The30MinuteShakespeare

Join us for Let's Make a Scene: Hamlet on Wednesday May 24th, 2023 at 7:30 PM!

Free and fun, we will round-robin read over Zoom: Hamlet: The 30-Minute Shakespeare.

Be serious, sanguine, silly, sad, angry, depressed, insane, pedantic, evil, ghostly, be it all!

All participants receive a free emailed PDF of Hamlet: The 30-Minute Shakespeare.

Join us; no experience necessary!

Zoom link: 

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85041676802?pwd=ZWVSbUxna2tXSFpmQkIrbHJVTUNjdz09

If you want to print out the script or

read it on a tablet here are some versions to print, copy etc.

And here is the script, pasted:

Play on!

Hamlet: The 30-Minute Shakespeare

Characters in the Play

scene 1. act i, Scene ii)

Elsinore. A room of state in the castle. 

Narrator

Hamlet, the Prince of Denmark, is grieving over his father’s death. To make matters worse, his uncle Claudius has become king by marrying Hamlet’s mother, Queen Gertrude. Then there is the matter of the ghost . 

King Claudius

Though yet of Hamlet our dear brother’s death The memory be green, our hearts in grief,  We with wisest sorrow think on him. 

Together with our sometime sister, now our queen,

Have we, with mirth in funeral and with dirge in marriage, 

Taken to wife. 

But now, my cousin Hamlet, and my son, 

How is it that the clouds still hang on you?

Hamlet 

Not so, my lord; I am too much i’ the sun.

Queen Gertrude 

Good Hamlet, cast thy nighted color off, Do not for ever with thy vailed lids 

Seek for thy noble father in the dust: 

Thou know’st ’tis common; all that lives must die, Passing through nature to eternity.

Hamlet

Ay, madam, it is common.

King Claudius

’Tis sweet and commendable in your nature, Hamlet, To give these mourning duties to your father: 

But, you must know, your father lost a father; 

That father lost, lost his: but to persever 

In obstinate condolement, ’tis a fault against the dead.  Come away.

Hamlet

O, that this too too solid flesh would melt Thaw and resolve itself into a dew! How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable, Seem to me all the uses of this world! 

That it should come to this! 

But two months dead: 

So excellent a king; that was, to this, 

Hyperion to a satyr; so loving to my mother 

Frailty, thy name is woman!— Why she, even she— 

O, God! A beast, that wants discourse of reason, 

Would have mourn’d longer—married with my uncle, 

                       (addresses audience) 

My father’s brother. 

O, most wicked speed, to post 

With such dexterity to incestuous sheets! 

But break, my heart; for I must hold my tongue.

Horatio 

Hail to your lordship!

Hamlet

I am glad to see you well, Horatio.

Horatio

My lord, I came to see your father’s funeral.

Hamlet (looks upward)

My father!—Methinks I see my father.

Horatio  

Where, my lord? (haltingly, taken aback)

Hamlet

In my mind’s eye, Horatio.

Horatio 

My lord, I think I saw him yesternight.

Hamlet

The king my father! 

For God’s love, let me hear.

Horatio

Two nights together with those gentlemen, 

Marcellus and Bernardo, on our watch, In the dead vast and middle of the night, were thus encounter’d. A figure like your father, 

Armed at point exactly, 

Appears before us, and with solemn march Goes slow and stately by us:  

It lifted up its head, like as it would speak; 

But even then the morning cock crew loud, And at the sound it shrunk in haste away, And vanish’d from our sight.

Hamlet

’Tis very strange. 

I will watch to-night; Perchance ’twill walk again.

Horatio

I warrant it will.

Hamlet

So, fare you well: 

Upon the platform, ’twixt eleven and twelve, I’ll visit you.

Horatio

My duty to your honor.

Hamlet

My father’s spirit in arms! All is not well; 

Foul deeds will rise, 

Though all the earth o’erwhelm them, to men’s eyes.

 

Scene 2. Act I, Scene IV

A platform before the castle.

Narrator

On the watchmen’s platform, the ghost of the former king, Hamlet’s father, appears to give Hamlet disturbing news.

Hamlet

The air bites shrewdly; it is very cold.

Horatio

Look, my lord, it comes!

Enter Ghost

Hamlet

Angels and ministers of grace defend us! 

Bring with thee airs from heaven or blasts from hell, King, father: O, answer me!

Horatio

It beckons you to go away with it.

Hamlet

Then I will follow it.

Horatio

Do not, my lord.

Hamlet

My fate cries out, I’ll follow thee.

Horatio

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

 

Scene 3. Act I, Scene V

Another part of the platform.

Hamlet 

Where wilt thou lead me? Speak; I’ll go no further.

Ghost

I am thy father’s spirit, 

Doom’d for a certain term to walk the night, 

And for the day confined to fast in fires, Till the foul crimes done in my days of nature Are burnt and purged away. List, list, O, list! 

If thou didst ever thy dear father love—

Hamlet

O God!

Ghost

Revenge his foul and most unnatural murder.

Hamlet

Murder!

Ghost

Now, Hamlet, hear: Sleeping in my orchard, A serpent stung me. 

The serpent that did sting thy father’s life Now wears his crown.

Hamlet

O my prophetic soul! My uncle!

Ghost

Ay, that incestuous, that adulterate beast, 

Won to his shameful lust 

The will of my most seeming-virtuous queen: 

Sleeping within my orchard, 

Thy uncle stole, 

With juice of cursed hebenon in a vial, 

And in the porches of my ears did pour 

The leperous distilment; 

Thus was I, sleeping, by a brother’s hand Of life, of crown, of queen, at once dispatch’d: 

O, horrible! Most horrible! 

Adieu, adieu! Hamlet, remember me.

Hamlet 

Remember thee! 

Ay, thou poor ghost, while memory holds a seat In this distracted globe. 

O most pernicious woman! Smiling, damned villain!

Hamlet

Give me one poor request, Horatio.

Horatio 

What is’t, my lord? I will.

Hamlet 

Never make known what you have seen to-night.

Horatio  

My lord, I will not.

Ghost Swear.

Horatio

O day and night, but this is wondrous strange!

Ghost (offstage) Swear.

Hamlet

Rest, rest, perturbed spirit!

Let us go in together; 

And still your fingers on your lips, I pray. The time is out of joint: O cursed spite, That ever I was born to set it right!

.

Scene 4. Act II Scene II

A room in the castle.

Narrator

A traveling acting troupe arrives at Elsinore; Hamlet decides to have the players act out his father’s murder. (emphatically) The play’s the thing.

Hamlet

I’ll have the players 

Play something like the murder of my father 

Before mine uncle:  

I’ll observe his looks; 

If he but blench, I know my course. 

The play’s the thing 

Wherein I’ll catch the conscience of the king.

Scene 5. Act III Scene I

A room in the castle.

Narrator

Hamlet and Ophelia, the daughter of King Claudius’s chief officer Polonius, have recently confessed their affection for each other. But when Ophelia’s father, bound by the king to spy on Hamlet, orders Ophelia to return Hamlet’s love letters, the prince’s vicious and unhinged reaction upsets her greatly.

Ophelia:

My lord, I have remembrances of yours, That I have longed long to

re-deliver; I pray you, now receive them.

Hamlet

No, not I; 

I never gave you aught.

Ophelia

My honor’d lord, you know right well you did; 

And, with them, words of so sweet breath composed 

As made the things more rich: their perfume lost, Take these again; for to the noble mind 

Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind. There, my lord.

.

Hamlet

I did love you once.

Ophelia

Indeed, my lord, you made me believe so.

Hamlet

You should not have believed me; I loved you not.

Ophelia

I was the more deceived.

Hamlet) 

Get thee to a nunnery: why wouldst thou be a breeder of sinners? Or, if thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them. (points again)To a nunnery, go, and quickly too. Farewell. 

Ophelia

O heavenly powers, restore him!

Hamlet 

God has given you one face, and you make yourselves another. Go to, I’ll no more on’t; it hath made me mad. I say, we will have no more marriages. To a nunnery, go.

Ophelia

O, what a noble mind is here o’erthrown! 

I see that noble and most sovereign reason, 

Like sweet bells jangled, out of tune and harsh;  O, woe is me, to have seen what I have seen,           see what I see! 

 

Scene 6. Act III Scene II

A hall in the castle.

Hamlet

Horatio, there is a play to-night before the king; One scene of it comes near the circumstance Which I have told thee of my father’s death: 

Give him heedful note; 

For I mine eyes will rivet to his face, And after we will both our judgments join In censure of his seeming.

Horatio

Well, my lord.

Hamlet

They are coming to the play; I must be idle: 

Get you a place..

Queen Gertrude 

Come hither, my dear Hamlet, sit by me.

Hamlet 

No, good mother, here’s metal more attractive. 

The Players begin their show. Enter a king and a queen very lovingly; the queen embracing him, and he her. She bows to him. He takes her up, and declines his head upon her neck: he lies down upon a bank of flowers: she, seeing him asleep, leaves him. Anon comes in a fellow, takes off his crown, kisses it, and pours poison in the king’s ears, and exit. The queen returns; finds the king dead, and mourns in anguish. The poisoner, comes in again, seeming to lament with her. The dead body stays dead. The poisoner woos the queen with gifts: she seems loath and unwilling awhile, but in the end accepts his love.

Ophelia ( 

What means this, my lord?

Hamlet

It means mischief.

King Claudius  

What do you call the play?

Hamlet

The Mouse-trap

 

Ophelia

The king rises.

Hamlet

What, frighted with false fire!

Queen Gertrude

How fares my lord?

King Claudius

Give me some light: away!

All

Lights, lights, lights!

Hamlet

O good Horatio, I’ll take the ghost’s word for a thousand pound. Didst perceive?

Horatio

Very well, my lord.

Hamlet 

Upon the show of the poisoning?

Horatio

I did very well note him.

Hamlet

I will come to my mother by and by.  Leave me, friend.’Tis now the very witching time of night, When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out Contagion to this world. Soft! Now to my mother.

 

 Scene 7. Act III Scene IV

The Queen’s closet.

Narrator

Hamlet confronts his mother, resulting in a bloody deed involving Ophelia’s father, Lord Polonius; the Ghost returns.

Polonius

He will come straight.  

Tell him his pranks have been too broad to bear with. I’ll sconce me even here. 

Hamlet Mother, mother, mother!

Queen Gertrude

Withdraw, I hear him coming.

.Hamlet 

Now, mother, what’s the matter?

Queen Gertrude

Hamlet, thou hast thy father much offended.

Hamlet

Mother, you have my father much offended.

Queen Gertrude 

Come, come, you answer with an idle tongue.

Hamlet

Go, go, you question with a wicked tongue.

Hamlet

How now! A rat? Dead, for a ducat, dead!

Hamlet finds Polonius behind the pillar and stabs him with  his sword.

Lord Polonius

 O! 

Queen Gertrude 

O me, what hast thou done?

Hamlet

Is it the king?

Queen Gertrude

O, what a rash and bloody deed is this!

Hamlet

Almost as bad as kill a king, and marry with his brother.

Queen Gertrude 

As kill a king!

Hamlet 

Ay Lady, ’twas my word.

Hamlet

Thou wretched, rash, intruding fool, farewell! I took thee for thy better: 

Ghost

Do not forget: this visitation 

Is but to whet thy almost blunted purpose. But, look, amazement on thy mother sits:  

           Speak to her, Hamlet.

Hamlet Do you see nothing there?

Queen Gertrude

Nothing at all..

Hamlet 

Why, look you there!  

My father!

Queen Gertrude

This the very coinage of your brain:

Hamlet  

It is not madness

Confess yourself to heaven; avoid what is to come.

Queen Gertrude (disconsolate) 

O Hamlet, thou hast cleft my heart in twain. 

Hamlet

O, throw away the worser part of it, 

And live the purer with the other half.

Scene 8. Act IV Scene V

Elsinore. A room in the castle.

Narrator

Tragic events have had their effect on Ophelia.

Ophelia

Where is the beauteous majesty of Denmark?

Queen Gertrude

How now, Ophelia!

Ophelia (singing) 

He is dead and gone, lady, 

He is dead and gone; 

At his head a grass-green turf, At his heels a stone.

.

King Claudius

How do you, pretty lady?

Ophelia (singing) 

To-morrow is Saint Valentine’s day, 

All in the morning betime, 

And I a maid at your window, To be your Valentine.

. King Claudius

 How long hath she been thus? 

Ophelia

I cannot choose but weep, to think they should lay him i’ the cold ground. My brother shall know of it. 

Ophelia.

Come, my coach!

Good night, ladies; good night, sweet ladies; good night, good night. 

. King Claudius 

O, this is the poison of deep grief; it springs 

All from her father’s death. Poor Ophelia 

Divided from herself and her fair judgment.

Laertes

Where is this king? O thou vile king, Where is my father?

King Claudius 

Dead. 

Laertes

How came he dead? I’ll not be juggled with: 

To hell, allegiance! Vows, to the blackest devil! 

I’ll be revenged most thoroughly for my father. 

King Claudius  

I am guiltless of your father’s death, And am most sensible in grief for it.

Laertes 

How now! What noise is that?

[Re-enter Ophelia from stage right, disheveled and with hair  a mess.]

O heat, dry up my brains! 

By heaven, thy madness shall be paid by weight. 

O rose of May! 

Dear maid, kind sister, sweet Ophelia! 

Ophelia [singing] 

And will he not come again? 

And will he not come again? 

No, no, he is dead: 

Go to thy death-bed: 

He never will come again.

Laertes  

Do you see this, O God?

King Claudius 

Where the offense is let the great axe fall. I pray you, go with me.

Scene 9. Act V, Scene II additional  Material from Act III Scene I

A hall in the castle.

Narrator

Hamlet and Laertes duel. Poison is involved. I do not predict a 

Hamlet

There’s a divinity that shapes our ends, 

Rough-hew them how we will,—

Horatio

That is most certain.

Hamlet 

Is’t not perfect conscience, 

To quit him with this arm? 

Horatio

Peace! Who comes here?

Osric 

Your lordship is right welcome back to Denmark.

Hamlet

I humbly thank you, sir. 

Osric

My lord, his majesty bade me signify to you that he has laid a great wager on your head: Here is newly come to court Laertes. The king, sir, hath laid, that in a dozen passes between yourself and him, he shall not exceed you three hits.

Hamlet

Let the foils be brought, the gentleman willing, and the king hold his purpose, I will win for him. 

 

Osric 

The king and queen and all are coming down.

Horatio

You will lose this wager, my lord.

Hamlet

There’s a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. The readiness is all.

King Claudius 

Come, Hamlet, come, and take this hand from me.

Hamlet

Give me your pardon, sir: I’ve done you wrong; I here proclaim was madness.

Laertes

I stand aloof; and will no reconcilement.

King Claudius 

Give them the foils, young Osric. 

Laertes

This is too heavy, let me see another. 

King Claudius 

The king shall drink to Hamlet’s better breath; Come, begin.

Laertes

Come, my lord.

Hamlet

One.

Laertes

No.                                                         

Hamlet

Judgment.

Osric

A hit, a very palpable hit.

Laertes 

Well; again.

King Claudius 

Stay; give me drink. Hamlet, this pearl is thine; Here’s to thy health.

Hamlet

I’ll play this bout first; set it by awhile. Come.

Another hit; what say you? 

Laertes

A touch, a touch, I do confess.

Queen Gertrude 

The queen carouses to thy fortune, Hamlet.

Hamlet

Good madam!

King Claudius 

Gertrude, do not drink.

Queen Gertrude 

I will, my lord; I pray you, pardon me.

King Claudius

It is the poison’d cup: it is too late. 

Hamlet

I dare not drink yet, madam; by and by.

Laertes

Have at you now!

Queen Gertrude [falls.]

Horatio

They bleed on both sides. How is it, my lord?

Osric

How is’t, Laertes? 

Laertes

I am justly kill’d with mine own treachery.

Hamlet

How does the queen?

King Claudius 

She swounds to see them bleed.

Queen gertrude 

No, no, the drink, the drink,—O my dear Hamlet,— The drink, the drink! I am poison’d.

Queen Gertrude [dies.]

Hamlet O villany! Let the door be lock’d: Treachery! Seek it out. 

Laertes

It is here, Hamlet: Hamlet, thou art slain; 

The treacherous instrument is in thy hand, envenom’d: 

Thy mother’s poison’d: The king’s to blame.

Hamlet 

The point!—Envenom’d too! 

Then, venom, to thy work.

[Hamlet stabs King Claudius]. 

king Claudius 

O, yet defend me, friends; I am but hurt.

Hamlet

Here, thou incestuous, murderous, damned Dane, Drink off this potion. Is thy union here? 

Follow my mother.

King Claudius [dies.]

Laertes

He is justly served; 

Exchange forgiveness with me, noble Hamlet: Mine and my father’s death come not upon thee, Nor thine on me.

laertes [dies.]

Hamlet

Heaven make thee free of it! I follow thee. 

I am dead, Horatio. Wretched queen, adieu! 

Horatio, I am dead; 

Thou livest; report me and my cause aright To the unsatisfied. 

If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart In this harsh world draw thy breath in pain, To tell my story. 

O, I die, Horatio; 

The potent poison quite o’er-crows my spirit: 

The rest is silence.

hamlet [dies

Horatio

Now cracks a noble heart. Good night sweet prince: 

And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!

All start to gather onstage.

Actor 1

To be, or not to be: that is the question:

Actor 2

Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer 

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

Actor 3

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them? 

All

To die: to sleep; No more; 

Actor4   and by a sleep to say we end 

The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to,

Actor 5

’tis a consummation 

Devoutly to be wish’d. 

All

To die, to sleep;

Actor 6

To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub;

Actor 7

For in that sleep of death what dreams may come When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,

All

Must give us pause: 

Actor 8   There’s the respect 

That makes calamity of so long life;

All

Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;

Actor 9

And thus the native hue of resolution 

Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought,

 

ALL hold hands and take a bow

To Thunderous applause!

 

 

 

 

Hello all!

Let's Make a Scene Romeo and Juliet is Monday April 3 at 7:30 PM.

Here is the script in Word . PDF and text: (You can read it on a tablet or print it out)

Click the Blue for the scritps

We will also paste the script into the Zoom chat)  See you 7:30 EST Monday April 3, 2023

I will paste the text of the script below.

The lates Zoom link (I had to change it because the original link was locked at an erroneous 7:30 AM start time, so here is the latest!:

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/84195384026?pwd=bUVqM0N6ODhZYnVJV1dGTUxaK1kwdz09

This is the Facebook event page, (which claims the event has ended, because I put 7:30 AM, but it's happening!

https://www.facebook.com/events/142908918494207/?ref=newsfeed

***

Here is the script pasted:

Romeo and Juliet: Let’s Make a Scene

Return  to  seats  amidst  thunderous  applause!

 

It's time for Let's Make a Scene! 

This time we will be doing a round-robin reading of Shakespeare's Worst, a hilarious sendup of The Two Gentleman of Verona that I co-wrote with long time The Simpsons writer, Mike Reiss.

An actor in the play is disenchanted with his career and not a big Shakespeare fan, so he disrupts the proceedings, and mayhem ensues!

Here is the Zoom link:

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85175683134?pwd=V25OdUJxSXlJUEl1clhJSjNjbjFaZz09

We are going to read the Stage Directions too this time, so here is  a link to the script.  

Here it is as a doc:

Hey all!

Here is the script for Love's Labors Lost for Let's Make a Scene!

Here it is in Microsoft Word.

The following is a list of characters that appear in this cutting of

Love’s Labor’s Lost.

Twenty actors performed in the original production. This number can be increased to about thirty or decreased to about twelve by having actors share or double roles.

For the full breakdown of characters, see Sample Program.

KING FERDINAND: King of Navarre

BEROWNE ,

LONGAVILLE, 

DUMAINE

Lords attending on the King

COSTARD: A clown

BOYET

 MARCADE

Lords attending on the Princess of France

DULL: A constable

THE PRINCESS OF FRANCE 

ROSALINE

MARIA

 KATHARINE

Ladies attending on the Princess

DON ARMADO: A fantastical Spaniard

SIR NATHANIEL: A curate HOLOFERNES: 

A schoolmaster 

BOY/MOTH: 

Page to DonArmado NARRATORS

 

 

  SCENE 1. (ACT I, SCENE I)

The King of Navarre’s Court.

 

NARRATOR

The King of Navarre and his lords vow to retire from the world (especially from women) and study for three years. We will see how long this plan lasts!

 

FERDINAND

Let fame, that all hunt after in their lives, Live regist’red upon our brazen tombs, And then grace us in the disgrace of death;

You three, Berowne, Dumaine, and Longaville, Have sworn for three years’ term to live with me, My fellow-scholars, and to keep those statutes That are recorded in this schedule here: Subscribe to your deep oaths, and keep it too.

 LONGAVILLE

I am resolv’d; ’tis but a three years’ fast:

The mind shall banquet, though the body pine.

 DUMAINE

My loving lord, Dumaine is mortified:

To love, to wealth, to pomp, I pine and die, With all these living in philosophy.

 

BEROWNE 

So much, dear liege, I have already sworn, That is, to live and study here three years. But there are other strict observances:

As, not to see a woman in that term, Which I hope well is not enrolled there: And one day in a week to touch no food, Which I hope well is not enrolled there.

O! These are barren tasks, too hard to keep, Not to see ladies, study, fast, not sleep.

 LONGAVILLE

You swore to that, Berowne, and to the rest.

 BEROWNE

By yea and nay, sir, then I swore in jest. What is the end of study? Let me know. Study me how to please the eye indeed, By fixing it upon a fairer eye.

 LONGAVILLE

Berowne is like an envious sneaping frost That bites the first-born infants of the spring.

 BEROWNE 

Well, say I am: why should proud summer boast Before the birds have any cause to sing?

 

FERDINAND

Well, sit out; go home, Berowne; adieu.

 BEROWNE 

No, my good lord; I have sworn to stay with you; I’ll write my name. (signs his name)

 

FERDINAND

How well this yielding rescues thee from shame!

 

BEROWNE [reading]

“Item, That no woman shall come within a mile of my court.”

This article, my liege, yourself must break; For well you know here comes in embassy

The French king’s daughter, with yourself to speak— A mild of grace and complete majesty—

About surrender up of Aquitaine

To her decrepit, sick, and bedrid father: Therefore this article is made in vain,

Or vainly comes th’ admired princess hither.

 

FERDINAND

What say you, lords? Why, this was quite forgot.

 

BEROWNE

So study evermore is over-shot:

We must of force dispense with this decree; She must lie here on mere necessity.

Necessity will make us all forsworn

Three thousand times within this three years’ space.

 LONGAVILLE

Costard the swain shall be our sport; And so to study three years is but short.

 

DULL

Signior Arm—Arm—commends you. There’s villainy abroad: this letter will tell you more. 

 

COSTARD

Sir, the contempts thereof are as touching me.

 KING

A letter from the magnificent Armado.

 COSTARD

The matter is to me, sir, as concerning Jaquenetta. The manner of it is, I was taken with the manner.

 BEROWNE

In what manner?

 COSTARD

In manner and form following, sir; all those three:

I was seen with her in the manor-house, sitting with her upon the form, and taken following her into

the park; —it is the manner of

a man to speak to a woman, for the form,—in some form.

 

FERDINAND

Will you hear this letter with attention? [reading]“Great deputy, the welkin’s vicegerent and sole dominator of Navarre, my soul’s earth’s god and body’s fostering patron.”

 

COSTARD

Not a word of Costard yet.

 FERDINAND

Peace!

 COSTARD

Be to me, and every man that dares not fight!

 FERDINAND

No words!

 COSTARD

Of other men’s secrets, I beseech you.

 FERDINAND

“So it is, besieged with sable-coloured melancholy, I betook myself to walk, where, I did encounter that obscene and most preposterous event, there did I see that low-spirited swain, that base minnow of thy mirth,”

 

COSTARD

Me.

 FERDINAND

“that unlettered small-knowing soul,”—

 COSTARD

Me.

 FERDINAND 

“that shallow vassal,”—

 

COSTARD

Still me?

 FERDINAND 

“which, as I remember, hight Costard,”—

 

COSTARD

O me!

 FERDINAND

“sorted and consorted, contrary to thy established proclaimed edict and continent canon, with— with,—  

COSTARD

With a wench.

 FERDINAND

“with a child of our grandmother Eve, a female; Jaquenetta, which I apprehended with the aforesaid swain,— and shall, bring her to trial. Thine, in heart-burning heat of duty, DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO.”

 FERDINAND

But, sirrah, what say you to this?

 

COSTARD

Sir, I confess the wench.

 FERDINAND

Did you hear the proclamation?

 

COSTARD

I do confess much of the hearing it, but little of the marking of it.

 

FERDINAND

Sir, I will pronounce your sentence: you shall fast a week with bran and water.

 

COSTARD

I had rather pray a month with mutton and porridge.

 

FERDINAND

And Don Armado shall be your keeper. My Lord Berowne, see him delivered o’er: And go we, lords, to put in practice that

Which each to other hath so strongly sworn.

BEROWNE

I’ll lay my head to any good man’s hat

These oaths and laws will prove an idle scorn. Sirrah, come on.

COSTARD

I suffer for the truth, sir: for true it is I was taken with Jaquenetta, and Jaquenetta is a true girl; and therefore welcome the sour cup of prosperity!

Affiiction may one day smile again; and till then, sit thee down, sorrow! 

  SCENE 2. (ACT II, SCENE I)

The King of Navarre’s Park.

NARRATOR

The Princess of France and her ladies arrive at Navarre. Ferdinand’s lords each take an interest in one of the Princess’s ladies. Maybe that plan not to see women was not such a good idea!

 

BOYET

Now, madam, summon up your dearest spirits: Consider who the king your father sends,

and what’s his embassy:

To parley with Matchless Navarre; the plea of no less weight

Than Aquitaine, a dowry for a queen.

 

PRINCESS

Good Lord Boyet,

You are not ignorant, Navarre hath made a vow, Till painful study shall outwear three years,

No woman may approach his silent court: Tell him the daughter of the King of France,

Importunes personal conference with his Grace.

 

BOYET

Proud of employment, willingly I go.

 

PRINCESS [calling after him]

All pride is willing pride, and yours is so.

[to ladies] Who are the votaries,

that are vow-fellows with this virtuous duke?

 

MARIA 

Lord Longaville is one.

 

PRINCESS

Know you the man?

 MARIA 

I know him, madam: at a marriage feast, saw I this Longaville.

A man of sovereign parts, he is esteem’d, The only soil of his fair virtue’s gloss,—

Is a sharp wit match’d with too blunt a will.

 PRINCESS

Such short-liv’d wits do wither as they grow. Who are the rest?

 KATHARINE 

The young Dumaine, a well-accomplish’d youth,

For he hath wit to make an ill shape good, 

And shape to win grace though he had no wit.

 

ROSALINE 

Another of these students at that time

Was there with him, if I have heard a truth: Berowne they call him; but a merrier man, Within the limit of becoming mirth,

I never spent an hour’s talk withal.

 PRINCESS

God bless my ladies! Are they all in love, That every one her own hath garnished With such bedecking ornaments of praise? Here comes Boyet.

PRINCESS

Now, what admittance, lord?

 BOYET 

Navarre had notice of your fair approach, And he and his competitors in oath

Were all address’d to meet you, gentle lady, Before I came. Marry, thus much I have learnt; He rather means to lodge you in the field,

Like one that comes here to besiege his court, Than seek a dispensation for his oath,

Here comes Navarre.

 FERDINAND

Fair Princess, welcome to the court of Navarre.

 

PRINCESS

“Fair” I give you back again; and “welcome” I have not yet: the roof of this court is too high to be yours, and welcome to the wide fields too base to be mine.

 FERDINAND

Hear me, dear lady; I have sworn an oath.

 

PRINCESS

I hear your Grace hath sworn out house-keeping: ’Tis deadly sin to keep that oath, my lord,

And sin to break it.

 

FERDINAND 

Madam, I will, if suddenly I may.

 

PRINCESS

You will the sooner that I were away,

For you’ll prove perjur’d if you make me stay.

BEROWNE

Did not I dance with you in Brabant once?

 ROSALINE

Did not I dance with you in Brabant once?

 BEROWNE

I know you did.

 ROSALINE

How needless was it then To ask the question!

 BEROWNE

You must not be so quick.

 ROSALINE

’Tis long of you, that spur me with such questions.

 BEROWNE

Your wit’s too hot, it speeds too fast, ’twill tire.

 ROSALINE

Not till it leave the rider in the mire.

 BEROWNE 

What time o’ day?

 

ROSALINE

The hour that fools should ask.

 BEROWNE

Now fair befall your mask!

 ROSALINE

Fair fall the face it covers!

BEROWNE

And send you many lovers! 

 

ROSALINE 

Amen, so you be none.

BEROWNE

Nay, then will I be gone.

 FERDINAND

You may not come, fair Princess, in my gates; But here without you shall be so receiv’d

As you shall deem yourself lodg’d in my heart, To-morrow shall we visit you again.

 

PRINCESS

Sweet health and fair desires consort your Grace!

 FERDINAND 

Thy own wish wish I thee in every place.

 BOYET

If my observation,—which very seldom lies, By the heart’s still rhetoric disclosed with eyes, Deceive me not now, Navarre is infected.

 PRINCESS

With what?

 BOYET

With that which we lovers entitle affected.

 PRINCESS

Your reason.

 BOYET

Why, all his behaviors did make their retire

To the court of his eye, peeping thorough desire; His heart, like an agate, with your print impress’d, Proud with his form, in his eye pride express’d; Methought all his senses were lock’d in his eye, As jewels in crystal for some prince to buy.

 

PRINCESS

Come, to our pavilion: Boyet is dispos’d.

 BOYET

But to speak that in words which his eye hath disclos’d. I only have made a mouth of his eye,

By adding a tongue which I know will not lie.

 MARIA

Thou art an old love-monger, and speak’st skilfully.

 SCENE 3. (ACT V, SCENE II)

 NARRATOR

The king and his lords, disguised as Russians, visit the ladies, who have their fun by confusing the men. Poor misguided men! How will it all end?

 

PRINCESS

Sweet hearts, we shall be rich ere we depart, If fairings come thus plentifully in.

A lady wall’d about with diamonds!

Look you what I have from the loving king. But, Rosaline, you have a favor too:

Who sent it? And what is it?

 

ROSALINE

I thank Berowne;

I am compar’d to twenty thousand fairs.

O! He hath drawn my picture in his letter.

 PRINCESS

But, Katharine, what was sent to you from fair Dumaine?

 KATHARINE

Madam, this glove.

 PRINCESS

Did he not send you twain?

 KATHARINE

Yes, madam; and, moreover,

Some thousand verses of a faithful lover;

A huge translation of hypocrisy, Vilely compil’d, profound simplicity.

 MARIA

This, and these pearl, to me sent Longaville;

The letter is too long by half a mile.

 PRINCESS

I think no less. Dost thou not wish in heart The chain were longer and the letter short?

 MARIA

Ay, or I would these hands might never part.

 PRINCESS

We are wise girls to mock our lovers so.

 ROSALINE

They are worse fools to purchase mocking so. That same Berowne I’ll torture ere I go.

O that I knew he were but in by th’ week!

How I would make him fawn, and beg, and seek.

 PRINCESS

None are so surely caught, when they are catch’d, As wit turn’d fool: folly, in wisdom hatch’d,

Hath wisdom’s warrant and the help of school And wit’s own grace to grace a learned fool.

 PRINCESS

Here comes Boyet, and mirth is in his face. 

 

BOYET

O! I am stabb’d with laughter! Where’s her Grace?

 PRINCESS

Thy news, Boyet?

 BOYET

Prepare, madam, prepare! Love doth approach disguised,

Armed in arguments; you’ll be surpris’d:

 PRINCESS

But what, but what, come they to visit us?

 BOYET

They do, they do, and are apparell’d thus, Like Muscovites or Russians, as I guess. 

Their purpose is to parley, court, and dance; And every one his love-feat will advance

Unto his several mistress; which they’ll know 

By favours several which they did bestow.

 

PRINCESS

And will they so? The gallants shall be task’d: For, ladies, we will every one be mask’d; Hold, Rosaline, this favour thou shalt wear,

And then the king will court thee for his dear; Hold, take thou this, my sweet, and give me thine,

So shall Berowne take me for Rosaline.

And change you favours too; so shall your loves Woo contrary, deceiv’d by these removes.

PRINCESS

The effect of my intent is to cross theirs; They do it but in mocking merriment; And mock for mock is only my intent.

So shall we stay, mocking intended game,

And they well mock’d, depart away with shame.

 BOYET

The trumpet sounds: be mask’d; the maskers come.

MOTH

“All hail, the richest heauties on the earth!”

A holy parcel of the fairest dames’

That ever turn’d their—backs—to mortal views!

 

BEROWNE

“Their eyes,” villain, “their eyes.”

 MOTH

“That ever turn’d their eyes to mortal views!”

 BEROWNE

Is this your perfectness? Be gone, you rogue.

 ROSALINE [as PRINCESS]

What would these strangers? Know their minds, Boyet.

 

BOYET

What would you with the princess?

 BEROWNE

Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.

 ROSALINE

What would they, say they?

 BOYET

Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.

 ROSALINE

Why, that they have; and bid them so be gone.

 BOYET

She says you have it, and you may be gone.

 FERDINAND

Say to her we have measur’d many miles To tread a measure with her on this grass.

 FERDINAND

Will you not dance? How come you thus estranged?

 

ROSALINE

You took the moon at full; but now she’s chang’d.

BEROWNE

White-handed mistress, one sweet word with thee.

 

PRINCESS

Honey, and milk, and sugar; there is three.

DUMAINE 

Will you vouchsafe with me to change a word?

 

MARIA

Name it.

 DUMAINE

Fair lady,—

 MARIA

Say you so? Fair lord,

Take that for your fair lady.

 

 KATHARINE

What, was your visord made without a tongue?

 

LONGAVILLE

You have a double tongue within your mask, And would afford my speechless visor half. One word in private with you ere I die.

 

KATHARINE

Bleat softly, then; the butcher hears you cry.

ROSALINE

Not one word more, my maids; break off, break off.

.

 BEROWNE

By heaven, all dry-beaten with pure scoff!

 FERDINAND

Farewell, mad wenches; you have simple wits.

 PRINCESS

Twenty adieus, my frozen Muscovits.

 

ROSALINE

O! They were all in lamentable cases!

The King was weeping-ripe for a good word.

 PRINCESS

Berowne did swear himself out of all suit.

 MARIA

Dumaine was at my service, and his sword:

“No point” quoth I; my servant straight was mute.

 KATHARINE

Lord Longaville said, I came o’er his heart.

 

BOYET 

Madam, and pretty mistresses, give ear: Immediately they will again be here

In their own shapes.

 

ROSALINE

Good madam, if by me you’ll be advis’d,

Let’s mock them still, as well known as disguis’d. Let us complain to them what fools were here, Disguis’d like Muscovites, in shapeless gear.

 BOYET

Ladies, withdraw: the gallants are at hand.

FERDINAND

Fair sir, God save you! Where’s the princess?

 

BOYET

Gone to her tent.

 FERDINAND

All hail, sweet madam, and fair time of day!

 

PRINCESS

We have had pastimes here, and pleasant game. A mess of Russians left us but of late.

 

FERDINAND

How, madam! Russians?

 

PRINCESS

Ay, in truth, my lord;

Trim gallants, full of courtship and of state.

Were not you here but even now, disguis’d?

 

FERDINAND 

Madam, I was.

 PRINCESS

Rosaline, what did the Russian whisper in your ear?

 ROSALINE

Madam, he swore that he did hold me dear

adding that he would wed me, or else die my lover.

 PRINCESS

The noble lord

Most honourably doth uphold his word.

FERDINAND

What mean you, madam? By my life, my troth, I never swore this lady such an oath.

 

ROSALINE

By heaven, you did; and, to confirm it plain, You gave me this: but take it, sir, again.

 FERDINAND

My faith and this the princess I did give; I knew her by this jewel on her sleeve.

 

PRINCESS

Pardon me, sir, this jewel did she wear;

And Lord Berowne, I thank him, is my dear.

 BEROWNE

I see the trick on’t: here was a consent, Knowing aforehand of our merriment, To dash it like a Christmas comedy.

The ladies did change favors, and then we, Following the signs, woo’d but the sign of she. Now, to our perjury to add more terror,

We are again forsworn, in will and error.Welcome, pure wit! Thou part’st a fair fray.

 

COSTARD

O Lord, sir, they would know

Whether the three Worthies shall come in or no?

 BEROWNE

Go, bid them prepare.

 

FERDINAND

The ship is under sail, and here she comes amain.

 

COSTARD

“I Pompey am”—

That oft in field, with targe and shield, did make my foe to sweat:

And travelling along this coast, I here am come by chance,

And lay my arms before the legs of this sweet lass of France.

 

BEROWNE

Pompey proves the best Worthy.

 

SIR NATHANIEL

“When in the world I liv’d, I was the world’s

commander;

By east, west, north, and south, I spread my conquering might:

My scutcheon plain declares that I am Alisander”—

 

BEROWNE

Pompey the Great,—

Take away the conqueror, take away Alisander.

 

COSTARD 

Run away for shame, Alisander.

But there are Worthies a-coming will speak their mind in some other sort.

 

PRINCESS

Stand aside, good Pompey.

 

HOLOFERNES

“Great Hercules is presented by this imp,

Whose club kill’d Cerberus, that three-headed canis; And when he was a babe, a child, a shrimp,

Thus did he strangle serpents in his manus. Keep some state in thy exit, and vanish.— ”

“Judas I am.”—

 DUMAINE

A Judas!

 HOLOFERNES

Not Iscariot, sir.

“Judas I am, clipped Maccabaeus.”

 

DUMAINE

Judas Maccabaeus clipt is plain Judas.

 BOYET

Therefore, as he is an ass, let him go.

And so adieu, sweet Jude! Nay, why dost thou stay?

 DUMAINE

For the latter end of his name.

 BEROWNE

For the ass to the Jude? Give it him:—Jud-ass, away!

 HOLOFERNES

This is not generous, not gentle, not humble.

 PRINCESS

Alas! Poor Maccabaeus, how hath he been baited.

 BEROWNE

Hide thy head, Achilles: here comes Hector in arms.

 ARMADO

“The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty, Gave Hector a gift, the heir of Ilion;

A man so breath’d that certain he would fight ye,

 From morn till night, out of his pavilion.

I am that flower,”—

 

DUMAINE

That mint.

 LONGAVILLE

That columbine.

 

ARMADO

Sweet Lord Longaville, rein thy tongue.

I will forward with my device.

By the north pole, I do challenge thee.

 COSTARD

I’ll slash; I’ll do it by the sword.

I bepray you, let me borrow my arms again.

 DUMAINE

Room for the incensed Worthies!

 COSTARD

I’ll do it in my shirt.

 DUMAINE

Most resolute Pompey hath made the challenge!

 ARMADO

Sweet bloods, I both may and will.

 MARCADE

God save you, madam!

 PRINCESS

Welcome, Marcade;

But that thou interrupt’st our merriment.

 MARCADE

I am sorry, madam; for the news I bring

Is heavy in my tongue. The king your father—

 PRINCESS

Dead, for my life!

 MARCADE

Even so: my tale is told.

 BEROWNE

Worthies away! The scene begins to cloud.

ARMADO

For mine own part, I breathe free breath.

 

FERDINAND 

How fares your Majesty?

 

PRINCESS 

Boyet, prepare: I will away to-night.

 FERDINAND

Madam, not so: I do beseech you stay.

 

PRINCESS

Farewell, worthy lord!

A heavy heart bears not a nimble tongue.

 BEROWNE

Honest plain words best pierce the ear of grief;

For your fair sakes have we play’d foul play with our oaths.

Your beauty, ladies,

Hath much deform’d us, fashioning our humours Even to the opposed end of our intents;

 

PRINCESS

We have receiv’d your letters, full of love; Your favours, the ambassadors of love; And, in our maiden council, rated them At courtship, pleasant jest, and courtesy, and therefore met your loves

In their own fashion, like a merriment.

 DUMAINE

Our letters, madam, show’d much more than jest.

 

LONGAVILLE

So did our looks.

 

ROSALINE

We did not quote them so.

 FERDINAND

Now, at the latest minute of the hour, Grant us your loves.

 PRINCESS 

A time, methinks, too short

To make a world-without-end bargain in. No, no, my lord, your Grace is perjur’d much, Full of dear guiltiness; and therefore this:

Go with speed

To some forlorn and naked hermitage, Remote from all the pleasures of the world; There stay until the twelve celestial signs Have brought about the annual reckoning. Then, at the expiration of the year,

Come, challenge me, challenge me by these deserts; And, by this virgin palm now kissing thine,

I will be thine;

 

FERDINAND

Hence hermit, then. My heart is in thy breast.

 

DUMAINE [to KATHARINE]

But what to me, my love? But what to me?

 

KATHARINE

Come when the King doth to my lady come; Then, if I have much love, I’ll give you some.

 

DUMAINE

I’ll serve thee true and faithfully till then.

 KATHARINE

Yet swear not, lest ye be forsworn again.

 

LONGAVILLE [to MARIA]

What says Maria?

 MARIA

At the twelvemonth’s end

I’ll change my black gown for a faithful friend.

 LONGAVILLE

I’ll stay with patience; but the time is long.

 

BEROWNE [to ROSALINE]

Mistress, look on me;

Impose some service on me for thy love.

 

ROSALINE

My lord Berowne,

You shall this twelvemonth term, from day to day, Visit the speechless sick, and still converse

With groaning wretches; and your task shall be, With all the fierce endeavour of your wit

To enforce the pained impotent to smile. A jest’s prosperity lies in the ear

Of him that hears it, never in the tongue Of him that makes it:

 BEROWNE

A twelvemonth! Well, befall what will befall, I’ll jest a twelvemonth in an hospital.

 PRINCESS [to FERDINAND]

Ay, sweet my lord; and so I take my leave.

 

FERDINAND

No, madam; we will bring you on your way.

 

BEROWNE

Our wooing doth not end like an old play:

Jack hath not Jill; these ladies’ courtesy 

Might well have made our sport a comedy.

 

FERDINAND

Come, sir, it wants a twelvemonth and a day, And then ’twill end.

 

BEROWNE

That’s too long for a play.

 

ARMADO

Sweet Majesty, vouchsafe me,—will you hear the dialogue that the two learned men have compiled in praise of the owl and the cuckoo? It should have followed in the end of our show.

 FERDINAND

Call them forth quickly; we will do so.

 

ARMADO

Holla! Approach.

This is Hiems, Winter; maintained by the owl, Ver, begin.

 

ALL 

When all aloud the wind doth blow, And coughing drowns the parson’s saw, And birds sit brooding in the snow, And Marian’s nose looks red and raw,

When roasted crabs hiss in the bowl, 

Then nightly sings the staring owl: Tu-who;

Tu-whit, to-who—a merry note, While greasy Joan doth keel the pot.

 

ARMADO

The words of Mercury are harsh after the songs of Apollo.

[to audience] You that way: [gestures to self and cast]

we this way.

 [All hold hands and take a bow!].

Hey all!

Here is the text document script for "Let's Make a Scene: Richard III":

Click the little blue download link to download it,

Here is the word doc:

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or you can cut and paste the script from here:  See you tonight, Wed Oct 26th 2022 at 7 PM EST!

Characters In the Play

The following is a list of characters that appear in this cutting of Richard III.

Twenty characters appeared in the original production. This number can be increased to about thirty or decreased to about twelve by having actors share or double roles.

For the full breakdown of characters, see Sample Program.

Richard, Duke oF Gloucester: later King Richard III 

Clarence: Brother to King Edward and Richard

Guard

Lady Anne: Widow of Prince Edward (son to the late King   Henry VI), later wife to Richard

Queen Elizabeth: King Edward’s wife (formerly the Lady Grey)

Duke of Buckingham

Queen Margaret: Widow of King Henry VI

James Tyrrell: Gentleman

Narrator

Duchess of York: Mother of Richard, Edward, and Clarence

Ghost of Prince Edward 

Ghost of King Henry VI 

Ghost oF Lady Anne 

Ghost oF Duke of Buckingham 

Ghosts of Two Princes 

Lord Stanley: Earl of Derby 

Earl oF Richmond: Henry Tudor, later King Henry VII 

Scene 1. (act i, Scene i.)

Richard 

Now is the winter of our discontent 

Made glorious summer by this son of York, 

Grim-visaged war hath smoothed his wrinkled front; He capers nimbly in a lady’s chamber To the lascivious pleasing of a lute. 

But I, that am not shaped for sportive tricks, 

I, that am rudely stamped by dissembling nature, 

Deformed, unfinished, sent before my time 

Into this breathing world scarce half made up, 

And that so lamely and unfashionable

That dogs bark at me as I halt by them— 

And therefore, since I cannot prove a lover I am determinèd to prove a villain. 

Plots have I laid, inductions dangerous, 

By drunken prophecies, libels, and dreams, 

To set my brother Clarence and the King 

In deadly hate, the one against the other. . 

Dive, thoughts, down to my soul. 

Here Clarence comes.

Clarence 

I must, perforce. Farewell. 

Brother, good day. What means this armèd guard That waits upon your Grace?

Clarence 

His Majesty, 

Tend’ring my person’s safety, hath appointed This conduct to convey me to the Tower.

Richard 

Why, this it is when men are ruled by women. ’Tis not the King that sends you to the Tower. My Lady Grey his wife, Clarence, ’tis she That tempers him to this extremity.  

We are not safe, Clarence; we are not safe. 

Brother, farewell. I will unto the King, 

Meantime, this disgrace in brotherhood 

Touches me deeper than you can imagine.

Clarence

I know it pleaseth neither of us well.

Richard 

Well, your imprisonment shall not be long. 

I will deliver you or else lie for you.

Meantime, have patience.

Richard 

 

Go tread the path that thou shalt ne’er return. 

Simple, plain Clarence, I do love thee so 

That I will shortly send thy soul to heaven, 

Clarence hath not another day to live; 

Which done, God take King Edward to His mercy, And leave the world for me to bustle in. For then I’ll marry Warwick’s youngest daughter. 

What though I killed her husband and her father? 

Scene 2. (act i, scene ii.)

Anne 

Poor key-cold figure of a holy king, 

Thou bloodless remnant of that royal blood, 

O, cursèd be the hand that made these holes; 

Cursèd the heart that had the heart to do it; If ever he have wife, let her be made More miserable by the death of him.

Avaunt, thou dreadful minister of hell. 

Thou hadst but power over his mortal body; 

His soul thou canst not have. Therefore begone.

Richard 

Sweet saint, for charity, be not so curst.

Anne 

Behold this pattern of thy butcheries.  O, see, see dead Henry’s wounds ! 

Open their congealed mouths and bleed afresh!— 

Blush, blush, thou lump of foul deformity, 

For ’tis thy presence that exhales this blood 

From cold and empty veins where no blood dwells. 

Thy deeds, inhuman and unnatural, 

Provokes this deluge most unnatural.—

Richard 

Divine perfection of a woman, I did not kill your husband.

Anne 

Why then, he is alive.

Richard 

Nay, he is dead, and slain by Edward’s hands. 

Anne 

In thy foul throat thou liest. Queen Margaret saw Thy murd’rous falchion smoking in his blood.

Richard 

I was provokèd by her sland’rous tongue. Anne 

Thou wast provokèd by thy bloody mind, That never dream’st on aught but butcheries. Didst thou not kill this king?

Richard) I grant you.

Anne 

Dost grant me, hedgehog? 

O, he was gentle, mild, and virtuous.

Richard 

The better for the King of heaven that hath him. Anne 

He is in heaven, where thou shalt never come. And thou unfit for any place but hell.

Richard 

Yes, one place else, if you will hear me name it.

Anne 

Some dungeon.

 Richard 

Your bedchamber. 

Your beauty was the cause of that effect— Your beauty, that did haunt me in my sleep To undertake the death of all the world, 

So I might live one hour in your sweet bosom.

Anne 

Black night o’ershade thy day, and death thy life. It is  a quarrel just and reasonable 

To be revenged on him that killed my husband.

Richard 

He that bereft thee, lady, of thy husband Did it to help thee to a better husband.

Anne 

Where is he?

Richard Here.

Anne spits at richard..

Why dost thou spit at me? Anne 

Would it were mortal poison for thy sake. 

Out of my sight! Thou dost infect mine eyes.

Richard 

Thine eyes, sweet lady, have infected mine. 

Thy beauty hath, and made them blind with weeping. 

Lo, here I lend thee this sharp-pointed sword, And humbly beg the death upon my knee. 

Anne 

Arise, dissembler. Though I wish thy death, I will not be thy executioner.

Richard

Then bid me kill myself, and I will do it.

Vouchsafe to wear this ring.

Anne 

To take is not to give.

. Richard 

Look how my ring encompasseth thy finger; 

Even so thy breast encloseth my poor heart. 

And if thy poor devoted servant may But beg one favor at thy gracious hand, 

Thou dost confirm his happiness forever.

Anne

 What is it?

Richard 

After I have solemnly interred And wet his grave with my repentant tears, I will with all expedient duty see you. 

Grant me this boon.

Anne 

With all my heart, and much it joys me too To see you are become so penitent.— Farewell.

Richard 

Was ever woman in this humor wooed?

Was ever woman in this humor won? 

I’ll have her, but I will not keep her long. 

What, I that killed her husband and his father, And I no friends to back my suit at all But the plain devil and dissembling looks? 

Ha! 

Shine out, fair sun, till I have bought a glass, That I may see my shadow as I pass.

Scene 3. (act i, Scene iii.)

 Richard 

They do me wrong, and I will not endure it! Who is it that complains unto the King That I, forsooth, am stern and love them not? I must be held a rancorous enemy.

Queen Elizabeth Come, come, we know your meaning, brother Gloucester. 

You envy my advancement, and my friends’.

Richard Our brother is imprisoned by your means, Myself disgraced, and the nobility Held in contempt.

Queen Elizabeth I never did incense his Majesty Against the Duke of Clarence. 

My lord, you do me shameful injury Falsely to draw me in these vile suspects. 

Small joy have I in being England’s queen.

Queen Margaret Thy honor, state, and seat is due to me.

. Richard 

’Tis time to speak, my pains are quite forgot.

Queen Margaret) Out, devil! Thou killed’st my husband Henry in  

the Tower, 

And Edward, my poor son, at Tewkesbury. 

A murd’rous villain, and so still thou art.

Richard 

Foul, wrinkled witch, what mak’st thou in my sight? Wert thou not banishèd on pain of death?

Queen Margaret 

I was, but I do find more pain in banishment Than death can yield me here by my abode. 

A husband and a son thou ow’st to me; 

And thou a kingdom;— all of you, allegiance. 

This sorrow that I have by right is yours, 

And all the pleasures you usurp are mine. 

Can curses pierce the clouds and enter heaven? 

Why then, give way, dull clouds, to my quick curses! Edward thy son, that now is 

Prince of Wales, 

For Edward our son, that was Prince of Wales, 

Die in his youth by like untimely violence. 

Thyself a queen, 

for me that was a queen, 

Outlive thy glory, like my wretched self. 

Long mayst thou live to wail thy children’s death And see another, as I see thee now, 

Decked in thy rights, as thou art stalled in mine. 

Long die thy happy days before thy death, 

And, after many lengthened hours of grief, 

Die neither mother, wife, nor England’s queen.—

Queen Elizabeth.

Have done thy charm, thou hateful, withered hag.

Queen Margaret 

And leave out thee? Stay, dog, for thou shalt hear me.

No sleep close up that deadly eye of thine, Unless it be while some tormenting dream Affrights thee with a hell of ugly devils. 

Thou elvish-marked, abortive, rooting hog, 

The slave of nature and the son of hell, 

Thou slander of thy heavy mother’s womb, 

Thou loathèd issue of thy father’s loins, 

 Poor painted queen, vain flourish of my fortune, Why strew’st thou sugar on that bottled spider, Whose deadly web ensnareth thee about? 

Fool, fool, thou whet’st a knife to kill thyself. 

The day will come that thou shalt wish for me To help thee curse this poisonous bunch-backed toad. 

O Buckingham, take heed of yonder dog! 

Look when he fawns, 

Beware of him. ; 

Sin, death, and hell have set their marks on him 

Richard 

What doth she say, my lord of Buckingham?

Buckingham 

Nothing that I respect, my gracious lord.

Queen Margaret 

What, dost thou scorn me for my gentle counsel, And soothe the devil that I warn thee from? 

O, but remember this another day, 

When he shall split thy very heart with sorrow.

Buckingham 

My hair doth stand an end to hear her curses.

Richard

The secret mischiefs that I set abroach 

I lay unto the grievous charge of others. 

And thus I clothe my naked villainy 

With odd old ends stol’n forth of Holy Writ, 

And seem a saint when most I play the devil

Scene 4. (act iV, Scene ii.)

Narrator 

We are now in Act 4. A lot has happened since Act 

1. Richard has caused the murder of his brother 

Clarence. (Note to Richard: nobody likes a bully.) Somehow, Richard manages to become king. But he is not happy yet! So he asks his ally Buckingham to murder Elizabeth’s sons, the two young princes. Richard is on a roll!

Richard 

Cousin of Buckingham.

Buckingham 

My gracious sovereign.

Richard 

Give me thy hand.

Ah, Buckingham, now do I play the touch, To try if thou be current gold indeed: 

Young Edward lives; think now what I would speak.

Buckingham 

 Say on, my loving lord.

Richard 

Why, Buckingham, I say I would be king.

Buckingham 

Why so you are, my thrice-renownèd lord.

Richard 

Ha! Am I king? ’Tis so—but Edward lives.

Buckingham 

True, noble prince.

Richard

Shall I be plain? I wish the bastards dead, And I would have it suddenly performed.

Buckingham Give me some little breath, some pause, dear lord, Before I positively speak in this.

Richard 

High-reaching Buckingham grows circumspect.— No more shall he be the neighbor to my counsels.

Tyrrel 

James Tyrrel, and your most obedient subject.

Richard 

Dar’st thou resolve to kill a friend of mine?

Tyrrel 

Please you. But I had rather kill two enemies.

Richard 

Why then, thou hast it. Two deep enemies, Tyrrel, I mean those bastards in the Tower..

Tyrrel 

I will dispatch it straight.

Buckingham 

My lord, I claim the gift, my due by promise, 

For which your honor and your faith is pawned— Th’ earldom of Hereford 

Which you have promisèd I shall possess.

I am not in the giving vein today.

Buckingham 

And is it thus? Repays he my deep service 

With such contempt? Made I him king for this? O, let me be gone while my fearful head is on!

Scene 5. (act iV, Scene iV.)

Queen Margaret 

So now prosperity begins to mellow And drop into the rotten mouth of death. Here in these confines slyly have I lurked To watch the waning of mine enemies. Who comes here?

Queen Elizabeth 

Ah, my poor princes! Ah, my tender babes, Hover about me with your airy wings And hear your mother’s lamentation.

Duchess 

So many miseries have crazed my voice That my woe-wearied tongue is still and mute.

Queen Margaret 

I had an Edward till a Richard killed him;

I had a husband till a Richard killed him. Thou hadst an Edward till a Richard killed him; Thou hadst a Richard till a Richard killed him. From forth the kennel of thy womb hath crept A hellhound that doth hunt us all to death—

Duchess

That foul defacer of God’s handiwork 

Thy womb let loose to chase us to our graves. Earth gapes, hell burns, fiends roar, To have him suddenly conveyed from hence. 

Cancel his bond of life, dear God I pray, 

That I may live and say “The dog is dead”.

 Queen Elizabeth

 Thou didst usurp my place, and dost thou not Usurp the just proportion of my sorrow? Now thy proud neck bears half my burdened yoke, From which even here I slip my weary head And leave the burden of it all on thee. Farewell, York’s wife, and queen of sad mischance. These English woes shall make me smile in France.

Richard 

Who intercepts me in my expedition?

Queen Elizabeth) 

Tell me, thou villain-slave, where are my children?

Duchess Art thou my son?

Richard 

Madam, I have a touch of your condition, That cannot brook the accent of reproof.

Duchess 

Thou cam’st on Earth to make the Earth my hell. 

A grievous burden was thy birth to me; 

Therefore take with thee my most grievous curse,) The little souls of Edward’s children. 

Bloody thou art; bloody will be thy end. 

Shame serves thy life and doth thy death attend.

Richard 

Stay, madam. I must talk a word with you. You have a daughter called Elizabeth, I love thy daughter. 

And do intend to make her Queen of England.

Queen Elizabeth 

How canst thou woo her?

That would I learn of you.

Queen Elizabeth 

Shall I be tempted of the devil thus?

Richard 

Ay, if the devil tempt you to do good. 

Queen Elizabeth 

Yet thou didst kill my children.

Richard 

But in your daughter’s womb I bury them, 

Where, in that nest of spicery, they will breed Selves of themselves, to your recomforture.

Queen Elizabeth (comforted and hypnotized by this idea) Shall I go win my daughter to thy will?

Richard 

And be a happy mother by the deed.

Queen Elizabeth 

I go.

Richard 

Relenting fool and shallow, changing woman!

Scene 6. (act V, Scene iii.)

Narrator 

Guess what happened to Richard’s only real ally Buckingham for refusing to kill the two young princes? You guessed it: Execution! Meanwhile, Richmond and his army are preparing to march against Richard. Richard tries to get some rest in his tent, but the pesky ghosts of people he has killed interrupt his beauty sleep. Sorry, Richard. Payback is a bitch. 

. Richard 

Up with my tent!—Here will I lie tonight. But where tomorrow?

.

Ghost of Edward 

 Let me sit heavy on thy soul tomorrow. Think how thou stabbed’st me in my prime of youth Despair therefore, and die! 

 Despair therefore, and die!

Ghost oF Henry VI 

When I was mortal, my anointed body By thee was punchèd full of deadly holes. 

Think on the Tower and me. Despair and die! 

 Despair and die!

Ghost of Anne  

Richard, thy wife, that wretched Anne thy wife, That never slept a quiet hour with thee, Now fills thy sleep with perturbations. Tomorrow, in the battle, think on me, 

And fall thy edgeless sword. Despair and die! 

Despair and die!

Ghost of Buckingham 

The first was I that helped thee to the crown; The last was I that felt thy tyranny. O, in the battle think on Buckingham, And die in terror of thy guiltiness. 

 And die in terror of thy  guiltiness!

Ghosts of Princes (to Richard) 

Dream on thy cousins smothered in the Tower. Let us be lead within thy bosom, Richard, 

And weigh thee down to ruin, shame, and death. 

Thy nephews’ souls bid thee despair and die. 

Despair and

Die!

. Richard  

Give me another horse! Bind up my wounds! 

Have mercy, Jesu!— 

Soft, I did but dream. 

O coward conscience, how dost thou afflict me! What do I fear? Myself? There’s none else by. 

My conscience hath a thousand several tongues, And every tongue brings in a several tale, 

And every tale condemns me for a villain. I shall despair. There is no creature loves me, And if I die no soul will pity me.

Scene 7. (act V, Scenes 4 and 5)

Richard 

A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!

[Richmond takes his sword and, in slow motion, stab the terrified Richard and kills him].

 Richmond 

God and your arms be praised, victorious friends! 

The day is ours; the bloody dog is dead. 

“The bloody dog is dead!”

Stanley 

Courageous Richmond 

Wear it, enjoy it, and make much of it. 

Richmond 

England hath long been mad and scarred herself: 

The brother blindly shed the brother’s blood; 

The father rashly slaughtered his own son; 

The son, compelled, been butcher to the sire.

O, now let Richmond and Elizabeth, 

The true succeeders of each royal house, 

By God’s fair ordinance conjoin together, 

All 

Now civil wounds are stopped, peace lives again. That she may long live here, God say amen. 

ALL hold hands and take a bow!