Time for our monthly fun Zoom Shakespeare spectacular. We engage in a dramatic round-robin reading of As You Like it: The 30-Minute Shakespeare
This time the whimsical comedy As You Like It, where Rosalind and Celia go into the forest of Arden disguised as men, wherein mistaken identity, love, folly, philosophy, rural hijinks and magic ensue!
We read the 30-Minute script round-robin over Zoom, which means you can be a Fool, a tyrant, a lovestruck cross-dresser, a goofy shepherd or a usurping Duke. All in one brief fun play!
No experience necessary, just a desire to have some fun on a Monday eve from the comfort of your own home with a group of fellow silly armchair thespians lookin' to throw around some high drama.
Here is Zoom link:
Here is the Facebook event link
Here is the script as a word doc: (click on the blue)
Here is the script as a PDF: (click on the blue)
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Here is the script text pasted:
CAST of Characters:
DUKE SENIOR: Living in banishment
DUKE FREDERICK: Duke Senior’s brother, and usurper of
his dominions
ROSALIND: Daughter to the banished Duke Senior
CELIA: Rosalind’s cousin, daughter to Duke Frederick
AMIENS
JAQUES/ Lords attending the banished Duke
OLIVER
ORLANDO /Sons of Sir Rowland de Boys
TOUCHSTONE: A clown
CORIN: A shepherd
SILVIUS: A young shepherd in love
AUDREY: A goatkeeper
PHEBE: A shepherdess
HYMEN: Goddess of Marriage
Scene 1. (Act I, Scene III)
A room in Duke Frederick’s palace.
NARRATOR
Our play begins in the court of the hateful Duke Frederick, who has banished his brother, the former Duke Senior, to the forest of Arden, and now banishes his niece Rosalind as well. Rosalind and her cousin, Duke Frederick’s daughter Celia, devise a plan to escape to the forest together.
CELIA
Why, cousin Rosalind! Is it
possible, on such a sudden, you should fall into so
strong a liking with old Sir Rowland's youngest son?
ROSALIND
The duke my father loved his father dearly.
CELIA
Doth it therefore ensue that you should love his son
dearly?
ROSALIND
Let me love him for that, and do you love him
because I do. Look, here comes the duke.
CELIA
With his eyes full of anger.
DUKE FREDERICK
Mistress, dispatch you with your safest haste
And get you from our court.
ROSALIND
Me, uncle?
DUKE FREDERICK
You, cousin
Within these ten days if that thou be'st found
So near our public court as twenty miles,
Thou diest for it.
ROSALIND
I do beseech your grace,
Let me the knowledge of my fault bear with me.
DUKE FREDERICK
Thou art thy father's daughter; there's enough
CELIA
If she be a traitor, why so am I.
Pronounce that sentence then on me, my liege:
I cannot live out of her company.
DUKE FREDERICK (to Celia)
You are a fool. (to Rosalind) You, niece, if you outstay the time, upon mine honor,
And in the greatness of my word, you die.
CELIA
O my poor Rosalind, whither wilt thou go?
Wilt thou change fathers? I will give thee mine.
Let my father seek another heir.
Therefore devise with me how we may fly,
I'll go along with thee.
ROSALIND
Why, whither shall we go?
CELIA
To seek my uncle in the forest of Arden.
ROSALIND
Alas, what danger will it be to us,
Maids as we are, to travel forth so far!
Beauty provoketh thieves sooner than gold.
Were it not better,
That I did suit me all points like a man?
We'll have a swashing and a martial outside,
As many other mannish cowards have
That do outface it with their semblances.
CELIA
What shall I call thee when thou art a man?
ROSALIND
I'll have no worse a name than Jove's own page;
And therefore look you call me Ganymede.
But what will you be call'd?
CELIA
Something that hath a reference to my state
No longer Celia, but Aliena.
ROSALIND
But, cousin, what if we assay'd to steal
The clownish fool out of your father's court?
Would he not be a comfort to our travel?
CELIA
He'll go along o'er the wide world with me.
Leave me alone to woo him. Let's away.
Scene 2. (Act II, Scene I)
The Forest of Arden.
NARRATOR from
In the Forest of Arden, Duke Senior and his exiled Lords make the best of their life in the woods,
where they meet Orlando, who himself has been cast out by his older brother Oliver.
DUKE SENIOR
Now, my co-mates and brothers in exile,
Are not these woods
More free from peril than the envious court?
Sweet are the uses of adversity,
Which finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks,
Sermons in stones, and good in every thing.
AMIENS
Happy is your grace,
That can translate the stubbornness of fortune
Into so quiet and so sweet a style.
DUKE SENIOR
Why, how now, monsieur Jaques! What, you look merrily!
JAQUES
A fool, a fool! I met a fool i' the forest,
A motley fool;
a miserable world!
O that I were a fool!
I must have liberty as the wind,
To blow on whom I please;
for so fools have;
But who comes here?
ORLANDO.
Forbear, and eat no more.
JAQUES
Why, I have eat none yet.
DUKE SENIOR
What would you have?
ORLANDO
I almost die for food; and let me have it.
DUKE SENIOR
Sit down and feed, and welcome to our table.
ORLANDO
Speak you so gently? )
Pardon me, I pray you:
I thought that all things had been savage here;
If ever you have look'd on better days,
If ever from your eyelids wiped a tear
Let gentleness my strong enforcement be:
In the which hope I blush, and hide my sword.
DUKE SENIOR
True is it that we have seen better days.
ORLANDO
Then but forbear your food a little while,
Whiles, like a doe, I go to find my fawn.
DUKE SENIOR (to Jaques)
Thou seest we are not all alone unhappy:
This wide and universal theatre
Presents more woeful pageants than the scene
Wherein we play in.
JAQUES
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
DUKE SENIOR
Give us some music; and, good cousin, sing.
SONG [sung as they exit]
Blow, blow, thou winter wind.
Thou art not so unkind
As man's ingratitude;
Thy tooth is not so keen,
Because thou art not seen,
Although thy breath be rude.
Heigh-ho! Sing, heigh-ho! Unto the green holly:
Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:
Then, heigh-ho, the holly!
This life is most jolly.
Heigh-ho!
Scene 3 (Act III, Scene II)
NARRATOR
Orlando hangs love notes for Rosalind in the forest. Rosalind, as Ganymede, and Celia, as Aliena, discover the love notes and meet the lovestruck Orlando.
.
[ORLANDO hangs a piece of paper on tree.]
ORLANDO
Hang there, my verse, in witness of my love:
O Rosalind! These trees shall be my books
Run, run, Orlando; carve on every tree
The fair, the chaste and unexpressive she.
[Enter ROSALIND with a paper, reading].
ROSALIND
From the east to western Ind,
No jewel is like Rosalind.
Let no fair be kept in mind
But the fair of Rosalind.
TOUCHSTONE
If a hart do lack a hind,
Let him seek out Rosalind.
Sweetest nut hath sourest rind,
Such a nut is Rosalind.
He that sweetest rose will find
Must find love's prick and Rosalind.
ROSALIND
Peace, you dull fool! Here comes my sister, reading: stand aside.
Enter Celia from stage right, reading.
CELIA
Nature presently distilled
Helen’s cheek, but not her heart,
Cleopatra’s majesty,
Atalanta’s better part,
Sad Lucretia’s modesty.
Rosalind of many parts
Of many faces, eyes and hearts,
Heaven would that she these gifts should have,
And I to live and die her slave.
[to Corin and Touchstone]
How now! Back, friends! Shepherd, go off a little.
Go with him, sirrah.
TOUCHSTONE
Come, shepherd, let us make an honorable retreat.
CELIA
Dids’t thou hear without wondering how thy
name should be hanged and carved upon these trees?
Trow you who hath done this?
ROSALIND
I prithee now
tell me who it is.
CELIA
O wonderful, wonderful, and most wonderful
wonderful! And yet again wonderful, and after that,
out of all hooping!
ROSALIND
I prithee take the cork out of thy mouth, that I may drink thy tidings.
CELIA
So you may put a man in your belly.
It is young Orlando.
ROSALIND
Orlando?
CELIA
Orlando.
ROSALIND
Alas the day! What shall I do with my doublet and
hose? What did he when thou sawest him? What said
he? How looked he? Did he ask for me? Where remains he?
and when shalt thou see
him again? Answer me in one word.
CELIA
You must borrow me Gargantua’s mouth first—
ROSALIND
But doth he know that I am in this forest and in
man's apparel? Sweet, say on.
CELIA
I found him under a tree like a dropped acorn.
Soft! Comes he not here?
ROSALIND
'Tis he: slink by, and note him.
[Aside to CELIA] I will speak to him, like a saucy
lackey and under that habit play the knave with him.
Enter ORLANDO.
ROSALIND [She speaks in a low, mannish tone.]
ROSALIND
Do you hear, forester?
ORLANDO
Very well: what would you?
ROSALIND
There is a man haunts the forest, that
abuses our young plants with carving “Rosalind” on
their barks; if I could meet that fancy-monger I would
give him some good counsel, for he seems to have the
quotidian of love upon him.
ORLANDO
I am he that is so love-shaked: I pray you tell me
your remedy.
ROSALIND
Love is merely a madness,
Yet I profess curing it by counsel.
ORLANDO
Did you ever cure any so?
ROSALIND
Yes, one, and in this manner. He was to imagine me
his love, his mistress; and I set him every day to
woo me, and thus I cured him.
ORLANDO
I would not be cured, youth.
ROSALIND
I would cure you, if you would but call me Rosalind
and come every day to my cote and woo me.
ORLANDO
With all my heart, good youth.
ROSALIND
Nay you must call me Rosalind. Come, sister, will
you go?
.
Scene 4 (Act III, Scene III)
NARRATOR
Touchstone has a strong attraction to the simple goatherder Audrey, who does not seem to understand his witticisms very well.
TOUCHSTONE
Come apace, good Audrey. I will fetch up your goats, Audrey.
And, how now, Audrey. Am I the man yet? Doth my simple feature content you?
AUDREY
Your features, Lord warrant us!
What features?
TOUCHSTONE)
I am here with thee and thy goats, as the most capricious poet, honest Ovid, was among the Goths.
Truly, I would the gods had made thee poetical.
AUDREY
I do not know what “poetical” is. Is it honest in deed and word? Is it a true thing?
TOUCHSTONE
No, truly, for the truest poetry is the most feigning, and lovers are given to poetry
AUDREY
Would you not have me honest?
TOUCHSTONE
Truly, and to cast away honesty upon a foul slut were to put good meat into an unclean dish
AUDREY
I am not a slut, although I thank the gods I am foul (thinks she is flattering herself, not knowing the meaning of the words she speaks
TOUCHSTONE
Well, praised be the gods for thy foulness; sluttishness may come hereafter. But be it as it may be, I will marry thee.
AUDREY
Well, the gods give us joy
TOUCHSTONE
Come, sweet Audrey. We must be married, or we must live in bawdry.
Scene 5 (Act III, Scene V)
Another part of the forest.
NARRATOR
Silvius, a lovestruck shepherd, vainly woos the scornful Phebe, who falls for Rosalind (as Ganymede). Nothing is simple in love!
SILVIUS
Sweet Phebe, do not scorn me
If ever you meet in some fresh cheek
the power of fancy,
Then shall you know the wounds invisible
That love's keen arrows make.
PHEBE
But till that time
Come not thou near me: and when that time comes,
Afflict me with thy mocks, pity me not;
As till that time I shall not pity thee.
ROSALIND)
And why, I pray you? What though you have no beauty,--
Must you be therefore proud and pitiless?
Why, what means this? Why do you look on me?[(to Celia] I think she means to tangle my eyes too!
No, faith, proud mistress, hope not after it.
[to Silvius] You foolish shepherd, wherefore do you follow her,
Like foggy south puffing with wind and rain?
'tis such fools as you
That makes the world full of ill-favor'd children:
[to Phebe] Mistress, sell when you can: you are not for all markets:
Cry the man mercy; love him; take his offer:
Foul is most foul, being foul to be a scoffer.
So take her to thee, shepherd: fare you well
PHEBE
Sweet youth, I pray you, chide a year together:
I had rather hear you chide than this man woo.
ROSALIND [to Phebe]
He's fallen in love with your foulness
[to Celia]and she'll fall in love with my anger. I'll sauce her
with bitter words. [to Phebe] Why look you so upon me?
I pray you, do not fall in love with me,
For I am falser than vows made in wine:
Besides, I like you not.
[to Silvius]Shepherd, ply her hard
PHEBE
“Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?”
SILVIUS
Sweet Phebe,—
PHEBE)
Ha, what say'st thou, Silvius?
SILVIUS
I would have you.
PHEBE
Silvius, the time was that I hated thee,
But since that thou canst talk of love so well,
Thy company, I will endure.
SILVIUS
Loose now and then
A scatter'd smile, and that I'll live upon.
PHEBE
Know'st now the youth that spoke to me erewhile?
SILVIUS
Not very well, but I have met him oft;
PHEBE
Think not I love him, though I ask for him:
There was a pretty redness in his lip,
The best thing in him is his complexion.
I love him not nor hate him not; (angering a bit)
and yet I have more cause to hate him than to love him:
For what had he to do to chide at me?
I will be bitter with him and passing short.
Go with me, Silvius.
SILVIUS Phebe, with all my heart!
.
Scene 6 (Act V, Scene II)
The forest.
NARRATOR
Oliver, having reconciled with his brother Orlando, tells of his love for Aliena. Meanwhile, Rosalind assures Orlando, Silvius, and Phebe that she can solve all of their love woes, and that they will all be married the next day.
ORLANDO
Is't possible that on so little acquaintance you
should like her? That but seeing you should love
her? And loving woo? And, wooing, she should
grant? And will you persever to enjoy her?
OLIVER
Neither call the giddiness of it in question, my sudden
wooing, nor her sudden consenting;
I love Aliena;
consent with both that we may enjoy each other: it
shall be to your good; for my father's house and all
the revenue that was old Sir Rowland's will I
estate upon you, and here live and die a shepherd.
ORLANDO
You have my consent. Let your wedding be to-morrow:
Go you and prepare Aliena.
ROSALIND
O, my dear Orlando.
Your brother and my sister no sooner
met but they looked, no sooner looked but they
they made a pair of stairs
to marriage. They are in the very wrath of love
and they will together;
clubs cannot part them.
ORLANDO
They shall be married to-morrow, Ganymede. [turns toward her]
But, O, how bitter a thing it
is to look into happiness through another man's
eyes!
ROSALIND
Why then, to-morrow I cannot serve your turn for
Rosalind?
ORLANDO
I can live no longer by thinking.
ROSALIND
Believe then, if
you please, that I can do strange things: I have,
since I was three year old, conversed with a
magician. If you do love Rosalind so near the heart
as your gesture cries it out, when your brother
marries Aliena, shall you marry her.
Look, here comes a lover of mine and a lover of hers.
PHEBE [to Rosalind]
Youth, you have done me much ungentleness.
ROSALIND
You are there followed by a faithful shepherd;
Look upon him, love him; he worships you.
PHEBE
Good shepherd, tell this youth what 'tis to love.
SILVIUS
It is to be all made of sighs and tears;
And so am I for Phebe.
PHEBE
And I for Ganymede.
ORLANDO
And I for Rosalind.
ROSALIND
And I for no woman.
SILVIUS
It is to be all made of faith and service;
And so am I for Phebe.
PHEBE
And I for Ganymede.
ORLANDO
And I for Rosalind.
ROSALIND
And I for no woman.
SILVIUS
It is to be all made of fantasy,
All made of passion and all made of wishes,
And so am I for Phebe.
PHEBE
And so am I for Ganymede.
ORLANDO
And so am I for Rosalind.
ROSALIND
And so am I for no woman.
Pray you, no more of this; 'tis like the howling
of Irish wolves against the moon.
[to SILVIUS]
I will help you, if I can:
[to PHEBE]
I would love you, if I could. To-morrow meet me all
together.
[to PHEBE]
I will marry you, if ever I marry woman, and I'll be
married to-morrow:
[to ORLANDO, passionately]
I will satisfy you, if ever I satisfied man, and you
shall be married to-morrow:
[to SILVIUS]
I will content you, if what pleases you contents
you, and you shall be married to-morrow.
Scene 7. (Act V, Scene IV)
The forest.
NARRATOR
The Goddess of Marriage, Hymen, arrives to bring the lovers together and the comedy to a merry ending..
DUKE SENIOR
Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boy
Can do all this that he hath promised?
ORLANDO
I sometimes do believe, and sometimes do not;
As those that fear they hope, and know they fear.
HYMEN
With great importance and Godliness
Then is there mirth in heaven,
When earthly things made even
Atone together.
Good duke, receive thy daughter
Hymen from heaven brought her,
That thou mightst join her hand with his
Whose heart within his bosom is.
ROSALIND
[to ORLANDO]
To you I give myself, for I am yours.
DUKE SENIOR
If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.
ORLANDO
If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.
PHEBE [to Rosalind]
If sight and shape be true,
Why then, my love adieu!
HYMEN
Peace, ho! I bar confusion:
'Tis I must make conclusion
Of these most strange events:
Here's eight that must take hands
To join in Hymen's bands,
If truth holds true contents.
Whiles a wedlock-hymn we sing,
Feed yourselves with questioning;
That reason wonder may diminish,
How thus we met, and these things finish.
DUKE SENIOR
Proceed, proceed: we will begin these rites,
As we do trust they'll end, in true delights.
[Readers each read one line of the song]
It was a lover and his lass
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey-nonny-no,
That o’er the green cornfield did pass
In springtime, the only pretty ring time,
When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding.
Sweet lovers love the spring.
And therefore take the present time,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey-nonny no,
For love is crowned with the prime,
In springtime, the only pretty ring time,
When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding.
Sweet lovers love the spring.
THE END!