


Nick



Script text pasted:

CHARACTERS IN THE PLAY

The following is a list of the characters that appear in this cutting of Henry IV, Part 1.

Twenty-five actors performed in the original production. This number can be increased to about thirty or decreased to abouttwelve by having actors share or double roles.

For the full breakdown of characters, see Sample Program.

FALSTAFF: Sir John Falstaff, a debauched and witty aristocrat

PRINCE HENRY: Also called Harry or Hal; oldest son to King Henry IV

POINS: Companion to Falstaff; gentleman-in-waiting to Prince Henry

GADSHILL: Companion to Falstaff BARDOLPH: Companion to Falstaff PETO: Companion to Falstaff TRAVELER ONE

TRAVELER TWO

HOSTESS: Mistress Quickly, hostess of the Boar’s Head Tavern in Eastcheap

MORTIMER: Edmund Mortimer, Earl of March; brother to Lady Percy, husband to Lady Mortimer

GLENDOWER: Owen Glendower, a Welsh rebel; father to Lady Mortimer

HOTSPUR: Henry Percy, nicknamed Hotspur; son to Earl of Northumberland

LADY MORTIMER: Daughter to Glendower, wife to Mortimer


 

CHARACTERS IN THE PLAY ✴ IX

 

 

 

 

 

 

LADY PERCY: Wife to Hotspur, sister to Mortimer

KING HENRY IV: Father to Prince Henry; formerly Henry of Bollingbroke

EARL OF DOUGLAS: Archibald, Earl of Douglas; a Scottish noble

LANCASTER: Prince John of Lancaster, also called the Duke of Lancaster; third son to King Henry IV

 

From King Henry IV, Part 2 (final scene in this cutting):

PISTOL: An irregular humorist; Falstaff ’s henchman SHALLOW: Robert Shallow, a country justice of the peace KINGHENRY V: Formerly Prince Henry; newly crowned king LORD CHIEF-JUSTICE: Attendant to King Henry V; nemesis

of Falstaff

ATTENDANT

 

 

NARRATOR


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

✴ SCENE 1. (ACT I, SCENE II)

Eastcheap. The Boar’s-Head Tavern.

SOUND OPERATOR plays Sound Cue #1 (“Merry tavern music”). STAGEHANDS move bench to center stage, downstage of pillars. Enter NARRATOR from stage right, coming downstage center.

NARRATOR

Young Prince Henry—called “Harry” or “Hal” by his friends—carouses in the tavern in Eastcheap with the fat knight Jack Falstaff and other friends, including Poins, Hal’s gentleman-in-waiting. Hal and Poins devise a plan torob Falstaff and company of their stolen money, just for fun and mockery.

Enter FALSTAFF from stage right.

FALSTAFF lies down on bench on his back, falls asleep, and starts snoring loudly. PRINCE HENRY enters, looks at FALSTAFF amusedly, and tickles the sleeping man’s nose with his hat.

FALSTAFF sputters and wakes up, a bit disoriented.

 


FALSTAFF


Now, Hal, what time of day is it, lad?


 

PRINCE HENRY (slaps FALSTAFF on the belly with his hat; moves behind him)

Thou art so fat-witted, with drinking of old sack that thou hast forgotten todemand that truly which thou


 

HENRY IV, PART 1 ✴ 3

 

wouldst truly know. What a devil hast thou to do with the time of the day; unless hourswere cups of sack and minutes capons?

FALSTAFF roll up to a sitting position, stands, and moves a few steps stage left. PRINCE HENRY lies down on bench on his side, facing FALSTAFF.

 

FALSTAFF

Marry, then, sweet wag, when thou art king, let not us that are squires of the night’s bodybe called

thieves of the day’s beauty: let us be Diana’s foresters, gentlemen of the shade, minions of the moon.

 

FALSTAFF moons PRINCE HENRY.

 

PRINCE HENRY (covers his face in fright)

Thou sayest well, and it holds well too; for the fortune of us that are the moon’s men dothebb and flow like the sea, being governed, as the sea is, by the moon.

 

FALSTAFF (joins PRINCE HENRY on bench; slaps him on the back) Thou hast the most unsavory similes and artindeed the most comparative, rascalliest, sweet young prince, and art indeed able to corrupt a saint. Thou hast done much harm upon me, Hal; God forgive thee for it!

 

PRINCE HENRY

Where shall we take a purse tomorrow, Jack?

 


FALSTAFF


’Zounds, where thou wilt, lad.


 

Enter POINS from stage right.

Poins!


 

4 ✴ HENRY IV, PART 1

 

PRINCE HENRY

Good morrow, Ned!

 

POINS

Good morrow, sweet Hal. What says Monsieur Remorse?

 

POINS squeezes in between PRINCE HENRY and FALSTAFF on bench.

What says Sir John Sack and Sugar?

POINS gives FALSTAFF a friendly shove and FALSTAFF nearly falls over. POINS then puts his arms around PRINCE HENRY and FALSTAFF conspiratorially.

My lads, my lads, to-morrow morning, by four o’clock, early at Gadshill! Thereare pilgrims going to Canterbury with rich offerings, and traders riding to London with fat purses: If you will go, I will stuff your purses full of crowns; if you will not, tarry

at home and be hanged. (to FALSTAFF) Sir John, I prithee, leave the prince and me alone: I will lay him down such reasons for this adventure that he shall go.

 

FALSTAFF (stands)

Farewell; you shall find me in Eastcheap.

 

PRINCE HENRY

Farewell, thou latter spring! Farewell, All-hallown summer!

Exit FALSTAFF stage right.

 

POINS

Now, my good sweet honey lord, ride with us to- morrow: I have a jest to executethat I cannot manage alone. Falstaff, Bardolph, Peto, and Gadshill shall


 

HENRY IV, PART 1 ✴ 5

 

rob those men that we have already waylaid: yourself and I will not be there; and whenthey have the booty, if you and I do not rob them, cut this head off from my shoulders. Iknow them to be as true-bred cowards as ever turned back; the virtue of this jest will be,the incomprehensible lies that this same fat rogue will tell us when we meet at supper: how thirty, at least, he fought with; and in the reproof of this lies the jest.

 

PRINCE HENRY

Well, I’ll go with thee.

 


POINS


Farewell, my lord.


 

Exit POINS stage right.

 

PRINCE HENRY

Herein will I imitate the sun,

Who doth permit the base contagious clouds To smother up his beauty from the world, That, when he please again to be himself, Being wanted, he may be more wonder’d at,

So, when this loose behavior I throw off (stands)

And pay the debt I never promised,

By how much better than my word I am, By so much shall I falsify men’s hopes; And likebright metal on a sullen ground, My reformation, glittering o’er my fault,

Shall show more goodly and attract more eyes Than that which hath no foil to set it off.

I’ll so offend, to make offense a skill; Redeeming time when men think least I will.

Exit PRINCE HENRY stage right.

STAGEHANDS remove bench.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

✴ SCENE 2. (ACT II, SCENE II)

The highway, near Gadshill.

Enter NARRATOR from stage right, coming downstage center.

 

NARRATOR

Falstaff and his band of rogues rob the travelers, but their plan backfires.

Exit NARRATOR stage left.

Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS from stage right; they stand near stage right pillar.

 

POINS

Come, shelter, shelter: I have removed Falstaff ’s horse, and he frets like a gummed velvet.

 

PRINCE HENRY

Stand close.

Enter FALSTAFF, looking for Poins, whom he does not see.

 


FALSTAFF


Poins! Poins, and be hanged! Poins!


 

PRINCE HENRY (comes up behind FALSTAFF)

Peace, ye fat-kidneyed rascal! What a brawling dost thou keep!


 

HENRY IV, PART 1 ✴ 7

 

FALSTAFF jumps and squeals from fright; he then pretends not to have reacted that way.

 


FALSTAFF


Where’s Poins, Hal? The rascal hath removed my horse, and tied him I know not where. A plague upon it when thieves cannot be true one to another! (loudly) Give me my horse, you rogues.


 

Enter GADSHILL, PETO, and BARDOLPH from stage right, walking in a line with GADSHILL leading. They all bump into each

other and slap the person behind them with their hats. Since BARDOLPH is last, he can’tslap anybody; this frustrates him, so he slaps his bottle instead.

 


GADSHILL


Stand.


 


FALSTAFF


So I do, against my will.


 

BARDOLPH

There’s money of the king’s coming down the hill.

 

PRINCE HENRY

Sirs, you four shall front them in the narrow lane; Ned Poins and I will walk lower: if they’scape from your encounter, then they light on us.

 


PETO


How many be there of them?


 


GADSHILL


Some eight or ten.


 

8 ✴ HENRY IV, PART 1

 


FALSTAFF


’Zounds, will they not rob us?


 

PRINCE HENRY

What, a coward, Sir John Paunch?

 


FALSTAFF


Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather; but yet no coward, Hal.


 

PRINCE HENRY (whispering to POINS)

Ned, where are our disguises?

 


POINS


Here, hard by: stand close.


 

Exit PRINCE HENRY and POINS stage right.

 


FALSTAFF


Now, every man to his business.


 

Enter TRAVELERS from stage left.

 

TRAVELER ONE

Come, neighbor: the boy shall lead our horses down the hill; we’ll walk afoot awhile, and ease our legs.

 


FALSTAFF


Stand!


 

TRAVELER TWO

Jesus bless us!

 


FALSTAFF


Strike; down with them; bacon-fed knaves! Fleece them.


 

HENRY IV, PART 1 ✴ 9

 

TRAVELER TWO

O, we are undone, both we and ours for ever!

 


FALSTAFF


Ye fat chuffs: on, bacons, on!


 

FALSTAFF, GADSHILL, and PETO rob and bind TRAVELERS.

BARDOLPH mistakenly is tied up as well and led out with them; he yells muffledprotestations through the scarf tied around his mouth. Exit ALL stage left.

Re-enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS from stage right.

 

PRINCE HENRY

The thieves have bound the true men. Now could thou and I rob the thieves and go merrily to London, it would be argument for a week, laughter for a month and a good jest for ever.

 


POINS


Stand close; I hear them coming.


 

PRINCE HENRY and POINS hide behind stage left pillar.

Re-enter FALSTAFF, GADSHILL, PETO, and BARDOLPH from stage left.

 


FALSTAFF


Come, my masters, let us share.


 

PRINCE HENRY and POINS leap out from behind stage left pillars, brandishing swords.

 

PRINCE HENRY

Your money!

 


POINS


Villains!


 

10 ✴ HENRY IV, PART 1

 

FALSTAFF, GADSHILL, PETO, and BARDOLPH drop the money and run screaming, with FALSTAFF screaming theloudest. HAL and POINS laugh hysterically, nearly falling down from the effort.

 

PRINCE HENRY

Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse: Falstaff lards the lean earth ashe walks along: Were’t not for laughing, I should pity him.

 


POINS


How the rogue roar’d!


 

Exit POINS and PRINCE HENRY stage right.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

✴ SCENE 3. (ACT II, SCENE IV)

Eastcheap. The Boar’s-Head Tavern.

STAGEHANDS move table stage center, placing one stool stage right of table and one stool stage left.

Enter NARRATOR from stage right, coming downstage center.

 

NARRATOR

Prince Hal teases Falstaff about his cowardice. Falstaff and Hal take turns role-playingthe king, with revealing results.

Exit NARRATOR stage left.

Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS from stage right. PRINCE HENRY

sits in stool stage left and POINS stands behind table.

 

PRINCE HENRY

Falstaff and the rest of the thieves are at the door: shall we be merry?

 


POINS


As merry as crickets, my lad.


 

Enter FALSTAFF, GADSHILL, PETO, and BARDOLPH from stage right, carrying wine. BARDOLPH pours a small cup for PRINCE HENRY, swigs from the bottle, and then pulls a flask out of his pocket and swigs from that. He then pulls a smaller bottle from another pocket, swigs from it, and burps.

 

12 ✴ HENRY IV, PART 1

 

FALSTAFF sits on a stool and the others stand around table behind him.

 


FALSTAFF


A plague of all cowards! There be four of us here have ta’en a thousand pound this day morning.


 

PRINCE HENRY

Where is it, Jack? Where is it? (pretends to look for the money)

 


FALSTAFF


Where is it! Taken from us it is: a hundred upon poor four of us. I have ’scaped by miracle.


 

FALSTAFF stands and mimes getting stabbed eight times in the chest, then four times in the legs.

I am eight times thrust through the doublet, four through the hose; my sword hacked like a hand- saw—ecce signum! (shows his mangled sword) A plague of all cowards!

FALSTAFF toasts, drinks, then refills his cup. BARDOLPH does so as well, three times in a row,until PETO shoots him a look and grabs the bottle from him.

 

PRINCE HENRY

Why, thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool. We two saw you four set on four and bound them, and were masters of their wealth. Then did we twoset on you four; and, with a word, out-faced you from your prize, and have it;(holds up bag of money) and, Falstaff, you carried your guts away with quick dexterity, and roared for mercy. What device canst thou now find out to hide thee from this shame?


 

HENRY IV, PART 1 ✴ 13

 


POINS


Come, let’s hear, Jack; what trick hast thou now?


 

FALSTAFF (pauses; thinks)

Why, hear you, my masters: was it for me to kill the true prince? I am as valiantas Hercules, but beware instinct. I was now a coward on instinct. I am glad you have the money.

 

PRINCE HENRY (to FALSTAFF)

You fought fair; so did you, Peto; so did you, Bardolph:

GADSHILL feels left out and points to himself.

You are lions too, you ran away upon instinct, you will not touch the true prince.

 

BARDOLPH

’Faith, I ran when I saw others run. (burps)

 


FALSTAFF


Tell me, Hal, art thou not horribly afraid?


 

PRINCE HENRY

Not a whit, i’ faith; I lack some of thy (pauses)

instinct.

 


FALSTAFF


Well, thou wert be horribly chid tomorrow when thou comest to thy father: if thou love me,practice an answer.


 

PRINCE HENRY (playfully) Do thou stand for my father, and examine me upon the particulars of my life.


 

14 ✴ HENRY IV, PART 1

 


FALSTAFF


Shall I? Content: this chair shall be my state, this dagger my scepter, and this cushion my crown. (puts cushion on head) Here is my speech. Stand aside, nobility.


 


HOSTESS


O Jesu, this is excellent sport, i’ faith! O, the father, how he holds his countenance! Hedoth it as like one of these harlotry players as ever I see!


 

HOSTESS laughs until people look at her in irritation; she stops.

 

FALSTAFF (addresses PETO, then BARDOLPH)

Peace, good pint-pot; peace, good tickle-brain.

FALSTAFF composes himself, breathes deeply, and gets into character.

 


FALSTAFF


Harry, I do not only marvel where thou spendest thy time, but also the company thou keepest:


 

FALSTAFF looks at the group before him, who protest vocally.

and yet there is a virtuous man whom I have often noted in thy company, but I know not his name.

 

PRINCE HENRY

What manner of man, your majesty?

 

FALSTAFF (looks at his belly)

A goodly portly man, i’ faith, and of a cheerful look, and, as I think, his age some fifty,

HOSTESS and others interrupt by yelling, “Sixty!”

 

HENRY IV, PART 1 ✴ 15

 

or, by’r lady, inclining to three score; His name is Falstaff: Harry, I see virtue in his looks.Falstaff: him keep with, the rest banish.

 

PRINCE HENRY

Do thou stand for me, and I’ll play my father.

 


FALSTAFF


Depose me?


 

FALSTAFF and PRINCE HENRY switch places. PRINCE HENRY sits in the stool and takes the dagger and cushion fromFALSTAFF while FALSTAFF stands.

 

PRINCE HENRY

Well, here I am set.

 


FALSTAFF


And here I stand: judge, my masters.


 

PRINCE HENRY

Now, Harry, whence come you?

 

FALSTAFF (kneels)

My noble lord, from Eastcheap.

 

PRINCE HENRY

The complaints I hear of thee are grievous.

 


FALSTAFF


’Sblood, my lord, they are false.


 

PRINCE HENRY

Swearest thou, ungracious boy? Thou art violently carried away from grace: there is adevil haunts thee in the likeness of an old (pauses) fat (pauses) man.


 

16 ✴ HENRY IV, PART 1

 

(stares at FALSTAFF) Why dost thou converse with that trunk of humors,

With each insult, the crowd at the tavern responds verbally.

that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that stuffed cloak- bag of guts, with the pudding in his belly. Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and drink it? Wherein villanous, but in all things?

The cheering dies down, as it seems PRINCE HENRY is being unnecessarily mean.

Wherein worthy, but in nothing?

The cheering fades away completely. The crowd is a little uncomfortable.

 


FALSTAFF


Whom means your grace?


 

PRINCE HENRY

That villanous abominable misleader of youth, Falstaff, that old white-bearded Satan.

 

FALSTAFF (less jolly, more timid)

My lord, the man I know.

 

PRINCE HENRY

I know thou dost.

 


FALSTAFF


If to be old and merry be a sin, then many an old host that I know is damned: No, my good lord; banish Peto, banish Bardolph, banish Poins: but for sweet Jack Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, being, as he is, old Jack Falstaff, banish not


 

HENRY IV, PART 1 ✴ 17

 

him thy Harry’s company, banish plump Jack, and banish all the world.

 

PRINCE HENRY

I do, I will.

PRINCE HENRY stands and begins to leave, looking and acting more like a king than whenhe came in. Exit PRINCE HENRY stage rear as all look on.

Exit POINS, GADSHILL, and PETO stage right. HOSTESS wakes BARDOLPH, who has fallen asleep, and leads him offstage right. FALSTAFF looks out over the audience, sighs, and lumbers off stage right.

STAGEHANDS remove table.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

✴ SCENE 4. (ACT III, SCENE I)

The Archdeacon’s house.

Enter NARRATOR from stage right, coming downstage center.

 

NARRATOR

Hot-headed Harry Percy—known as Hotspur— tangles with the Welsh LordGlendower as they plan to divide up the kingdom they intend to conquer.

Exit NARRATOR stage right.

Enter HOTSPUR, MORTIMER, and GLENDOWER from stage left.

 

MORTIMER

These promises are fair, the parties sure, And our induction full ofprosperous hope.

 

HOTSPUR

Lord Mortimer, and cousin Glendower, Will you sit down?

 

GLENDOWER sits on stage right stool and MORTIMER sits in stool stage left. HOTSPUR remains standing.

A plague upon it! I have forgot the map.

 

GLENDOWER

No, here it is. (pulls out map)

Sit, cousin Percy; sit, good cousin Hotspur,

At my birth the frame and huge foundation of the earth Shaked like a coward.


 

HENRY IV, PART 1 ✴ 19

 


HOTSPUR


O, then the earth shook to see the heavens on fire, And not in fear of your nativity.


 

MORTIMER stands between PERCY and GLENDOWER and separates them with his hands.

 

MORTIMER

Peace, cousin Percy; you will make him mad.

 

GLENDOWER

Three times hath Henry Bolingbroke made head Against my power; thrice have I sent him Bootless home and weather-beaten back.

 


HOTSPUR


Home without boots, and in foul weather too!


 

GLENDOWER

Come, here’s the map: shall we divide our right According to our threefold order ta’en?

GLENDOWER sets the map on the ground. ALL examine it.

 

MORTIMER

The archdeacon hath divided it Into three limits very equally:

 

HOTSPUR (points at map with a stick)

Methinks my moiety, north from Burton here, In quantity equals not one of yours:

See how this river cuts me from the best of all my land.

It shall not wind with such a deep indent, To rob me of so rich a bottom here.


 

20 ✴ HENRY IV, PART 1

 

GLENDOWER

Not wind? It shall, it must; you see it doth.

 

HOTSPUR (stands)

Who shall say me nay?

 

GLENDOWER

Why, that will I.

GLENDOWER and HOTSPUR take a step closer to each other and stare at each other for a moment. GLENDOWER looks away first.

Come, you shall have Trent turn’d.

 


HOTSPUR.


Are the indentures drawn? Shall we be gone?


 

GLENDOWER

The moon shines fair; you may away by night.

Exit GLENDOWER stage right.

 

MORTIMER

Fie, cousin Percy! How you cross my father!

 


HOTSPUR


I cannot choose: sometime he angers me. O, he is as tedious as a railing wife.


 

MORTIMER sits HOTSPUR in the stool to calm him down.

 

MORTIMER

In faith, my lord, you are too wilful-blame.

 


HOTSPUR


Well, I am school’d: Here come our wives, and let us take our leave.


 

HENRY IV, PART 1 ✴ 21

 

Re-enter GLENDOWER with LADY MORTIMER and LADY PERCY

from stage right.

MORTIMER and PERCY gaze lovingly at their respective wives as they enter.

 

HOTSPUR

Come, Kate, thou art perfect in lying down:

come, quick, quick, that I may lay my head in thy lap.

 

LADY PERCY

Go, ye giddy goose.

LADY PERCY sits and HOTSPUR lays his head in her lap.

SOUND OPERATOR plays Sound Cue #2 (“Welsh music”).

GLENDOWER conducts the music, as if summoning it from thin air; ALL listen, enraptured.

 


HOTSPUR


Now I perceive the devil is a good musician.


 

LADY PERCY

Then should you be nothing but musical for you are altogether governed byhumors. Lie still, ye thief,

Now God help thee!

 


HOTSPUR


To the Welsh lady’s bed.


 

LADY PERCY

What’s that?


 

22 ✴ HENRY IV, PART 1

 


HOTSPUR


Peace. Come, Kate, I’ll have your song too.


 

LADY PERCY

Not mine, in good sooth.

Exit HOTSPUR and LADY PERCY stage left, giggling.

 

GLENDOWER

Come, come, Lord Mortimer; you are as slow As hot Lord Percy is on fire to go.

MORTIMER stands and helps LADY MORTIMER to her feet.

Exit MORTIMER and LADY MORTIMER stage right, arm in arm. GLENDOWER watches them leave for a few moments,then exits stage right.

STAGEHANDS remove stools, then place throne center.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

✴ SCENE 5 (ACT III, SCENE II)

London. The palace.

Enter NARRATOR from stage right, coming downstage center.

 

NARRATOR

Prince Hal reconciles with his father, King Henry IV, by swearing to fight the rebels and todefeat Hotspur.

Exit NARRATOR stage right.

Enter KING HENRY IV and PRINCE HENRY from stage left.

KING HENRY IV sits on the throne.

 

KING HENRY IV

I know not whether God will have it so, For some displeasing service I have done, But thou dost in thy passages of life

Make me believe that thou art only mark’d For the hot vengeance and the rod of heaven To punish my mistreadings. Tell me else, Could such inordinate and low desires,

Such barren pleasures, rude society,

As thou art match’d withal and grafted to, Accompany the greatness of thy blood

And hold their level with thy princely heart?

 

PRINCE HENRY

So please your majesty

Find pardon on my true submission. (kneels)


 

24 ✴ HENRY IV, PART 1

 

KING HENRY IV

God pardon thee! Yet let me wonder, Harry, At thy affections, which do hold a wing Quite from the flight of all thy ancestors.

The hope and expectation of thy time

Is ruin’d. Harry, thou has lost thy princely privilege With vile participation: not an eye

But is a-weary of thy common sight,

Save mine, which hath desired to see thee more.

 

PRINCE HENRY (touched and surprised)

I shall hereafter be more myself.

 

KING HENRY IV

For all the world

Percy now leads ancient lords and reverend bishops on To bloody battles and to bruising arms.

Thrice hath this Hotspur, Mars in swathling clothes, Discomfited great Douglas, ta’en him once,

And what say you to this? Percy, Northumberland, The Archbishop’s grace of York, Douglas, Mortimer,Capitulate against us and are up.

 

PRINCE HENRY (stands; walks slowly downstage center)

I will redeem all this on Percy’s head And in the closing of someglorious day

Be bold to tell you that (turns to KING HENRY IV)

I am your son; For the time will come,

That I shall make this northern youth exchange

His glorious deeds for my indignities. (kneels again)

This, in the name of God, I promise here: And I will die a hundredthousand deaths Ere break the smallest parcel of this vow.


 

HENRY IV, PART 1 ✴ 25

 

KING HENRY IV stands and helps PRINCE HENRY to his feet. They hold a long handshake and eye contact.

 

KING HENRY IV

A hundred thousand rebels die in this:

Thou shalt have charge and sovereign trust herein.

Exit KING HENRY IV stage right. PRINCE HENRY follows.

STAGEHANDS remove throne.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

✴ SCENE 6. (ACT V, SCENE IV)

A field between the camps.

Enter NARRATOR from stage right, coming downstage center.

 

NARRATOR

We are on the battlefield. True colors are revealed, with Hal showing braveryand loyalty, and Falstaff showing that he is, well, still a coward and a liar. (But, somehow, a loveable one!)

Exit NARRATOR stage left.

Enter KING HENRY IV and EARL OF DOUGLAS from stage right, bearing swords.

 

EARL OF DOUGLAS

Another king! They grow like Hydra’s heads: I am the Douglas, fatal to all those

That wear those colors on them: what art thou, That counterfeit’st the person of a king?

 

KING HENRY IV

The king himself; I will assay thee: so, defend thyself.

 

EARL OF DOUGLAS (examines KING HENRY IV)

I fear thou art another counterfeit;

And yet, in faith, thou bear’st thee like a king: But mine I am sure thou art, whoe’er thou be, And thus I win thee.


 

HENRY IV, PART 1 ✴ 27

 

KING HENRY IV and EARL OF DOUGLAS fight. With KING HENRY IV

in danger, PRINCE HENRY enters from stage left.

 

PRINCE HENRY

Hold up thy head, vile Scot, it is the Prince of Wales that threatens thee.

PRINCE HENRY joins the fight. KING HENRY IV is fatigued, but fights EARL OF DOUGLAS valiantly. EARL OF DOUGLAS escapes offstage right. PRINCE HENRY runs to check on his father.

 

PRINCE HENRY

Cheerly, my lord how fares your grace?

 

KING HENRY IV

Stay, and breathe awhile:

Thou hast redeem’d thy lost opinion,

And show’d thou makest some tender of my life, In this fair rescue thou hast brought to me.

 

PRINCE HENRY

O God! They did me too much injury That ever said I hearken’d for your death.

KING HENRY IV and PRINCE HENRY meet each other’s gaze for a brief emotional moment.

Exit KING HENRY IV stage left. Enter HOTSPUR from stage right.

HOTSPUR

If I mistake not, thou art Harry Monmouth. My name is Harry Percy.


 

28 ✴ HENRY IV, PART 1

 

PRINCE HENRY

I am the Prince of Wales.

 


HOTSPUR


The hour is come

To end the one of us;

I can no longer brook thy vanities.


 

PRINCE HENRY IV and HOTSPUR fight.

Enter FALSTAFF from stage left.

 


FALSTAFF


Well said, Hal! To it Hal! Nay, you shall find no boy’s play here, I can tell you.


 

Re-enter EARL OF DOUGLAS; he fights with FALSTAFF, who falls down as if he were dead.

Exit EARL OF DOUGLAS stage right.

HOTSPUR is wounded; he falls.

 

HOTSPUR

O, Harry, thou hast robb’d me of my youth! Percy, thou art dust

And food for—

 

HOTSPUR dies.

 

PRINCE HENRY

For worms, brave Percy: fare thee well, great heart!

PRINCE HENRY sees FALSTAFF on the ground.

What, old acquaintance! Could not all this flesh Keep in a little life? Poor Jack, farewell!


 


 

 

Exit PRINCE HENRY stage right.


HENRY IV, PART 1 ✴ 29


 

FALSTAFF continues to appear dead; after a few moments, he rises up suddenly.

 


FALSTAFF


The better part of valor is discretion; in the which better part I have saved my life. ’Zounds,I am afraid of this gunpowder Percy, though he be dead: how, if he should counterfeit tooand rise? Therefore, sirrah,


 

FALSTAFF stabs HOTSPUR in the thigh.

with a new wound in your thigh, come you along with me.

FALSTAFF begins to drag HOTSPUR offstage.

Enter PRINCE HENRY and LANCASTER from stage right. FALSTAFF

stops.

 

LANCASTER

But, soft! Whom have we here?

Did you not tell me this fat man was dead?

 

PRINCE HENRY

I did; I saw him dead. Art thou alive?

Or is it fantasy that plays upon our eyesight?

 

FALSTAFF

No, that’s certain; I am not a double man: (glances at his belly) but if I be notJack Falstaff, then am I a Jack. There is Percy:

 

FALSTAFF gestures to HOTSPUR’S body.


 

30 ✴ HENRY IV, PART 1

 

if your father will do me any honor, so; if not, let him kill the next Percyhimself. I look to be either earl or duke, I can assure you.

 

PRINCE HENRY

Why, Percy I killed myself and saw thee dead.

 


FALSTAFF


Didst thou? Lord, Lord, how this world is given

to lying! I grant you I was down and out of breath; and so was he: but we rose both at an instant and fought a longhour by Shrewsbury clock. I gave him this wound in the thigh: if the man were alive and would deny it, ’zounds, I would make him eat a piece of my sword.


 

LANCASTER

This is the strangest tale that ever I heard.

 

PRINCE HENRY

This is the strangest fellow, brother John.

SOUND OPERATOR plays Sound Cue #3 (“Trumpet retreat”).

The trumpet sounds retreat; the day is ours.

Exit PRINCE HENRY and LANCASTER stage right.

 


FALSTAFF


If I do grow great, I’ll grow less; for I’ll purge, and leave sack, and live cleanly as anobleman should do.


 

Exit FALSTAFF stage right, dragging HOTSPUR’S body by the legs.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

✴ SCENE 7. (FALSTAFF’S SPEECH:

ACT V, SCENE I. ADDITIONAL MATERIAL FROM HENRY IV, PART 2: ACT V, SCENE V)

Enter NARRATOR from stage right, coming downstage center.

 

NARRATOR

Time has passed, and Hal is now King Henry V. He rejects Falstaff as part of the formerlife that he now renounces.

Exit NARRATOR stage left.

Enter FALSTAFF, SHALLOW, PISTOL, and BARDOLPH from stage right. As usual, BARDOLPH bumps into the man infront of him. ALL stand in a line, side by side, watching for the royal parade.

 

FALSTAFF

Stand here by me, Master Robert Shallow; I will make the king do you grace:I will leer upon him as a’ comes by; and do but mark the countenance that he will give me.

 


PISTOL


God bless thy lungs, good knight.


 


FALSTAFF


Come here, Pistol; stand behind me. This doth show my earnestness of affection.


 

32 ✴ HENRY IV, PART 1

 

FALSTAFF puts his arm around PISTOL’S shoulders. PISTOL in turn puts his arm around BARDOLPH. BARDOLPH goes to puts his arm around someone’s shoulders, but there is nobody there, so he puts his arm around a wine bottle instead.

 


SHALLOW


It doth so.


 


FALSTAFF


My devotion,—


 


SHALLOW


It doth, it doth, it doth.


 


FALSTAFF


As it were, to ride day and night; and not to deliberate, but to stand stained with travel,and sweating with desire to see him; as if there were nothing else to be done but to see him.


 

Shouts come from within.

SOUND OPERATOR plays Sound Cue #4 (“Royal fanfare”).

 


PISTOL


There roar’d the sea, and trumpet-clangor sounds.


 

Enter KING HENRY V from stage left accompanied by the LORD CHIEF-JUSTICE and ATTENDANT holding KING HENRY V’S robe.

 


FALSTAFF


God save thy grace, King Hal! My royal Hal!


 


PISTOL


The heavens thee guard and keep, most royal imp of fame!


 

HENRY IV, PART 1 ✴ 33

 


FALSTAFF


God save thee, my sweet boy!


 

KING HENRY V

My lord chief-justice, speak to that vain man.

The CHIEF-JUSTICE tries to think of something to say but can’t think of anything; he fumbles over his words,starting and stopping.

Lord Chief-Justice have you your wits? Know you what ’tis to speak?

 


FALSTAFF


My king! My Jove! I speak to thee, my heart!


 

KING HENRY V

I know thee not, old man: fall to thy prayers.

FALSTAFF is visibly shaken and upset; he kneels, as do PISTOL and BARDOLPH. BARDOLPH offers a swig from thebottle to KING HENRY V, who ignores him. SHALLOW gives a small bow.

How ill white hairs become a fool and jester! I have long dream’d of such a kind of man, So surfeit-swell’d, so old and so profane; But, being awaked, I do despise my dream. Reply not to me with a fool-born jest: Presume not that I am the thing I was;

For God doth know, so shall the world perceive, That I have turn’d away my former self;

So will I those that kept me company. When thou dost hear I am as I have been,

Approach me, and thou shalt be as thou wast, The tutor and the feeder of my riots:

Till then, I banish thee, on pain of death,


 

34 ✴ HENRY IV, PART 1

 

Not to come near our person by ten mile. Set on.

Exit KING HENRY V and ATTENDANT.

 

FALSTAFF (to SHALLOW)

Master Shallow, do not you grieve at this; I shall be sent for in private to him: look you, he must

seem thus to the world: this that you heard was but a color.

 


SHALLOW


A color that I fear you will die in, Sir John.


 


FALSTAFF


Fear no colors: go with me to dinner: come, Lieutenant Pistol; come, Bardolph: I shall besent for soon at night.


 

Exit SHALLOW and BARDOLPH stage right.

 


FALSTAFF


I would ’twere bed-time, Hal, and all well.


 

PRINCE HENRY’S voice rings out from offstage, an echo from the past.

Why, thou owest God a death.

ALL begin to enter and surround FALSTAFF as he speaks.

 


FALSTAFF


’Tis not due yet; I would be loath to pay him before his day. What need I be so forward with him that calls not on me? Well, ’tis no matter; honor pricks me on. Yea, but how if honor prick me off when I come on? How then? Can honor set to a leg?


 

HENRY IV, PART 1 ✴ 35

 


ALL


No.


 


FALSTAFF


Or an arm?


 


ALL


No.


 


FALSTAFF


Or take away the grief of a wound?


 


ALL


No.


 


FALSTAFF


What is honor? A word. What is in that word honor?


 


ALL


Air.


 


FALSTAFF


Who hath it? He that died o’ Wednesday. Doth he feel it?


 


ALL


No.


 


FALSTAFF


’Tis insensible, then. Yea, to the dead. But will it not live with the living?


 


ALL


No.


 

36 ✴ HENRY IV, PART 1

 

FALSTAFF

 

Why? Detraction will not suffer it. Therefore I’ll none of it.

 


ALL


Honor is a mere scutcheon.


 


FALSTAFF


And so ends my catechism.


 

ALL hold hands and bow